We All Live in A Gaijin Bubble...And We All Hate Each Other For It!

Howdy Yall! I got your attention with the title of this post; didn't I? So recently, I mentioned the Gaijin Bubble in a post and it got some unexpected reactions. It seems few people like to be referred to as living in a Gaijin bubble in Japan. Apparently, the term 'gaijin bubble' is viewed as a negative term among my fellow gaijin. Yet, the truth of the matter is that almost all of us are living in a gaijin bubble. 

I am damn sure what caused the knee jerk reaction was the simple fact that I did not include myself as living in a gaijin bubble. I can understand that; really I can. Gaijin can have just as much of a tight net community as the Japanese can. If someone implies, 'I am not one of you,' of course a strong reaction might be coming. Well, I can assure you that was not my intention at all. In fact, if it is not clear enough by now, I am a fucking gaijin. I am most likely a classic example of a white bread trailer trash gaijin you will ever come across. Despite my best efforts, I still fail to be accepted as being a part of Japanese society. Yet, I still give it my best shot anyway. And this brings me to why I am writing this post. To my mind, all of us are living in a gaijin bubble due to two very key reasons. First, we are silently excluded from Japanese society. Secondly, due to the silent exclusion, we look to find kinship with other gaijin who are also excluded from Japanese society. And one of the things none of us will ever admit is that, deep down inside, we have a sort of hatred and love for each other. I know what some of you may be thinking, 'What the fuck is this hill billy from the mountains of West Virginia talking about?' Well, please allow me to explain in more detail.

Okay. First we need to get this whole silent exclusion thing explained. I know that a lot of us try damn hard to speak the language, learn the basic mannerisms, grow to love the food and all that jazz. Yet, you and I both know that we will always be viewed as gaijin. This is a cultural fact about Japan. It is something almost everyone knows about but few people will admit. So, maybe I am the first one to say this fact openly. Though, most Japanese don't want to be rude about it so they practice a silent exclusion as to avoid making gaijin feeling more awkward then we already do. In my experience, when you get too close to being a 'insider' as opposed to being an 'outsider,' Japan will back away from you and simply shut you out. This is the truth and most people know it.

Alright, we got the whole silent exclusion out of the way. Now, let's mention the kinship thing a bit.

It is only natural for someone to seek out kinship when they are being marginalized. You want to buddy up with people who are going though the same struggle as you. This is natural and healthy. In fact, it is very important part of living in Japan as a gaijin. You must have at least a few buddies who will not drive you insane. I have my little gang of gaijin buddies I run with and I am sure most of us do as well. I also have a little gang of Japanese buddies I run with, but of course it is not the same(we call ourselves the dirty Adachi gang just for kicks). Rolling with each group is a very different experience. When I am with my gaijin buddies the kinship is so clear that it seems as if we have known each other from birth. Yet, at the same time there is an unspoken level of aggression which could turn ugly at any moment. Some of you may have seen me interacting with one or two of my gaijin buddies and the aggression must be funny and scary at the same time. That is were the hate factor comes into play.

Oh yeah! Gaijin do in fact hate each other to a certain extent. It is very rarely talked about but it is there all the same. There is a feeling among many gaijin, myself included, that we must never take a shot at each other for any given reason. Even when we fuck each other over, it seems that if we air that shit out in the open it is considered the ultimate of sins.  Everyone's ego and pride must be protected like a 16 year old's masturbation habit.  Don't believe me, try it for yourself. Call someone out on their shit and you will witness a fire breathing dragon of hate which will rival the likes of even this guy. So yeah, there is always an unspoken level of hate and aggression just under the surface of most gaijin kinship.All that said, I do have a few buddies who I don't feel any aggression toward. I can only think of one or two.

Alright, now that I have explained what I mean by a 'gaijin bubble' in great detail, I hope you found this post very interesting. I am a very social person so maybe I notice these more than other people. I have been guilty of everything in this post at least once. At the same time, I don't like most of the things I mentioned in this post; this post is simply what I have experienced. I am sure the comments section of this post might get a little hot, but that is alright by me because somethings need to be talked about openly. Let's make the most of this opportunity to discuss a few things we don't normally get the chance to talk about. Maybe you see things a bit differently, so please express yourself. And remember, I love you all very deeply.

