NICE: That Damn HillBilly

At first it appeared this would be an easy case. From the moment he was born the job was already half finished. Really, how hard is it to break a dirt poor hillybilly born to a coal miner father and a simple yet loving mother? It is the classic case of `give him enough rope and wait.` Logic would dictate that such a low working class dirtball would take himself out for us. All of them find someway to totally screw up any chance of avoiding being put into their proper place. That is just how his kind are; you know? They are born that way. They are well adjusted to be the shit on the boot of society. All that is needed is to give them some manual labor job, cheap beer, drugs and all the low level vice they can handle and just wait for them to flush themselves down the toilet.

But sometimes that does not work. Sometimes, only a few of them mind you, wise up to their given class status and desire a little more out of life. For those types we go ahead and put them though the system and see how long it takes for them to either give up or totally implode. Usually it takes a couple of years before the desired result is achieved. By that time, they have already developed some behavior habits which will bring about their down fall in short order. Be it women, drugs, mental disorder or anger issues...something will break them.

Yet, sometimes they survive the first round of University study, debt, social integration and dealing with the stress of being placed in an environment with people not of their class. These are the stubborn ones who actually think they are going to make something of themselves. So at that point, it becomes proper to play hardball and take off the kid cloves. He wants to run with the big dogs then so be it. Lay it on him thick without the usual learning curve afforded to those of proper class and birth right. Little dirty redneck thinks he is going to show us up? Damn him and damn anyone who helps him. That bastard of society was not supposed to make it this far. The worst part is that he decided to bit the hand that feeds him.  How dare he demand we show him respect and hand over even a pinch of the power we are entitled to according to our class. If it was not for our mercy he would be on the street selling drugs and being a leach on society.

What do we do with this little man of low class and no honor?

He could kill him. No...that would be too troublesome and require too much effort. He could just take everything away from him which he told near and dear to his heart. No...he might react in a totally insane manner and cause enough damage to have a long lasting effect. We have already made the mistake of educating him on the ways and means of the system. He knows how to create a lot of chaos; the kind of chaos we would rather avoid. Despite the fact that we cannot kill him nor take away what is dear to him, we cannot continue to allow him to freely do as he pleases. That situation is simply not acceptable. He is like a little virus which will just not go off some place and die peacefully. An infection, while not life threatening, still poses a constant threat of costing some of us a few fingers and toes. Yes! Something must be done.

Considering the usual means of dealing with such a man are not practical nor fitting, a little keenness is needed. Remember, he is in the system. A system we created and maintain. It may be best to keep him in the system. Everything is so well structured and in control that a little dirty virus or slight infection is not enough to bring down the entire house of cards. Ah! I got it! Let`s ignore him! Yes! We just not draw attention to him. Do not let others know about him. Let him create all the chaos he wants. It does not matter because he is, after all, one man. Just one little man from low class with no hope of ever reaching the level of inspiring the masses.

He is just one man...right? 

What is the Big Difference Between You and Me Japan?

Howdy yall! You know, after going though the honeymoon, the frustration, the rage, the quake, and breakdown and the fuck it phase of living in Japan, what comes next? It hard to give Japan pure hell or totally love this island I call home. It is an odd situation to live in Japan on a long term basis.

 I have not returned to America in years. I often ask myself why. I have been unable to come up with an answer. I just keep staying here year after year hacking out a life for myself. I do not see, or consider, the end goal of living in Japan. I came here several years ago and I have just stayed. It appears more and more clear to me that Japan is becoming home. I have said it before but recently it has hit me harder than usual. I really have no plans to transplant to another country; not even the one I was born in.

Yet, no matter how long I live here it appears I will be viewed as odd or not totally fit to fit in Japanese society. I am viewed as something different which is not be to melted into society. It is fucked up and I often wonder what the hell is Japan`s big problem with the non-native born.

I often look at modern history(A.K.A post empire Japan) to explain this very unusual habit of many people in Japan to view me as forever the outsider. The people are Japan are really proud of their island nation. They have been though a lot to reach the point they are now. After the war, Japanese became a hardcore exploited people. Everyone lined up to ram their dick right in Japan`s asshole as deep as possible. The people of Japan had little choice but to bend over and take it. While I can understand that some of it has been well justified considering that Japan was once hell bent on taking over Asia and the world if they could have pulled it off, a lot of it was just good old capitalist opportunism. It takes one hell of a greedy vile bastard to strong arm a nation, which had two nuke bombs dropped it, to accept the building of nuclear power plants on it`s soil. America set up a very enlightened government structure and a constitution and handed it over to pretty much the same vile piles of shit who were in control of the country before. The US plants it military on Japanese soil in the form of military bases by bribing the political leaders and ever asking the actual people of Japan if they are okay with it. Then there is the massive amount of foreigners who come to this nation and act like total jackasses displaying a complete disregard for the entire culture and the people. With such realization of just some of the things the common person in Japan has put up with over the years, no wonder many of them keep foreigners at kicking distance.

But after dealing with this daily year after year, it gets to the point in which you want to scream at people saying `What is fuck is yalls god damn problem?! Do I have to start from square one with everyone of you every fucking time?! Get over the fact that I don`t look like you and I was not born here! Fuck!`

Trust me...I have had some epic rants on this issue before here on this blog.

My point here that there is a difference of culture between the native land I was born in and the place I now seemingly call home. Yet, there comes a point in which there needs to be an understanding that not every foreigner is someone to be mistrusted and assumed to be at high risk to exploit everyone and everything around them. It is time for this default setting to be changed in Japan.

Yes, it is true that there are a lot of fat ass, loud mouth, self-righteous fucks in the western world. Although, that does not mean people from the west should be put into a box and assumed to be that way until proven otherwise.

Westerners and Japanese are very different on several keys points but we all are human. It is time to realize the fact of our shared humanity and celebrate the differences while promoting the similarities.    

Americans Starting to Finally Crack Up. Summers Shootings Sign of a Weak Society

Howdy Yall! You know, from time to time I think it is important that I write about the old country. That place on the other side of the planet called The United States of America. This summer has been a little rough on my fellow countrymen. They have been dealing with a harsh heatwave; which I am sure has made some of them regret all those donuts they ate. Also, there has been several dark and twisted shootings this summer which have shocked the American society and been the endless topic of discussion on countless on-line forums. Most of the discussions have been focused on the old pro/anti gun debate. That debate, in my opinion, is like beating on a dead horse. I will not get into that here in my blog. Don`t ask me to do it either. My take of these recent shootings is a bit different and often refused to be talked about.

Random violence carried about by unhinged people is a sign of a weak society, a break down of social duty and communities based on social status rather than human bonds.

That`s right America! You have allowed yourself to become a society of greedy, self absorbed, weak little piggies who have little or no concern for your own surroundings. Ask most Americans what their neighbor does to make money and most likely they cannot tell you. Hell, ask them what their neighbor`s name is and what their hobbies are and you will get the same answer. It appears painfully clear that human bonds are at an all time low in America. People simply don`t give a fuck about each other anymore. This is exactly why nut jobs are able to fester in a local community until one day they snap and kill a boat load of people. No one gives a damn what crazy Charlie across the street is thinking and doing everyday until he starts shooting people. Then you want to lock him up in jail and forget about him. Everyone will put all the blame on Charlie without giving a second thought about societies failure to keep an eye on him. It is true that before someone goes on a killing spree there are plenty of signs that they are planning to do it. For example: If you see your neighbor hanging out with Neo-Nazi, talking to himself or doing odd things at all times of the day or night you might want to keep an eye on them or try to talk to them. You might prevent something dark and twisted from happening.

Yet, few people will do anything until it is too late. After a shooting rampage people always say things like, `I knew he was crazy` or `I knew he was up to something.` Well, if you knew something was up why did you sit back and not try to find out if your neighbor was getting ready to go off? Were you lazy, shy, scared or just so self-absorbed that you thought it was not your problem? Well, when you family and friends are dead on the street it is your problem.

You see how that works?

If you want to have a safe community, then you have to be part of creating a strong community. There is no logic to be found in simply saying it is not your problem until something happens. As long as society is self absorbed and weak, you will have a high number of twisted people just waiting for the day to go off and kill innocents.

Something to think about.

The Redneck Knows Whats up! Asshole!

Howdy! It is me again. Everyone`s favorite gaijin rebel. Once again I take to writing on this little blog of mine to express things which are often not expressed when it comes to the topic of Japan. I know, some of you really fucking hate me. Some people out there even think that I am a dumb ass hillybilly without a clue. I am okay with such thinking these days because I am much stronger then when I first started writing this blog. For example, take a look at that picture there. Yeah, that is me. I must have been about 24 in this picture. It was taken in Vegas of all places. I was trying to look good for the lady. She was special to me, and still is, a big part of my life. In those days I was a rebel with no direction nor purpose. I hated the way things were but had no clear idea as to how to change things. All I knew was that I did not like the ways things were. I could feel it in my heart but had no way to clearly express the major problems I saw daily. So...what did I do? Well, I rebelled in every way I could.

I hated the massive amount of racism which surrounded me. So, I decided to refuse to date white women as a rejection of the thinking that white women were better than non-white gals. In fact, my best emotional and sexual experiences have been with non-white women. Taste the world boys, and you will never go back to white gals. I hated how everyone focused on money all the time. So, I started to barter with my friends and avoid exchanging money as much as I could. I offered `other` services in exchange for a bit of `the good life.` The power of the cult of personality became very clear to me at a very early age. If people `like you` you would be surprised what they will do for you in exchange for your time or company. If you can make people feel good either with your ideas or charm, they will give you all the `gold` you could ever want. It still amazes me how I can get people to do things for me just because they `like me.` Yet, all is not perfect in Never Never Land.

Something happened which I did not expect....I got older and my mind aged with my body.

Wisdom is a gift and a curse. I am sure it happened as I left my 20`s. I had spend the majority of my 20`s rebelling against the things I did not like at random. I had no clear plan nor direction. I reacted very naturally without fear of punishment or social backlash. In my late 20`s I got my first taste of hardcore establishment at the highest levels. Think about it, rebellious guy in his late 20`s given total control of an entire area of a company. I was given free reign to do as I wished as long as nothing went wrong. I thought I had achieved exactly what I wanted; having the power to change things from the inside out. Damn...was I wrong.

It did not take long for me to see that something was not as it seemed. I was told to do as I see fit but I also noticed that I got blamed for many things which I had nothing to do with. At first, I brushed it off as assholes being assholes...but that was my biggest mistake. You see, in the corporate world assholes run the show. There are no good people in management so you can get a good picture as to my situation. Shit really does flow in one direction...straight fucking down hill! If one of those assholes could blame me for something, they would do so gladly. So, in my rebellious nature I decided to fight. Little did I know that assholes always play dirty. I underestimated the slimy level assholes will go in order to save their own ass. I was shocked and beside myself by what I witnessed go down. They tried to set everyone up. It made me sick to my stomach and gave me nightmares for months! Yet, I survived it all and came out of it pretty clean. I did lose my so-called title but I did not care about that so much in the first place. I will never forget that experience for as long as I live because it was a turning point on my life. I finally realized what the problem was...greed hate and ego.

It all really comes down to these things; greed, hate and ego.

When I was a little bit younger, I did not realize the driving forces I was playing on to get the things I wanted. Now, I am fully aware, at the age of 32, exactly what drives men and women of power. Give them a chance to make more money; they will love you. Give them a change to take revenge on those they see as a threat; they will love you. Give them a regular boost to their ego; they will consider you as a half god. Yet, the moment you challenge the establishment or do something which puts their power in question, they will come at you with all the rage of hell. It is still shocking for me to see someone change so quickly in regards to their attitude towards me. I have seen men and women go from worshiping the ground I walk on to cursing the same ground to the fires of hell. If I do not make them money, help them destroy others or feed their ego, I must be against them. This is the mind set we, the common people, are dealing with. And in Tokyo, the seat of the national government, greed hate and ego rules over everything.

If you dig deep enough in this blog, you will read about my struggle to understand the darkness which surrounds me. It is a pretty interesting story to say the least. A mountain boy comes to the big bad city of Tokyo. He is amazed by all that he sees. People seem to `like` him. Then once his natural since of justice is exposed, the darkness comes to destroy him. Yet, the hate greed and ego did not destroy me. I am still here and standing taller than before. These days, I am fully aware of whats up and I do not approve. I could easily run but I don`t like the easy way. I would rather stand and fight. You would be surprised by how many good people there actually are in Tokyo. The problem is that they are scared of what is to come. Japan is damn near on the verge of revolution and many people are scared of such things. They don`t know if they should go for it or sit on the fence and wait it out. That is where my foreignness comes into play. If they see that I can break the so-called rules, speak my mind openly and live a life with meaning, well who knows what might happen. 

Microaggression In Japan: Jealous and Spiteful Japanese Reactionaries

It is only a problem when we do it; right?

Howdy Y'all! It happened again it seems. Life, and other things, pulled me away from this blog. Yet, everyone's favorite gaijin hillbilly is back again. I have more things I want to talk about with y'all again. More things to share and more ideas to express. Make sure to read this and this before going forward to understand what I am about to bring up.

I hope you are ready because...here...we...go.


Anyone with a clue, and sadly there are not many, realize there is a major double standard here in Japan when it comes to us gaijin and Japanese folk. Just take a look at the pic to your left. I am sure that while Japanese men can be horny wolves who chase anything with a pussy, when gaijin men do the exact same thing we are the bad guys.  I have seen so many J-dudes treat women like shit yet these same men get pissed off when a gaijin man even raises his voice to a women in public. Truth be known, a lot of J-dudes don't help their lady friend out so much. Of course, I have talked to a hell of a lot of J-dudes during my time in Japan so far. When the topic of 'helping yo lady' comes up there are common responses such as, 'I don't cook, that is women's work, I don't know how to clean my own clothes, that is for women to do, It is better that women never give their opinion, Men make money, women serve men etc...' Yet, you dare let one of us gaijin mutter any negative opinion toward Japanese women and suddenly we are the lowest form of shit in the universe. I do not hold any of the attitudes or opinions about the opposite sex mentioned in the above sentences, but that does not matter to the average Japanese. It seems that because I am gaijin, I must clearly be a rapist and a women beater no matter what the truth may be. After many years of dealing with this double standard, it seems clear to me that the Japanese mindset is such that they can be dirty slime balls as much as they want but gaijin are expected to be the highest form of human perfection. It seems the agenda is to make it so hard to adjust to life in Japan that we will give up and 'go home.'

Although, the method to attempt to force us to 'give up and go home' is a complex one indeed. This is were microaggression comes into play.

I look at microaggression in Japan the same way as a dog and a bowel of food. Y'all ever see a dog guard his bowel of food when he is not really hungry? Y'all know, the little bastard does not want the food but he will be dammed if anyone touches it. Microaggression in Japan is very similar to a dog who wants to keep everyone away from a bowl of food he does not want in the first place. Gaijin are expected to be perfect because, in my mind, they want us to be what they are unable to be. They want to hold us up to a standard which most humans simply cannot live up to everyday. Even if you are somehow able to live up to even a fraction of that fantasy standard, be damned if we turn right around and expect them to live up to the same standard. That is when the mircoaggression starts.