The High End of Low In Tokyo

Howdy Yall! To be honest, I have been thinking for a while as to how exactly to write this post. I really do not want to be misunderstood. It is not easy to write about living wages because I am aware that there are many reasons which could be given to refuse to provide a living wage for workers. Yet, I think it is time for me to write about this.
  Ya know, it is no secret that being a foreign English teacher in Japan means dealing with being kicked around and exploited. You really have to develop a certain love for teaching English in order to hang in there. It is very hard to get a job teaching English which provides a living wage. For some reason a lot of companies feel that teachers do not deserve to have a living wage. I do not understand this kind of thinking but it is the sad truth. It seems only logical to me that when workers are given a living wage they should be more motivated to try their best. It also seems natural to me that giving workers a living wage cuts down on problems from within any given company. I assume that such logic would be the natural thinking of most people; but as we all know this is not true. Yet, we must still deal with this situation and attempt to make the best if it.

Working out a deal to get something close to a living wage or at least a situation which is somewhat stable is the key. Of course, most of us care deeply about our jobs. To say that we don't is nothing more than an attempt to kick us around a bit. Yet, it is important to come to an understanding which works for both sides(the teacher and the company). The way to go about this depends on the nature of the company you are working for. If you work for a company which is a bit open then a friendly chat about a few issues should produce some results. Although, if you work for a more closed company with clandestine inner workings, it will take some more hard bargaining to reach some kind of understanding.

Let's assume we are dealing with a more clandestine situation. You should expect that there will be a few reasons for knocking you down or not giving you some of the things you want. Some of those reason will be valid and you will have to explain those things. Yet, most of the reasons will be trumped up charges; which you will also have to explain why those reasons, with respect of course, are not serious reasons to kick you down. The most important thing is to remember that you want to work for said company. What you want is to simply get a decent deal and not be fucked over.

Depending on the kind of personalities you are dealing with, you may have to be a bit stern. You got to be careful about being stern because ego and pride is an easy thing to offend. I know no one wants to feed someone's ego so it is best to simply speak very honest and on a human level. It takes a real fucker to not understand you if you are being honest and very human.

As for me, my goal is always the same. I just want to have something of a living wage in order to provide food on the table for my wife. It would be nice to be able to come to work everyday with the understanding that I am in fact trying hard and can be spared all the useless politics that ruin the teaching experience. I really have fallen in love with teaching English in Japan. My passion for teaching should never have to come into question. I find it sad that politics seems to get in the way of what is important; teach English and make a decent living at the same time.

The high end of low is a hard thing to face when you have such simple goals in mind.

Accepting Japan before Japan Accepts Me

Howdy Yall! Before coming to Japan I really did not know much of anything about this island nation. All I knew was that they make damn good TV's, cars, porn and have a thing for hyper fast pop music. Now that I have been in Japan for several years, I know a whole lot more about this semi-closed society. In fact, I know more than I ever wished to know about Japan. I could write about a lot of different things about Japanese culture. I could spend my time writing about some of the crap I used to write about; temples food and stuff like that. I cannot do that anymore. It is much better for me to be real with all of yall. Being real has made this blog much more interesting and true to my experience in Japan.

With that said, one of the hardest things I have never had to do is accept Japan as it is in it's current form. As anyone who has lived here for a few years can tell you, Japanese don't accept outsiders very easily. Of course, they have gotten much more accepting since the end of WW2 but they still struggle with the realities of a growing multi-ethnic society. To say that a lot of Japanese are filled with Xenophobic fear is an understatement.  Many Japanese go far beyond any Xenophobic or racist tendencies. Sadly, there are many J-folk who will go to great lengths to marginalize you simply because you are not Japanese. So many people have attempted to explain, or make reason, of Japan's unique form of exclusion. My take on it is just as unique as Japan itself.

It seems clear to me that Japanese are trained from a very young age to exclude people from their daily life. They don't just do it to gaijin; they even do it to each other. Yeah, I have met my fair share of outgoing, half crazy, fun loving Japanese. Yet, on the other hand I have met even more Japanese who would prefer to jump in front of a fucking JR train at rush hour then deal with others head on. One of the great failures of Japanese culture is to develop proper social skills to be able to at least handle social situations on their own terms as an individual. Some of them have been able to learn social skills in order to at least handle themselves as an individual. Although, this is not normal and you should not expect it at all. So, the big challenge is how to accept an ethnic group which is unable to even accept themselves. Well, for an outgoing southern guy from American who says crazy shit when he drinks too much accepting Japanese culture has very funny results.