It goes like this: "We Japanese hate ourselves and our nation. We know we are fucked up and treat you gaijin like shit. Yet, we like being fucked up because it gives us an excuse to blame you for not being as fucked up as us. So, we will guard our bowel of food with the up most aggression, not because we actually like the food, but because as long as we are fucked up and expect you to be perfect you can never get one over on us. We really don't want to live this way but it is better for everyone involved. After all, you are a gaijin, and as we all know, you have a natural advantage over us as being able to move in and out of our society as you please. Fuck you gaijin! Fuck you because due to your sense of liberty and equality people like you and don't like us. So, we must force you to be perfect and pure. As long as we can force you to try to be perfect and pure, we can fuck you over and get away with it. Your forced perfection makes it easier for us to fuck you over as we see fit. If you are actually able to live up to the standard we place on you...well this is Japan so we will turn around and expect you to be just as fucked up as us. As soon as you live up to one standard, we will change the rules and expect you to suddenly live up to a totally new standard which we will create out of thin air. Don't like it? You can always go back to the dirty liberal nation from which you came."

That is the core of microaggression in Japan.


I know, it may be hard to believe me. Fair enough. Due to the cute fucking image of Japan that westerns suck up like scarface on a coke binge, the reality of living in Japan...I mean really living in Japan, is often covered up by images of Shibuya hoes, High school Harajuku shallowness and old beat up temples. That is only the surface of Japan and not the real deal. So, what is it like to deal with mircoaggression? Please allow me to explain.

It usually starts with a look. They look at you with this kind of asshole smile usually followed by some under the belt shot at you verbally. I have pretty much heard it all,"Why do you speak English in Japan?, You don't really use chopsticks correctly; you know?, English is a noisy language, When are you going back to your country?,  Gaijin stink! Take a bath!, Japanese are peaceful people so we don't understand why gaijin are so violent?, You gaijin have too many opinions, Why don't you just do it our way?, Japan is a safe country unlike America were people kill each other for fun, We are farmers and you are hunters so you are violent and we are not, Gaijin all look the same, Why is your noise pointed?, Japanese girls only like you because you have a big dick, and my all time favorite: We lost the war so we have to give you fucking Gaijin visa to come and teach English and fuck stupid Japanese girls." All of these things have actually been said to my face here in Japan.

The above quotes are a perfect example of microaggression in Japan. They seem to have a hard time with holding us up to a fantasy standard, which if we actually live up to, pisses them off beyond belief. It makes me think that a lot of Japanese really do think, deep in their hearts, that gaijin are everything they love and hate about humanity. They hate themselves so in turn they want another group to blame and hate so they will feel better about being uptight assholes who are on a mission to sink their nation to the bottom of the ocean. They cannot admit that they really like us and our way of thinking. If they fully admit they like us then they must also look at themselves and how fucked up they have allowed their society to become. It is simply too much for the average Japanese to do so they often choose to be a nasty little cunt with an ego the size of Mt. Fuji. It makes them feel good to take a shot at a Gaijin.

...And that is microaggression in Japan. If you live here and cannot understand this daily bullshit then you are truly brain dead or brainwashed by the Japanese corp. machine.


And might I add...

There are still many really cool people here in Japan. I have seen things here which also inspire me and uplift me. Not everyone here fits the picture I have just painted. It is just that this post is a picture of a combination of several years living and working in Japan daily. There is a problem with racism and xenophobia in Japan. Still, Japan offers many things besides harsh realities of a semi-isolated society who have a distrust of foreigners.   

I'm a Bad Man: Japan! Don't Fight Drunk Hill Billies on the Train

Howdy Yall! It goes without saying that getting into a fight on any train in Tokyo is a very bad idea. Don't get me wrong, if you gotta fight...you gotta fight. Yet, if you can avoid it, it is best to not fight on the train. There are so many things that could go tragically wrong during a train fight. Hell, getting arrested should be the least of your concerns. Remember, most trains in Tokyo are crowded pretty much at all hours they are running. Only early as hell in the morning, i.e. the first trains, and around 2:00 pm they can be a little lean. Although, the chances that you are going to get into a fight on the first morning train, or just after mid-day, is slim to none. If some shit is going to go down, it is going to happen during the morning commute, the afternoon commute or when everyone is getting shit faced at night. When the train is crowed, a massive amount of bad business can go down. For starters, if you throw a punch and miss, you just might end up socking a women dead in the face. That is not going to end well for you. Secondly, your little fist fight could inspire others to join in the fun. A train car is not a bar. A wild wild west cluster fuck brawl only works in a bar or on the street. Inside of a packed train car, filled to the brim with pissed off over worked Japanese, will end up with a lot people seriously injured or maybe even killed. So yeah, a train fight has many unseen dangers.

Yet, there are still times when avoiding a train fight is easier said than done.

I have had three little 'conversations' on the train. I am not talking about the southern gentlemen polite kind of conversations either. For some reason there is lack of folks willing to dish out a ass kicking in Tokyo. This sad fact explains exactly why there is an over flow of loud mouth assholes who just don't know when to stop while they are ahead. Don't get me wrong, Tokyo is a hell of a town! Yet, with all the nice things Tokyo has to offer, it also brings with it a lot of spoiled fuckers who are so damn self absorbed they actually believe their shit smells like roses. Well, they believe their shit smells like roses, until of course, they meet me.

I am willing to put up with a lot of shit just to get from point A to point B in order to do something I actually like, which is teaching English, and to make some money so I can put food on the table.  The daily crap that goes down on the trains in Tokyo is enough to drive someone over the edge and straight into a murderous rampage. Don't worry yall, I have never killed anyone in Tokyo. Yet, when my buttons are pushed, in that extra special way that only a dickless spoiled Tokyo salary man can do, I will stand by ground.

Now, the first time I had any problems on the train was actually pretty early on in this whole 'living in Japan forever' business. I had finished work early that day and decided to take my gal out for a few drinks in Ikebukuro. We got on the damn Joban line. That train is known for having a lot of crazy fuckers on it daily. Still, I never expect for any crazy asshole to come floating my way.

As we all know, shit gets stupid when we least expect it.

So, I was chatting up my gal when suddenly crazy asshole decided to pay me a visit. Out of no where I heard someone say, 'Motherfucker shut your fucking mouth!' I turned around to see who the fuck was saying such uncalled for comments. Some guy, at least twice my size, was giving me the devil stare while calling me out. To be honest, I was shocked. What the hell did I do to deserve such a verbal attack? So...I ask as much: 'Dammit buddy. Are you okay?' The following exchange went down as such.

Crazy asshole: 'I will be okay when you shut the fuck up!'
Tokyo Ghost: 'Now look here...I don't know you and besides I was not even talking to you'
Crazy asshole: 'You just shut the fuck up before I fuck you up...white boy'
Tokyo Ghost: 'I think your mouth is writing checks your ass cannot cash, buddy'

He gets right in my face and goes for the stare down. I actually had to look up at him to engage in the stare down(yeah, he was bigger and taller than me). I think every Japanese on the train was scared shitless of what was unfolding. He wanted to fight me so bad he could taste it. All I could say was, 'If you wanna brawl on this damn train I will, but know that we will both go to jail for this stupid shit.' I guess he came to his senses because at the next station he got off the train and said, 'I will be watching you' Whatever the fuck that meant.

The second time crazy asshole found me on the train was one time when I was way too drunk to even be on the train. It was summer in Tokyo. Yall know what summers in Tokyo are like, right? It was a hot summer night and I wanted to have a few beers on the street with some drinking buddies. So, of course I got hammered like a jackass. I actually had to have my buddies help me to the station. I must have been a pretty sad sight. Yet, an evening of drunken gaijin hijinks was not over for me.