I use humor daily in order to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. I have leaned to laugh at the out of hand things a lot of Japanese do to marginalize damn near everyone around them. Most of the insane things a lot of them do to avoid standing on their own as an individual deserves a poke from me from time to time. I just cannot help myself at times yall. If I don't rattle their cage at the right moment, I will seriously loose my shit. Let me give you a few funny examples of how I have learned to accept Japan.

The salary man who burns a whole though my head on the train.

This guy is epic. He clearly has something to say to me. It might be because he wants to make a new friend or he wants to get some shit started. I don't know why he is staring me down but it is not okay to stare at someone like that without saying something. He must be thinking he can get away with it because he is surrounded by other Japanese. Usually I just let it go because I don't want any trouble on the damn train. Yet, from time to time I decide to play a little game. I call it the 'motherfucker do I look funny to you game.' What I do is start making funny faces at the guy. The same kind of funny faces that little kids make at each other. Throws the guy off his game every time.  The funny part comes when he starts looking around trying to make eye contact with another Japanese so he can get them to look at me. His goal is to get them to look at me so he can create the image that I am a crazy gaijin and he did nothing wrong. I win this game every time because if he does get another Japanese to stare at me I make funny faces at them too.

Howdy! Let's be friends you racist bastard

From time to time I get a wild one of my hands. He has the support of a given group because he has gotten control over the group's thinking. I am just trying to be an open friendly American. He don't like that because he fears losing control over the group; as if I give a fuck about who controls what. So, he starts talking shit about English teachers and how fucked up and useless gaijin are to Japan. I know he is full of fear simply because I am not Japanese and he wants to maintain his ego trip. I say the same thing almost every time, 'You are a fucking racist buddy. I will go back to my native nation and tell everyone what a gang of fucked up backward racist Japanese people are.' That fucks with his head big time. The group usually laughs their ass off at him because the one thing that crushes most Japanese is to be laughed at by the group over something a gaijin said about them. Usually the guy gets a look on his face like he wants to kill me; but of course he doesn't do shit but turn his back on me and pretend I am a ghost(which partly explains the title of this blog).


Let's get to the point already!

Okay. I must admit this one is a bit brutal. I only reserve it as a last resort. One of my Japanese brothers and sisters deems it fit to attack me because they feel it will further their agenda. My non-Japanese status makes me look like an easy target. So, with the support of a group of course, they attempt to lay into me. Sadly, because they are so full of fear they are unable to attack me directly they speak in such a round about way that they are unable to really go after me. So, I simply ask the most direct question I can think of at the moment. Man, it really throws them for a loop. After that they usually back off a bit and start to deal with me on a more human level. I don't like doing that to them but sometimes I simply have to in order to snap them out of their trip.


So yeah, I have learned to use humor to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. One day I am sure Japan will be okay with me and we will not have to have these odd funny run ins with each other. Hell, Japan has already given me permanent residence. It is only a matter of time before Japan learns to love me just the way I am.

Mad Tokyo Cows and the Joys of the Gaijin Bubble

Howdy as always yall! You know, everyone needs a good laugh. It is laughter which has got me though some shitty parts of my life. It is also just good fun all around. Although, as you can guess finding English stand up comedy in Tokyo is not an easy mission. Naturally, most live comedy is done in Japanese. To be honest, I don't really find Japanese comedy all that funny. The natives laugh at J-comedy but I usually find it to be a little silly. With all that said, there is a underground traveling stand up group in the Tokyo area known as Mad Cows of Tokyo.

I have heard about this group for a while but it was not until last week that I finally made it out to one of their little events.  I was encouraged to attend the event by a gal I met in a bar in Shibuya. She was upbeat and full of conversation topics, so when she not only invited me, but sent me several emails reminding of the event, I really had no other choice but to attend. It seemed a big deal for her that I show up and watch her sing a funny song. So, being the Southern gentlemen that I am, I left work in Yokohama and traveled to Daikanyama to see for myself what all the fuss was about.

This gal really made a big deal about my attendance. She gave me a few texts while I was at work and even had me text her when I arrived at Daikanyama so she could meet up with me. Her warmth and care for my safe and speedy arrival was a refreshing  change from the usual attitudes a deal with daily. Anyway, after we met up we went, arm and arm, around the corner to a coffee shop which hide itself in a maze pretending to be a building. Tokyo has a lot of buildings like this due to a limited amount of space and inflated land prices.  It is not all that hard to get lost in a three story building. It took us about 15 minutes to finally find the actual coffee shop.