I was somehow able to get on the damn train just fine. The only problem was there were no empty seats. A drunkard needs a seat while on the train. Standing up on the train will only piss the drunkard off and cause him to lose whatever since of civility he had left.

And sure as shit someone had to fuck with me.

I called up my gal for a very special drunk dial. My plan was masterfully thought out. I called her up and started ranting on about fucking rabbits on the train. She thought it was damn funny, but some hardened fella standing across from me did not share in my humorous drunken madness.  I get a very hard tapping of a finger on my shoulder. When I turn around he shakes his finger at me and tries to take my phone. Drunk hill billy logic made quick order out of the situation: Man laid hands on me-man tried to steal from me-time to get some shit started! The Redneck came out of me so damn quick I am sure the guy damn near shit his pants. I totally lost my cool. I started shouting some mad crazy shit while I had him pinned up against the damn train door. I think it went something like this, 'Motherfucker! You laid hands on me! What the fuck...are you retarded? And you tried to rob me! Fuck you! You dirty little Jap bastard! I should kill your sneaky Jap bastard ass!' Before any of you give me shit for behaving in such a manner....I know that was really fucked up. I should have never said that shit to that guy nor should I have pinned him up against the train door. But....fuck him! He had it coming. It is always a bad idea to mess with a drunk hill billy on a train in a large metro area. Almost every human on the planet knows the above fact is very true except the Japanese it seems. Yet, don't worry because I honestly felt like a total prick the next day. That guy got the raw end of the deal simply because he was Japanese and did not understand how the outside world works at all. Did I feel bad about it? Yes. Should I have mercy in the future? I should but I will not. The only way to make Japan a stronger nation is to stop feeling sorry for them and always showing them mercy.

I should have learned my lesson after that little drunken explosion. Sadly, one more thrown down needed to take place before I realized it is highly advised to maintain your shit while on the train.

This one actually happened early last summer. My stress level had started to get out of hand during that time. None the less, it was still fun to thrown down a few cold ones with co-workers to blow off steam. This was also before it had finally sunk into my head to stop getting hammered drunk so much. I took one of my few trusted gaijin co-workers, along with two young gals who work in the company, out for a night of getting wasted. This was bad to start off with because I was the only one who did not have to work the next day. I should be better than to take my co-workers out and get them wasted all night knowing full well they have to work the next day. The hell with it! They are big boys and girls and know exactly what they are getting into. Anyway, it was a crazy drunken night and some things went down I would rather not repeat.

The really crazy part did not happen until day break.

I said farewell to my co-workers and hoped on the train. I was standing on the train half drunk, tired, wearing jackboots, boot cut jeans and a free Tibet T-shirt on. Yeah, I looked like a real class act. It was very clear that the best thing to do was leave me be. Yet, Japan would just not have it that way. Some fat ass middle aged salary man just had to be a prick at exactly the wrong time. The guy started snorting at me and saying 'drunk gaijin go home.' I was not in the mood to deal with that sort of thing at 6:30 am. I tried my best to brush him off but he started getting louder and louder. All I simply said was,'Nani?' His genius response,'You a drunkard. Go home.' We quickly started arguing about my legal status for living in Japan. It got heated pretty quick. I finally got tired of this racist B.S and told him to get up and do something or leave me the hell alone. And you know what? He actually got up and tried to do something about my gaijin ass living in his nation. Sadly, the damn guy had the fighting ability of a 16 year old J-girl. He started waving his arms around in an attempt to slap me. I started decking him in the face until he decided to sit the fuck down and chill out. After he sat back down, with blood coming from his mouth, he just kind of looked at each other with black heart stares. That little live action social warfare was something no one of that train expected to see before 7:00 am. Again, I scared the shit out of everyone on the train. The funny thing about the whole stunt was that he got off at the next station and everyone else acted like nothing happened. Japanese are always good for keeping a secret when you really need them to keep something on the down low.

After that last fucked up train action I swore to myself to not get into anymore shit on the train. Fighting on the train is not good and should always be considered unacceptable. Point blank: Don't do it! Just because I have done it does not mean everyone else should also do it. Although, it will forever be hard for me to shame anyone else for train fighting because my hill billy ass is guilty as sin.


There is only one positive thing about my days on the train fighting circuit: Japan has learned to never fight hill billies on the fucking crowded Tokyo trains.

I'm a Bad Man: But I Don't Gun Down Angels

Howdy Y'all. I have never really considered myself to be a 'good guy.' A lot of people tell me what a good guy I am but in my own mind I know things about myself that they don't. When I look back on my life so far, I sometimes find myself thinking 'Damn! Did you really do that...oh yeah you really did do that.' Some of those things I did for my own sick pleasure, while other acts of madness were carried out for my own survival. When you are born into dirt poor Hill Billy poverty, you learn pretty quick that morality can be relative sometimes and a good man really is hard to find. I remember growing up being told by everyone, except my mother, that there was nothing good about me. I was a dirt poor piece of redneck trash in most people's eyes and there was no two ways around changing their minds. So, yall can guess what it was like growing up in such an environment. I am surprised that the grown man you see in the picture to your left has made it this far.  Yet, I have to come to terms with my background. So let's start to deal with it, shall we?

My daddy partying with his buddies while holding my sister

Guns were apart of my daily existence from a very young age. There were men carrying guns around me daily. I really did not know the idea of 'gun totting America' as the Japanese media loves to proclaim until I started to venture beyond the mountains. It was not uncommon for my house to have a gang of hard working, poker playing, beer drinking, gun packing bad asses hanging around. I remember seeing just about every type of gun one could think of by the time I was 12. For some damn reason all of them liked to show me how to use all those guns. I was damn near a fire arms expert before I entered Junior High. My mother hated the idea of me playing with guns all the time but there was not much she could do about it. It is not an easy task to tell hardcore mountain men to stop giving the kid guns to play with. The first time I actually shot a gun must have been when I was about eight years old. My daddy was drinking with his buddies and one of them had a common .45 on him. One of the guys bet my father that I could not shoot a 40 of malt liqueur off of a dog house about 15 feet away from the door. Out of stubborn pride, my father took that bet. I was so excited that I popped off too many shots in a row and ended up shooting the 40 and the guys front driver side wheel of his near by pick-up truck. I think they got into a fight over that little stunt I pulled. So yeah, guns were apart of daily life for me.

But as we all know, playing with guns are fun until something fucked up happens. 

Fast forward to my freshmen year in university. As you can expect, the college crowd did not take well to my hill billy ass. My college buddies ended up being outsiders and foreigners who were a bit too different to be accepted by my fellow Americans. I did not mind my buddies much because they liked to create a little hell on earth just like I did. I made friends with a Russian guy from St. Petersburg. No one really liked him because he was VERY Russian and did not give a fuck what anyone thought about him. We used to buy MD 20/20, get drunk as fuck, and then throw firecrackers at each other. Yeah, we were into that kind of fun.

Anyway, the first time I returned home was for Thanksgiving break. I was dating a chick from India at the time so she was coming home with me. Yuri soaked around campus a week before because none of the host families would take him in for the break because they were scared of him; and for good reason. So, I told him if he would give Sheela and I a ride to my house he could stay with me over Thanksgiving break. I had no idea at the time how much of a bad idea that would turn out to me.

The first night should have been a warning sign that it was going to be a fucked up week. When we arrived at my house Sheela was tired so she went to sleep. I called up a few buddies, got Yuri high off some weed, and took him to a high school football game. He fell in love with American football. He was yelling at the players to 'kill each other you American bastards' and trying to pick a fight with the line ref. Everyone was giving us the 'die you commie fuckers' look the entire time. Yuri did not give a fuck and was singing the damn Russian national anthem at half time. We were lucky to get out of there alive. And that was day one...

During the course of the next few days the four of us, my father included, developed a taste for cheap Tequila, arguing about everything and fists fights(the fights were was mostly my father and I after Sheela pissed him off). Yeah, we were having a good old fashioned West Virginia good time. 

It was all fun and games until one night Yuri got drunk and wanted some pussy.

On the first day I told Yuri that the guy who lives on the hill across the road will let you fuck his wife if you give him some pills. I said that as a joke but Yuri thought I was serious. One night Yuri got more drunk than usual and decided it was time to get his fuck on.  He still had some Xanax he had bought from some wigged out science major. He grabbed the bottle of Xanax, my dads condoms, and as he marched out the door proclaimed, 'I'm going up hill to trade pills for man's wife.' My dad had long ago passed out, Sheela was high off her ass, my fat ass gay cousin so too drunk and I was left to try and stopped Yuri. I tried to talk him out of it but he just kept saying, 'Good loving for good pills' and knocked me on the ground several times. I finally gave up and said to him,'fine you crazy Russian motherfucker, if you wanna get killed tonight go night ahead.' We all just waited for the gun shot to break the silence of the night.

They spoke loud and with confidence.

Yuri: Ryan said you will trade pills for the fucking of your wife? I am here to make trade.
Angry Redneck: What the fuck are you!?
Yuri: I am Russian and I come to fuck your wife! Where is she? 

A few minutes later....BOOM! 'You Russian commie bastard! Get off my land before I kill you!'

The boom sound came from the business end of a double barrel pump action shot gun. The death threat came from a man named Randy; and he was pissed the fuck off.

Yuri came rolling back to my house as cool as a penguin. He kicked open my door and coldly said, 'Where is gun? Time for American asshole with slut wife to die!'

He went right to the gun case and picked out a truly classy weapon; a rifle which had not been properly cleaned for about a year. He also grabbed a box of bullets and started to head out the door. At that point I had to stop his crazy ass from going on a murderous rampage. As Yuri was loading the gun I hit him square in the jaw, but that only dazed him. I hit the bastard again with a good old fashioned Irish upper cut and he was down for the count. It was then that I noticed that Sheela and my fat ass gay cousin had been watching the scene unfold with a look of pure horror on their faces. They looked like they had just watched a zombie take a bite out of someone. If the whole situation had not been so fucked up, I might have started laughing at them.

Seeing that Yuri was pretty much out cold, the three of us want out back and smoked a joint. We thought it was all over...but Yuri was not finished yet. When we heard his Ford Bronco start up and kick up gravel as it hauled ass out of the driveway I simply gave the fuck up. He was sure to get himself killed one way or the other. Yet, to my surprised he return within 30 minutes with some very special friends. Yuri's new friends were four cops cars and eight pissed off cops. They circled his Bronco while one of them shouted, 'One of you Smith's come out here and claim this son of the bitch.' I was the only Smith in the house who was smart enough to deal with those cops. Dad was passed out and my fat ass gay cousin was too much of a pussy to talk to the cops. I came outside and said, 'I am a Smith. What the hell did he do?'

The lead cop took me to the side and very smoothly said, 'I don't know were this guy is from but he is fucking crazy. One of our officers was on traffic duty and that bastard tried to hump the damn hood of the officers car. Now you look here Smith boy, You lock him up in a room and do not let him out until he sobers up. If we catch him out again tonight we will take him to the station and you know what will happen there. Do you understand me you little Smith asshole?'

I agreed and they cut Yuri loose. I told Yuri to go pass out in my room. I made sure to lock the damn door behind him. From that day forward he forever became known as the Yuri the redneck Russian.

As unbelievable as this tale seems, I can assure you that it is all true. I cannot make this shit up.

My life is much more mellow how compared to my days living in the mountains of West Virginia. Which is most likely why I have damn near lost my mind here in Japan. Being a good guy who is so damn polite is not easy when you come from the kind of place I have. The social pressures of Japan have damn near broke me but I am sure most people in Tokyo could never handle West Virginia.

This is the first in a series of posts about my background. I need to comes to terms with what made me who I am today. It will switch from my life in West Virginia and here in Japan. I am sure you will find these post to be entertaining and enlightening.

A Sexless Rebellion in Japan? Japanese are Refusing to Fuck.

Howdy Yall! We have all heard of Japan having many 40 year old virgins who don't even know what a pussy looks like. Hell, on a day when I am more keen than usual I can damn near pick them out from a crowd. It is usually the guys who sit on the train as if they have something stuck up their ass. You know, the ones who have man purses and the facial expression of a bright eyed women. The guys who are so timid that it seems as if they cut off their own balls and sold them to some pervert in Akiba. The Japanese refer to these types as herbivore men. They choose to give up on sex, or any romantic relationship, and instead focus on meaningless hobbies and self absorbed lifestyles. They are even known to develop very bizarre fuck buddy partnerships with sex dolls. Yet, what is not being asked is why so many Japanese are rejecting to engage in the time honored tradition of fucking like rabbits? 

I gave the some thought as to the reason why Japan is giving up on sex, after watching a recent TYT report about a survey that
found 36 percent of males age 16 to 19 have zero interest in sex and even despise the idea of getting their fuck on. To be honest, my first reaction to this was 'Dammit Japan! What the hell is your damn problem?' I mean really, how do you manage to create an entire generation of young men who are trading fucking girls for fucking lifeless sex dolls and dating girls from video games? To say the least, I had to think about this one for a bit. Considering that I live in Japan and interact with the society daily, my answer to the question at hand draws on my direct experience with the Japanese people and their current modern society.

To my mind, I think the youth of Japan, as well as many 20 and 30 somethings, are rejecting sex and reproducing, as a means of rebellion in a society which leaves little room for overt individuality  or social change. Of course, though means of mass commercialism and consumerism , it would seem that there is plenty individual self expression in Japan. Yet, after living here for a while it is clear to me that people are forced fed a form of, not only individuality, but also sexuality which just does not feel natural to them.

Think about it y'all...

From a very early age most J-guys are fed the idea that they should carry a be cool, I don't give a fuck, bad asses, you should be stubborn as a mull and treat women like sex object which serve, at most, as social status kind of attitude. To be married to a hot women who will crank out babies and treat their husband like a little boy, is the image most J-guys are told to have of women.If you are a J-guy who wants more out of a close relationship with a women, you are pretty much left with few options for a partner. No wonder more and more J-guys are saying, 'screw it! I don't want anything to do with any of these dumb ass chicks.'

And speaking of the ladies, the situation does not get much better.

According to the recent survey reported on by TYT, almost 60 percent of girls between the age of 16 to 19 have zero interest in sex. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I was a teenager the girls carried just as much of an aggressive attitude towards sex as the guys. Hell, I was hit on by more girls than I hit on myself. During my high school days, it did not take much to get a blowjob. It become very clear to me pretty early on that America is a nation of lovers. Although, sexuality has often been used as a form of rebellion in the USA. Yet, here in Japan the lack of sexuality is used as an act of rebellion. Women in Japan are forced into being nothing more than sex objects as soon as possible. I mean, just look at all the perverts in Japan going crazy over very young girls in school uniforms. I think most people are aware of the rape club scandal at Wasada University.If you want to get a wolf like reaction out of men in Japan, simply mention school girls. It seems to be universally accepted that school girls(either jr/high school or University) are sex objects. No wonder the younger generation of Japanese women are rejecting their own sexuality. Just think of what it must be like to walk knowing full well that you school uniform is viewed as something to make you a sex object.

Does Japanese society offer these young men and women other options to express their sexuality in a natural manner. Of course not! So, these high numbers of young people rejecting sex all together in order to develop a personality and identity which is not forced fed to them based solely on their sexuality should not be surprising.