It was a mellow little coffee shop which sold hard drinks about the sun goes down. Judging from the layout of the joint, I guess that they go after the working class during the day and aim for the tired business folk after sunset. Overall, it was a nice little place except for the overpriced drinks and low lighting. I kind of had to focus to get a feel for the surroundings because my new friend made it a point to introduce me to everyone she knew. Apparently, she is a regular on the underground English comedy ring in Tokyo and knows all the other comedians. I got to meet everyone and I quickly felt that something was out of place. I could not tell what was off with these people at first but something seemed forced and unnatural. An odd kicking distance which was so strong that I was almost taken back by it. Yet, it was hard to focus due to my escort having me jump from one person to the next. It was fun meeting so many people at once all the same.

The event was actually meant to be a little contest of sorts for a bigger planned event. The winner from this event went on to a larger event with some sort of prize involved. I was not exactly clear on the details. It seemed that most people did not really care about the contest and just wanted to get up in front of the small crowd, tell some jokes and just have a few laughs. Most of them were okay and I found most of them to have at least said a few funny things. The comedians were from several different backgrounds, including a few Japanese, so it was fun to hear jokes with a different perspective. Overall, they made me laugh enough for me to say I enjoyed the stand up. Although, it was only after the performance that I got a better sense of why I felt the strange distance.

It was more than just the natural awkwardness of meeting new people. I was a gaijin they did not know and I was also someone who is not out and about all the time. Only one or two people could place me at any other place before. My buddy Paul,who is different from the other gaijin at the event, was there so he knew me. The gal that invited me to the event knew we as well. After about 15 minutes of listening to everyone else talk, it became clear to me that most of the comedians had been living in the gaijin bubble.

For those of yall who don't know what the gaijin bubble is please allow me to explain. A gaijin bubble is when someone avoids regular direct contact with native Japanese people. Instead, go to places in which English is often spoken and most of the things they do involve other foreigners. I will never knock such behavior because Japan is a tough nation to get used to and having people around ya who share a similar background can really make life easier. The thing is, I am really not used to being around these kind of folk.  The social rules are totally different from the kind of foreigners I usually hang out with. You cannot say certain things around these folks and expect to win their favor. For example, you cannot say anything positive about Japanese people or Japanese culture. Due to the bubble they live in, Japanese culture looks like a backwards off putting concept to them. Also, it is not a good idea to speak too much Japanese around them. Speaking Japanese to other native speakers of English is very odd for someone who lives in a gaijin bubble. I can totally understand the kinds of feelings these folks have about Japan. The culture here is hard to adjust to and it is even harder to fit in a homogenous society. A lot of people do come to Japan and quickly realize the uphill battle of being gaijin in Japan. It is real easy to surround yourself with people of a similar background and create a bubble.  Now, I am sure that not everyone performing that night lives in a bubble. I am sure that several of them deal with Japan head on everyday. Although, there were enough people there who do live in a bubble to call it a majority.

Yeah, it can be very hard living in Japan. From time to time, I even put myself into a temporary bubble just to get away from the up tight lifestyle in Japan. So, that is why the Mad Cows of Tokyo are cool. You can hang out with people who have a strong sense of their own culture and have a good laugh as well. In fact, they are having another little mini event at my buddy Paul's bar Vega Wine Bar on Jan. 25th Tokyo time. It was good to see Paul again and I miss going to his bar. So, if you got nothing to do in the 25th then you might just find me at Vega Wine Bar in Ebisu. Click here for the Vega bar website so you can get more details. BTW Monday is Wine Viking night which means for 2,000 yen you can drink all of Paul's fine wine you like for two hours. Also you can click here to check out Mad Cows of Tokyo website to learn a bit more about what they do.    

2011: A year of Self Discovery in a Nation Brought to It's Knees

Howdy Y'all! it has been a while since I have wrote to all of you. I took over a month off from this blog of mine. I decided that before I scribble down anymore digital rambles, I needed to sort out a few things. I wanted a bit of time to reflect and focus on a few other items of interest. To speak the dirty truth, I actually have been writing my hill billy ass off just not here in this blog. I have been writing a few more articles for America20xy.com. You can check out the site by clicking on the link provided. I have also been working on a collection of ten short fiction stories based on the underbelly of social issues in Japan. The stories will fit into the pulp genre of writing. I hope to have them all finished by the end of January; self publish sometime after that. I have also been keeping up with making Youtube vids, but I think I need to rethink the way I am doing those vids. Check out my channel by clicking here.