What all of that said, Japan still needs to fuck. They have a population which will decrease by 1/3 by 2060. This is a serious problem which Japanese society refuses to address. Japanese need to be able to express and explore their own sexuality without being forced to view each other as sex objects.

A sexless rebellion is not the kind of rebellion which will benefit the nation at all. It is turning the nation into a gang of sexless self absorbed uptight assholes who will destroy Japan unless the powers that be give up their tight grip on the culture.

Dammit Japan! You really need to fuck!

OBEY! Or You Cannot Live in Japan

Howdy Yall! I think most of the world knows that Japanese are a controlled and repressed people. It is also common knowledge that it did not take military on the street or public beatings to achieve a modern society of slavish worker drones. All that was needed was good old fashioned propaganda and mental intimidation. Government and business in Japan have done a very good job of scaring the living shit out of the people of Japan. I can say with full confidence that the hard working people of Japan are brainwashed to the point that most of them are scared of their own shadow. This has been the situation long before I arrived on the shores of the land of the rising sun; and will continue to be true for years to come.

Yet, Japan should know that I don't have to play ball.

In fact, whenever I am given the chance I will support any resistance any Japanese citizen gives to a system which has made them weak mindless drones. I did the same thing in American so there is no point for me to change now. Americans are also brainwashed, but in a very different way. Many Americans are brainwashed to accept ultra violence, endless war, hate, greed and increasing government control over their lives. This is a fact about American society which many Americans will refuse to ever admit. Ask your average American about America and they will give you this fantasy image of a free peaceful society in which everyone has total rights under the laws of liberty. That is a fucking lie! America is a fascist war machine which pretends to be a democracy. Yet, so many American Ex-pats living in Japan dare not expose the truth to the Japanese people. They just cannot come to terms with the fact that American society might be just as brainwashed as Japanese society. Well, as you can tell I hold no fantasies about my native nation. With that said, Americans are also some of the most outgoing and friendly people on the planet. Yes, I love American culture but have no love for the fucking government.

While many Americans are indeed brainwashed, Japanese have had their minds beaten into the mud by the shit kicking jackboots of social conformity racial harmony. That is some heavy shit to deal with daily so I have nothing but empathy for Japanese people. Yet, there are times when you must say 'fuck all that. Something is wrong and I will not put up with it anymore.' It is very rare in Japan for folks to stand up and resist social and political dogma; but it does happen. I have seem it with my own eyes. A perfect example of this is Occupy Tokyo. I know what you must be thinking, 'The Occupy movement in Tokyo? I thought that was a bunch of spoiled college kids and lazy do nothings.' Come on now! You are smarter than to believe such propaganda. There in fact a Occupy Tokyo and they do in fact have very clear goals in mind. The Japanese media has engaged in a total blackout of a group of Japanese who want nothing more than actual democracy and a nuclear free nation. I have not only met with Occupy Tokyo but have also stood by them and marched by their side. They are a very different breed of the Occupy movement. They make their goals very clear: no nuclear power and no TPP(Trans-Pacific Partnership). They get harassed daily by the extreme Japanese right-wing fascist  group known as the Uyoku Dentai. The police attempt to place pressure on the group to leave the area of the METI building they currently occupy. Yet, they remain in solitary fighting and resisting in a nation which standing up for yourself is considered to be the ultimate sin.

While it is true that 'to obey' is an easy way to survive in Japan, it is much better to stand up for yourself on this little island nation. Life may be a little harder and you will have to deal with the massive social pressure to sit down and shut up. You will, in the end, make yourself and Japan a stronger society and nation.

If you are able, head on over to Occupy Tokyo in front of the METI building in Tokyo. Meet with them and stand by them. They are a rare example of people standing up for themselves in Japan.        

You Can Sleep When You are Dead

Howdy Y'all! So, there has been an odd side effect of a mental breakdown that I have not been dealing with. In fact, I have pretty much chosen to play it off and hope it goes away. Despite my best efforts, it just will not go away. I think my body has forgotten how to sleep. I know that sounds crazy, but it sure as hell feels like my body has simply forgotten how to maintain a steady sleep pattern. I have experienced this kind of thing before but not like it has been over the past few months.

During my college days, I was known to operate on very little sleep. It was not uncommon to see me show up for class looking pretty ragged out. I would stay up and either study or do drugs for days on end. It freaked folks out sometimes. I remember once I showed up for a creative writing class to recite a short story I had wrote. I looked like the walking dead. My eyes were totally blood shot and my jeans actually had blood on them(bloody jeans due to cutting the shit out my face while shaving before class). I recited a story I had written while on a all night Jack Daniels and weed bender. Everyone in the damn class, including the teacher, just stared at me with a look of horror as I recited a story about a guy who could not remember if he was alive or dead. I pretty sure the entire situation scared the living shit out of everyone. Damn teacher even asked me what as up after class. I told her the cold dirty truth, 'I was up all night smoking weed, drinking jack and writing this story.' She never asked me about my personal life again.

But that was then and this is now....

Now, the cause of my inability to drift off into dreamland is a bit different. One of the side effects of Bi-polar is something called cycling. Cycling causes you to not sleep. This sucks a big green donkey dick but facts are facts sadly. I have been trying to find a way to force my body into a somewhat regular sleep pattern but so far nothing has worked. I usually end up rolling around in the bed for hour after hour until I give up. It is not a constant problem. Sometimes I will be able to sleep pretty well for about a week or two before this shit flares up again. It kind of comes and goes.

I have pin pointed what causes my body to lose a regular sleeping habit. When something happens which I cannot resolve emotionally, my mind just gets stuck in a loop trying to work things out in my mind. Since I am a man, my chemical make up makes my mind attempt to rationalize every damn thing. Unfortunately, my emotions flow free like an untouched river hidden deep in the Appalachian Mountains. So, I can slip into a mental freeze up a bit easier than I really desire. I can compare it to pulling off a balancing act at a circus while tripping your balls off on some mushrooms. It will take some time for me to convince my since of logic that it really is just all in my head.

So, I might as well take advantage of the situation. This whole lack of sleep things actually increases my creativity. My writing is a bit more on point and I can get some pretty deep, and bitch ass long fucking time to read, research done. The kind of things I research tend to take a hell of a lot of time to read though and digest. I can also complete a few things I was looking forward to in some crazy ass computer game I should have never gotten hooked on in the first place.

Although, I should not consider the advantages to be so positive. Not being able to maintain a regular sleep pattern is nothing to take lightly. I will have to come up with a plan to limit these manic periods. I am sure it will fuck up my head and body in the long run. I will give this some thought in dream land as I am finally starting to feel sleepy. If I can get about five hours of sleep I will be just fine for another twisted day in Japan.

What do all of you suggest? Better yet, have any of you experienced something similar? Feel free to share your own experiences with lack of sleep as well as suggestions.

We All Live in A Gaijin Bubble...And We All Hate Each Other For It!

Howdy Yall! I got your attention with the title of this post; didn't I? So recently, I mentioned the Gaijin Bubble in a post and it got some unexpected reactions. It seems few people like to be referred to as living in a Gaijin bubble in Japan. Apparently, the term 'gaijin bubble' is viewed as a negative term among my fellow gaijin. Yet, the truth of the matter is that almost all of us are living in a gaijin bubble. 

I am damn sure what caused the knee jerk reaction was the simple fact that I did not include myself as living in a gaijin bubble. I can understand that; really I can. Gaijin can have just as much of a tight net community as the Japanese can. If someone implies, 'I am not one of you,' of course a strong reaction might be coming. Well, I can assure you that was not my intention at all. In fact, if it is not clear enough by now, I am a fucking gaijin. I am most likely a classic example of a white bread trailer trash gaijin you will ever come across. Despite my best efforts, I still fail to be accepted as being a part of Japanese society. Yet, I still give it my best shot anyway. And this brings me to why I am writing this post. To my mind, all of us are living in a gaijin bubble due to two very key reasons. First, we are silently excluded from Japanese society. Secondly, due to the silent exclusion, we look to find kinship with other gaijin who are also excluded from Japanese society. And one of the things none of us will ever admit is that, deep down inside, we have a sort of hatred and love for each other. I know what some of you may be thinking, 'What the fuck is this hill billy from the mountains of West Virginia talking about?' Well, please allow me to explain in more detail.

Okay. First we need to get this whole silent exclusion thing explained. I know that a lot of us try damn hard to speak the language, learn the basic mannerisms, grow to love the food and all that jazz. Yet, you and I both know that we will always be viewed as gaijin. This is a cultural fact about Japan. It is something almost everyone knows about but few people will admit. So, maybe I am the first one to say this fact openly. Though, most Japanese don't want to be rude about it so they practice a silent exclusion as to avoid making gaijin feeling more awkward then we already do. In my experience, when you get too close to being a 'insider' as opposed to being an 'outsider,' Japan will back away from you and simply shut you out. This is the truth and most people know it.

Alright, we got the whole silent exclusion out of the way. Now, let's mention the kinship thing a bit.

It is only natural for someone to seek out kinship when they are being marginalized. You want to buddy up with people who are going though the same struggle as you. This is natural and healthy. In fact, it is very important part of living in Japan as a gaijin. You must have at least a few buddies who will not drive you insane. I have my little gang of gaijin buddies I run with and I am sure most of us do as well. I also have a little gang of Japanese buddies I run with, but of course it is not the same(we call ourselves the dirty Adachi gang just for kicks). Rolling with each group is a very different experience. When I am with my gaijin buddies the kinship is so clear that it seems as if we have known each other from birth. Yet, at the same time there is an unspoken level of aggression which could turn ugly at any moment. Some of you may have seen me interacting with one or two of my gaijin buddies and the aggression must be funny and scary at the same time. That is were the hate factor comes into play.

Oh yeah! Gaijin do in fact hate each other to a certain extent. It is very rarely talked about but it is there all the same. There is a feeling among many gaijin, myself included, that we must never take a shot at each other for any given reason. Even when we fuck each other over, it seems that if we air that shit out in the open it is considered the ultimate of sins.  Everyone's ego and pride must be protected like a 16 year old's masturbation habit.  Don't believe me, try it for yourself. Call someone out on their shit and you will witness a fire breathing dragon of hate which will rival the likes of even this guy. So yeah, there is always an unspoken level of hate and aggression just under the surface of most gaijin kinship.All that said, I do have a few buddies who I don't feel any aggression toward. I can only think of one or two.

Alright, now that I have explained what I mean by a 'gaijin bubble' in great detail, I hope you found this post very interesting. I am a very social person so maybe I notice these more than other people. I have been guilty of everything in this post at least once. At the same time, I don't like most of the things I mentioned in this post; this post is simply what I have experienced. I am sure the comments section of this post might get a little hot, but that is alright by me because somethings need to be talked about openly. Let's make the most of this opportunity to discuss a few things we don't normally get the chance to talk about. Maybe you see things a bit differently, so please express yourself. And remember, I love you all very deeply.

The High End of Low In Tokyo

Howdy Yall! To be honest, I have been thinking for a while as to how exactly to write this post. I really do not want to be misunderstood. It is not easy to write about living wages because I am aware that there are many reasons which could be given to refuse to provide a living wage for workers. Yet, I think it is time for me to write about this.
  Ya know, it is no secret that being a foreign English teacher in Japan means dealing with being kicked around and exploited. You really have to develop a certain love for teaching English in order to hang in there. It is very hard to get a job teaching English which provides a living wage. For some reason a lot of companies feel that teachers do not deserve to have a living wage. I do not understand this kind of thinking but it is the sad truth. It seems only logical to me that when workers are given a living wage they should be more motivated to try their best. It also seems natural to me that giving workers a living wage cuts down on problems from within any given company. I assume that such logic would be the natural thinking of most people; but as we all know this is not true. Yet, we must still deal with this situation and attempt to make the best if it.

Working out a deal to get something close to a living wage or at least a situation which is somewhat stable is the key. Of course, most of us care deeply about our jobs. To say that we don't is nothing more than an attempt to kick us around a bit. Yet, it is important to come to an understanding which works for both sides(the teacher and the company). The way to go about this depends on the nature of the company you are working for. If you work for a company which is a bit open then a friendly chat about a few issues should produce some results. Although, if you work for a more closed company with clandestine inner workings, it will take some more hard bargaining to reach some kind of understanding.

Let's assume we are dealing with a more clandestine situation. You should expect that there will be a few reasons for knocking you down or not giving you some of the things you want. Some of those reason will be valid and you will have to explain those things. Yet, most of the reasons will be trumped up charges; which you will also have to explain why those reasons, with respect of course, are not serious reasons to kick you down. The most important thing is to remember that you want to work for said company. What you want is to simply get a decent deal and not be fucked over.

Depending on the kind of personalities you are dealing with, you may have to be a bit stern. You got to be careful about being stern because ego and pride is an easy thing to offend. I know no one wants to feed someone's ego so it is best to simply speak very honest and on a human level. It takes a real fucker to not understand you if you are being honest and very human.

As for me, my goal is always the same. I just want to have something of a living wage in order to provide food on the table for my wife. It would be nice to be able to come to work everyday with the understanding that I am in fact trying hard and can be spared all the useless politics that ruin the teaching experience. I really have fallen in love with teaching English in Japan. My passion for teaching should never have to come into question. I find it sad that politics seems to get in the way of what is important; teach English and make a decent living at the same time.

The high end of low is a hard thing to face when you have such simple goals in mind.

Accepting Japan before Japan Accepts Me

Howdy Yall! Before coming to Japan I really did not know much of anything about this island nation. All I knew was that they make damn good TV's, cars, porn and have a thing for hyper fast pop music. Now that I have been in Japan for several years, I know a whole lot more about this semi-closed society. In fact, I know more than I ever wished to know about Japan. I could write about a lot of different things about Japanese culture. I could spend my time writing about some of the crap I used to write about; temples food and stuff like that. I cannot do that anymore. It is much better for me to be real with all of yall. Being real has made this blog much more interesting and true to my experience in Japan.

With that said, one of the hardest things I have never had to do is accept Japan as it is in it's current form. As anyone who has lived here for a few years can tell you, Japanese don't accept outsiders very easily. Of course, they have gotten much more accepting since the end of WW2 but they still struggle with the realities of a growing multi-ethnic society. To say that a lot of Japanese are filled with Xenophobic fear is an understatement.  Many Japanese go far beyond any Xenophobic or racist tendencies. Sadly, there are many J-folk who will go to great lengths to marginalize you simply because you are not Japanese. So many people have attempted to explain, or make reason, of Japan's unique form of exclusion. My take on it is just as unique as Japan itself.

It seems clear to me that Japanese are trained from a very young age to exclude people from their daily life. They don't just do it to gaijin; they even do it to each other. Yeah, I have met my fair share of outgoing, half crazy, fun loving Japanese. Yet, on the other hand I have met even more Japanese who would prefer to jump in front of a fucking JR train at rush hour then deal with others head on. One of the great failures of Japanese culture is to develop proper social skills to be able to at least handle social situations on their own terms as an individual. Some of them have been able to learn social skills in order to at least handle themselves as an individual. Although, this is not normal and you should not expect it at all. So, the big challenge is how to accept an ethnic group which is unable to even accept themselves. Well, for an outgoing southern guy from American who says crazy shit when he drinks too much accepting Japanese culture has very funny results.