Although, this blog post is much more than me simply giving an update on my writing. As y'all know 2011 has been one hell of a year for me. For starters, this blog took a much more raw edge compared to years past. I have held very little back this year and choose instead to present a more real and raw experience of my life in Tokyo. What I did not realize when I started to write more raw was that 2011 would be a major year of self discovery for me. After years pushing certain mental weaknesses into the deep dark spaces of my mind, everything found a way to come to the surface in bombastic fashion. I have spend the majority of this year working out a lot of things about myself. Y'all have been witness to some of my struggle by reading this blog. Yet, it is time for me to reflect a bit.

I am damn sure that my mental health came into question after the massive earthquake hit Japan earlier this year. I, along with most humans living on this island, have never experienced something on the same magnitude as what has happened in Japan this year. After a massive earthquake, deadly tsunami and multi nuclear power core meltdowns a lot of gaijin bailed on Japan. I can really understand why so many people left; but I stayed because my life is in Japan. Also, when you think about it the Japanese don't have the option to leave Japan. So, it has been interesting to stay in Japan with people who have no option but to stay. Although, staying here, and dealing with the stress of the situation, caused something to snap some place deep in my mind. I think it took about two months after the quake for me to start having cracks in the armor. It started with anger. I found myself really fucking pissed off almost everyday. It got to the point in which I could not go one day without getting angry as a bull.

I guess it came from the cold blooded nature of a lot of people I interacted with after the quake. People I had known for years for saying some of the most asshole cold blooded shit I had ever heard. I remember one thing which was really over the top. I asked a co-worker of mine at the time if he thought it was wrong that our company was firing and/or threatening to fire people for leaving Japan for a week or two after the quake. His answer was the most heartless thing I had never heard. He said, 'They signed a deal to work. They are not following policy by suddenly taking time off work so they deserve to be fired. Fuck them!' It took everything inside of me not to slap the taste out of his mouth. I dealt with a lot of assholes during the first few weeks after the quake. People were being so fucked up, more than usual in Tokyo, that it was maddening to say the least. The news reports I was writing at the time also brought me a fair share of shit from people I never expected. I had one 'trusted friend' who attacked me for reporting the the nuclear cores at Fukushima has melted down. He pretty much told me that I was a liar and stupid for reporting such a thing. Oh yeah, that was a wonderful thing to hear from a friend. It seemed that every heartless asshole in Tokyo was floating though my life at that time. It was as if I had became a magnet for fucked up folks. People were operating way over their stress level and viewed me as a rock solid hill billy you could handle anything thrown at him. Well, the truth is that I also have a limit for how much stress and bullshit I can handle before I break.

The anger wore off after a lot of insane attempts to purge it from myself. I was left with P.T.S. and a slew of other things which had boiled to the surface.  In order to deal with the massive conflict my mind split a bit. Let me tell y'all that I was told by a doctor years ago that was bi-polar. I was even on meds for it when I was younger. Although, I was under the impression that had it under control. This summer I was proven wrong because my Bi-polar reared it's ugly head at exactly the wrong time in my life. Suffering from Bi-polar can really fucking suck at times. For the entire summer of 2011 I was caught in what is known as cycling. People who are bi-polar, simply put, have two extreme sides to their personality. It is the same person but with two very distinct emotional view points. Bi-ploar is very different from split personality. People who suffer from split personality have to very distinct personalities which they cannot control on their own. With that said, cycling is a state in which a bi-polar person switches from one polar extreme to the other at random. It is really painful mentally. When I am cycling, sleep is very hard to come by and I have trouble understanding other folks perspectives. The only positive to it is that I become highly creative and my mind operates really fast. So, you can image what four months of cycling must be like.

I did a lot of crazy shit during the summer of 2011 in Tokyo, Japan. A lot of it I did not mention on this blog because I did not really understand why I was doing those things. I mean damn, I got into bar fights, heated arguments, drank like a fish, slept on the streets several times and spent a lot of my time diving head first into the dark parts of Tokyo. I was totally out of control. Yet, the entire time I was trying to control it all. I had so many conversations with myself in which I would talk things out. It scared me a bit because I was having full conversations with myself on a regular basis. A lot of twisted sick ideas went though my head so I had to talk myself out of a lot of insane shit. It was not until Aug. that I finally sought out professional help. It has really help going to these sessions. I talk with a professional therapist, who speaks English, about once every two weeks. This person knows a lot about the human mind that I don't so I have been able to work out a lot of things.

The thing that I have learned that has really helped is that I must accept both sides of my bi-polar personality. A bi-polar personality will compete with itself. The mind will try to find a constant which causes conflict with a bi-polar personality. So, when I start cycling the best thing to do is to accept both emotional reactions and let my own logic sort out which response is natural and which one is a result of bi-polar. I know that sounds a bit nuts but it actually works for me. I can be a heavenly angel or a hard ass demon at a moments notice so I must give my mind time to sort out which emotion I am naturally feeling. It sounds really complex and requires a lot of concentration, but I have gotten it down to the point in which is only takes a few minutes to sort out. When people see me a bit quit or appearing to be a little uncomfortable is it because I am cycling and need a few minutes to sort it out. I think there are a lot of people around me these days who understand that and tend to let me be. It is a nice change of pace these days. When I am in a social setting with people who have known me for a while, they usually let me choose how pro active I wish to be. If I just wanna hang out and not say much, more people are willing to let me do so.

With all of that, I also realized that I needed to get the fuck away from Japan for a bit. Truth be told, as much I have come to love this island nation, there is a unforgiving attitude taken towards mental health in Japan. I was lucky to find a shrink who would see me; and speak fluent English. So, I did get the fuck out of Japan for a bit. I hauled my ass to Vietnam for a little while. I am aware of the clear irony of an American libertarian living in Tokyo going to Vietnam for a little holiday. I laughed about it myself over several bottles of wine in Ho Chi Mein with my travel partner. Yet, spending some time in Ho Chi Mein was damn good for me. Shockingly enough, Ho Chi Mein is a rather liberal city for a communist nation. In Tokyo, I have to really search sometimes to find a true open liberal(in the libertarian sense of the term) environment. In Ho Chi Mein I was able to walk down the street without people staring at me. Some people would even strike up a conversation with me and be generally friendly. I spent a lot of time getting myself back on track. Y'all can see the picture I included in this post; right? Well, that is me well balanced and thinking clearly. There was no nutty shit inside of my head. I was relaxed and in control.

The experienced allowed me to come to a new way of thinking. Chris from Confessions of a bad boy in Japan first brought this to my attention and I feel it makes perfect sense; 'I am not living in their world; they are living in mine.' Such a mind set finally hit me one night in Ho Chi Mein. I was in a five star hotel drinking a fine bottle of wine. I went out on to the balcony to enjoy the wonderfully warm night air. I saw all the chaos on the street. The road was a mess of chaotic coming and going of cars, trucks and motorbikes. I thought to myself; 'Look at all of those damn people. They are fucking off the traffic rules and driving the way which best matches the situation. They are pretty much interacting with other drivers on their own terms. For them, everyone is living in their world.' So, why not deal with everyone on my own terms? Japan is a nation which can break even the strongest person. The pressure to be a bottom feeding zombie is so great here that demanding others deal with you on your terms can be a very painful experience. Although, I don't have to play ball with any sorry ass social game. I love Japan, but I often find myself judging the social structure as really fucking childish. The whole idea that no one is allowed to stand out or be unique leads to a lot of childish behavior and jealously. I have seen a lot of Japanese freak the fuck out because someone had success doing something a little different. A lot of foreigners do the same shit. I don't have to play that shit with anyone. In fact, I have learned to laugh my ass off at such people. Yeah, it makes some people really angry when I laugh in their face but they had it coming.

Anyway, 2011 has been one hell of a year. I have been though a bit of hell and I am stronger for it. I am not out of the wood work just yet but I am doing a whole lot better. 2012 looks bright.

Tokyo Ghost:Reboot V2.0 Satanis OS

Before I sat down to write this post I had to really think about how I will express my state of mind. Yeah, I am suffering a mental breakdown. I can be honest and admit that fact. Some people have reached out and offered me support. One person, a guy I have known for years, actually sat down and had noodles and coffee with me recently. He let me talk about a lot of things and gave some advice. He had experienced the same thing I can going though so he could relate to the pain I am experiencing. He knows who is he and I am deeply thankful for this support. I also ended up calling an emergency outreach outline which provide help in English. There has been a massive outpouring of support from the internet. People have come out of the wood work to offer words of support and love. I am thankful to every person who has taken the time to give a damn about me. With that said, the long process of the total reboot is now under way.

I now understand I have a dark nature which I must admit to fully. For too long I have refused to admit to myself that there is a darkness which lives in me. Everyone has a certain amount of darkness in them but with me it is a little different. My darkness is like an alter-ego of sorts. It is kind of like a `super` version of myself which has been there for a long time. I think it started when I was a kid. I grew up very rough and my father was a hard drinking violent man who taught me to be tough as nails and fight for my very life. I still remember how he used to pick fist fights with me in order to `toughen me up.` I think it was that `kill or be killed attitude` which was the spark of my darkness. If it was not for my mother`s grace I would most likely be dead by now. That is the past; this is now.

Now I am a grown man living in Tokyo Japan. So far, I have lived my life with a rawness which would break most people...and yes I have finally broke. I have let this odd nature of mine become too much for my mind to handle. For years it lay hidden with only a select group of people able to clearly see that I had a major problem. All the stresses of living, not only in a foreign land, but also in a huge metro area has finally brought out the issues with my mental state to the surface. Almost out of no where my behavior became extreme and a bit dangerous. Even now I am struggling to get a handle on everything. Yet, I have established some ground rules.

I don`t like bars anymore. Yeah, I said it. Fuck all that boozing and general bullshit! It is actually not all the fun. Most people are drinking for the wrong reasons. Most people are out there to get drunk, laid or to pick a fight. All three of those things are not really a big interest in my life. Drinking does not help anything. If I want to have sex I don`t have to go very far to get it. Nothing good comes from fighting. So, what is the point of going to a bar? It really does not offer me much.

Most people are not worth my time and effort. They don`t care about me. I would rather focus on people who do care about me and people who I care and love than run around with a gang of sorry fucks who will not stand by me. I know a lot of people who always want to go out drinking with me but they never really spend any time with me. They don`t know me at all. Why am I giving these people any of my valuable time and energy? I really don`t need a lot of people in my life. Most people are just going to give me stress and use me. Fuck most people; seriously!

Choosing my battles. Yeah, this is a big one. Life is full of battles. Most of the drama is not worth my time. Of course I could spend my life going at it with every little shithead who makes my life harder than it should be but it is just not worth it. I prefer peace and love not war and hate. I am learning to accept that some people will cause static for me no matter what I do. I need to brush off people`s shit and move on. My happiness is too important to me to be bothered with constant drama.

Living life for myself. This is something I have not really done for many years. I did not realize it but I have been trying to make the world happy. What I have gotten in return is a massive amount of negative energy and abuse. It is sad to say but most people will use me if I try to please them. My life is about me and only me. I don`t have to make anyone happy if I choose not to do so. I deserve to be happy as well. My personal happiness and peace of mind should be number one. If someone cannot understand that then fuck their sorry ass!

So yeah, the new improved me will be a bit more satanic. I must be a bit more self-centered than I have never been before. Those who believe in me and show me true kindness and love will get the same return to them 200 percent. Everyone else can fuck off! That is the way it has to be in order for me to not go crazy. I have a darkness in me and I have to learn to live with it. It could actually be my advantage if I can learn to control the darker parts of my personality. In order for me to control it there must be some ground rules. I am having a mental breakdown because I was unable to accept who I am. Love or hate me; I will be me. Negative energy is not good for me. It only feeds the darkness inside of me. I think I can manage the natural levels of darkness in my personality as long as it is not fueled by all the shit which tears me down. I want to take in positive energy as much as I can. It feels better and it is good for me overall.

It will take time for me to fully repair my mind but at least now I have some ground rules. There are things which will no longer be acceptable for me anymore. If anyone tries to put negative energy in me, use and abuse me or pushes me to do things I am not okay with then they need to go far far away.  

You Goofy Kids Will Speak English

*Next post will be an update about my on going mental issues. I want to write about something which gives me great joy this time. 

Teaching kids is a measure of what makes or breaks a person`s desire to teach. Unlike adults a kid don`t give a fuck. A kid will pretty much be themselves all the time. They are sure to be selfish, rude and self absorbed much more often then a fully mature adult. Yet, their minds are beautiful and you, the teacher, have the unique ability to be one of the biggest influences in their life. So, stop being a lazy prick when it comes to teaching kids!

There are some damn good teachers out there teaching kids; Chris who writes the Confessions of a Badboy in Japan blog is one of them. Sadly, most of the teachers I know hate teaching kids. They talk so much shit when kids are on their schedule for the day. It only slightly pisses me off because I know just how much job satisfaction and general fun they are missing out on. When kids are on my schedule I know my day will be pretty damn good. Most little ones look up to a teacher. You are their role model and giver of something they cannot get anywhere else; the English language. You would be surprised how many kids look forward all week to their English lesson. It is a really big deal for them. You are that teacher who speaks that funny language which is fun to speak. With all of that said, there is still the job of attempting to teach them.

Most kids have very little focus. When a kid does not want to chill out for a few minutes and learn the base material for the lesson it can make you almost want to walk out of the classroom. I always keep in mind that I am in control of the class. Some kids tend to think that THEY are the boss but that ends when they take my lessons. We have a lot of fun in class but it must always be understood that I am the boss. We get out of our seats and put English into action in every lesson but only when it is time to do so. If I get one who thinks that he/she is going to climb on shit, sit on the table or be a general ass then it is time to learn who is the boss. Remember they are kids so it does not take any harsh methods to get them under control. There are a few basic things I do to remind them that it is MY class.

First, I always try to show them respect. I say, `Hiro! It is book time now. Games come later. It is dangerous to climb on things. Sit down!` I will try that a few times until it become clear the student has no interest in listening to me. The next thing I usually do is pull the old `have it your way buddy.` I simply start the lesson and leave them in the dust. If they don`t want to do what I say then they will do nothing. Usually when they see that the lesson has started and they did not get their invitation, they will sit down and chill out long enough for me to get the ball rolling. Although, sometimes it is simply not enough. As a final measure I will gently pick them up and place them in their seat and proclaim, `Hiro! You sit here. No seat; no game later.` That almost always does the trick. The game is what they always look forward to because they get to have fun with me and use the language we studied. Believe it or not but most kids, especially the 4-6 year age range, like the teacher. They want your attention because they think you are the coolest adult they know. Remember that in Japan you look act and speak nothing like their parents. In my experience they usually misbehave because, in their minds, you will think they are cool like you. They are NOT cool like me and never will be because they are kids and I am a fully grown adult. Their bullshit is not cool in my world.

There is of course that one kid who wants to be a little asshole to you and every student in the class. This type of kid is usually between the age of 5-12 and will rebel against everything because their parents are too fucked up to teach them any manners. In those situations it is time to get real. For example, from time to time I run across the little boy who likes to hit girls. That is a bad habit which could develop into something far worse when they get older. If it was my school their little butt would be out the door. Sadly, I don`t have my own school. I work for a greedy company which refuses to turn away any student as long as the parents pay in cash for lessons every month. So, I have to reenforce basic social morals on the spot. I stop the hitting and say, `Hit me big man!` with a strong enough look on my face to show them this is serious and unacceptable. They stop hitting girls pretty quickly. The other type of little bad ass I usually run across is the one who likes to throw random shit and say profane words in Japanese. In that case I have to prepare the class ahead of time so they there is almost nothing to throw. If I use balls turning the lesson, I keep those balls close to me and out of reach. When they use profane Japanese words I just point at him/her and repeat what they just said. The shock of hearing me say a profane Japanese word, which they just said themselves, is enough to get them to stop.

But getting the little ones focused is only one small part of a good kids teacher`s method. The most important thing is actually teaching them to speak the English language.
 (I am not worried about revealing one of many lesson structures I use because over time all lesson structures change)
I usually do it like this:

1)Happy Hello(students must try to tell me their feeling)
2)Homework check(If there is homework to review)
3) Simon says with the textbook(each student must say either book up,book down,book under the table, book on top of the table. After each command everyone must do what was said)
4)Open book and drill target vocab. and sentences
5) Muilti-Media (usually a CD with listen and repeat activity but anything which reenforces the target language i.e. internet, slide show ect).
6) One practice conversation with each other(among things it helps them to understand the difference between a question and a statement.)
7) Short mini-quiz(any type of quiz style which challenges them to listen to the language and choose the correct answer.)
Game time(any interactive game which involves using the target language for the game to move forward).
8) Homework reminder and Happy Good Bye

This lesson structure is only a base. A kind of guideline I use when working out a way to give the little ones the best I got. This is not the only lesson structure I use when teaching kids. I have 10 different base lesson structures I use for kids. Depending on age and ability. There is no cookie cutter method for teaching kids. It frustrates the living shit out of me when these damn English education companies force teachers to follow a fucking cookie cutter lesson method which quickly becomes stale and totally useless. A better way to do things is to train the teachers on a basic lesson structure and let them experiment from that point. The teachers who give a damn will end up with something totally new and unique over time. The lazy bastards will keep doing the same shit over and over again.  As for me, I am told to do cookie cutter lessons but I just cannot bring myself to do it. The little ones deserve better than that. Most of the kids I teach do in fact get better. I can see for myself that their English ability improves. That is good enough for me to realize that I am doing something right.