I use humor daily in order to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. I have leaned to laugh at the out of hand things a lot of Japanese do to marginalize damn near everyone around them. Most of the insane things a lot of them do to avoid standing on their own as an individual deserves a poke from me from time to time. I just cannot help myself at times yall. If I don't rattle their cage at the right moment, I will seriously loose my shit. Let me give you a few funny examples of how I have learned to accept Japan.

The salary man who burns a whole though my head on the train.

This guy is epic. He clearly has something to say to me. It might be because he wants to make a new friend or he wants to get some shit started. I don't know why he is staring me down but it is not okay to stare at someone like that without saying something. He must be thinking he can get away with it because he is surrounded by other Japanese. Usually I just let it go because I don't want any trouble on the damn train. Yet, from time to time I decide to play a little game. I call it the 'motherfucker do I look funny to you game.' What I do is start making funny faces at the guy. The same kind of funny faces that little kids make at each other. Throws the guy off his game every time.  The funny part comes when he starts looking around trying to make eye contact with another Japanese so he can get them to look at me. His goal is to get them to look at me so he can create the image that I am a crazy gaijin and he did nothing wrong. I win this game every time because if he does get another Japanese to stare at me I make funny faces at them too.

Howdy! Let's be friends you racist bastard

From time to time I get a wild one of my hands. He has the support of a given group because he has gotten control over the group's thinking. I am just trying to be an open friendly American. He don't like that because he fears losing control over the group; as if I give a fuck about who controls what. So, he starts talking shit about English teachers and how fucked up and useless gaijin are to Japan. I know he is full of fear simply because I am not Japanese and he wants to maintain his ego trip. I say the same thing almost every time, 'You are a fucking racist buddy. I will go back to my native nation and tell everyone what a gang of fucked up backward racist Japanese people are.' That fucks with his head big time. The group usually laughs their ass off at him because the one thing that crushes most Japanese is to be laughed at by the group over something a gaijin said about them. Usually the guy gets a look on his face like he wants to kill me; but of course he doesn't do shit but turn his back on me and pretend I am a ghost(which partly explains the title of this blog).


Let's get to the point already!

Okay. I must admit this one is a bit brutal. I only reserve it as a last resort. One of my Japanese brothers and sisters deems it fit to attack me because they feel it will further their agenda. My non-Japanese status makes me look like an easy target. So, with the support of a group of course, they attempt to lay into me. Sadly, because they are so full of fear they are unable to attack me directly they speak in such a round about way that they are unable to really go after me. So, I simply ask the most direct question I can think of at the moment. Man, it really throws them for a loop. After that they usually back off a bit and start to deal with me on a more human level. I don't like doing that to them but sometimes I simply have to in order to snap them out of their trip.


So yeah, I have learned to use humor to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. One day I am sure Japan will be okay with me and we will not have to have these odd funny run ins with each other. Hell, Japan has already given me permanent residence. It is only a matter of time before Japan learns to love me just the way I am.

Mad Tokyo Cows and the Joys of the Gaijin Bubble

Howdy as always yall! You know, everyone needs a good laugh. It is laughter which has got me though some shitty parts of my life. It is also just good fun all around. Although, as you can guess finding English stand up comedy in Tokyo is not an easy mission. Naturally, most live comedy is done in Japanese. To be honest, I don't really find Japanese comedy all that funny. The natives laugh at J-comedy but I usually find it to be a little silly. With all that said, there is a underground traveling stand up group in the Tokyo area known as Mad Cows of Tokyo.

I have heard about this group for a while but it was not until last week that I finally made it out to one of their little events.  I was encouraged to attend the event by a gal I met in a bar in Shibuya. She was upbeat and full of conversation topics, so when she not only invited me, but sent me several emails reminding of the event, I really had no other choice but to attend. It seemed a big deal for her that I show up and watch her sing a funny song. So, being the Southern gentlemen that I am, I left work in Yokohama and traveled to Daikanyama to see for myself what all the fuss was about.

This gal really made a big deal about my attendance. She gave me a few texts while I was at work and even had me text her when I arrived at Daikanyama so she could meet up with me. Her warmth and care for my safe and speedy arrival was a refreshing  change from the usual attitudes a deal with daily. Anyway, after we met up we went, arm and arm, around the corner to a coffee shop which hide itself in a maze pretending to be a building. Tokyo has a lot of buildings like this due to a limited amount of space and inflated land prices.  It is not all that hard to get lost in a three story building. It took us about 15 minutes to finally find the actual coffee shop.

It was a mellow little coffee shop which sold hard drinks about the sun goes down. Judging from the layout of the joint, I guess that they go after the working class during the day and aim for the tired business folk after sunset. Overall, it was a nice little place except for the overpriced drinks and low lighting. I kind of had to focus to get a feel for the surroundings because my new friend made it a point to introduce me to everyone she knew. Apparently, she is a regular on the underground English comedy ring in Tokyo and knows all the other comedians. I got to meet everyone and I quickly felt that something was out of place. I could not tell what was off with these people at first but something seemed forced and unnatural. An odd kicking distance which was so strong that I was almost taken back by it. Yet, it was hard to focus due to my escort having me jump from one person to the next. It was fun meeting so many people at once all the same.

The event was actually meant to be a little contest of sorts for a bigger planned event. The winner from this event went on to a larger event with some sort of prize involved. I was not exactly clear on the details. It seemed that most people did not really care about the contest and just wanted to get up in front of the small crowd, tell some jokes and just have a few laughs. Most of them were okay and I found most of them to have at least said a few funny things. The comedians were from several different backgrounds, including a few Japanese, so it was fun to hear jokes with a different perspective. Overall, they made me laugh enough for me to say I enjoyed the stand up. Although, it was only after the performance that I got a better sense of why I felt the strange distance.

It was more than just the natural awkwardness of meeting new people. I was a gaijin they did not know and I was also someone who is not out and about all the time. Only one or two people could place me at any other place before. My buddy Paul,who is different from the other gaijin at the event, was there so he knew me. The gal that invited me to the event knew we as well. After about 15 minutes of listening to everyone else talk, it became clear to me that most of the comedians had been living in the gaijin bubble.

For those of yall who don't know what the gaijin bubble is please allow me to explain. A gaijin bubble is when someone avoids regular direct contact with native Japanese people. Instead, go to places in which English is often spoken and most of the things they do involve other foreigners. I will never knock such behavior because Japan is a tough nation to get used to and having people around ya who share a similar background can really make life easier. The thing is, I am really not used to being around these kind of folk.  The social rules are totally different from the kind of foreigners I usually hang out with. You cannot say certain things around these folks and expect to win their favor. For example, you cannot say anything positive about Japanese people or Japanese culture. Due to the bubble they live in, Japanese culture looks like a backwards off putting concept to them. Also, it is not a good idea to speak too much Japanese around them. Speaking Japanese to other native speakers of English is very odd for someone who lives in a gaijin bubble. I can totally understand the kinds of feelings these folks have about Japan. The culture here is hard to adjust to and it is even harder to fit in a homogenous society. A lot of people do come to Japan and quickly realize the uphill battle of being gaijin in Japan. It is real easy to surround yourself with people of a similar background and create a bubble.  Now, I am sure that not everyone performing that night lives in a bubble. I am sure that several of them deal with Japan head on everyday. Although, there were enough people there who do live in a bubble to call it a majority.

Yeah, it can be very hard living in Japan. From time to time, I even put myself into a temporary bubble just to get away from the up tight lifestyle in Japan. So, that is why the Mad Cows of Tokyo are cool. You can hang out with people who have a strong sense of their own culture and have a good laugh as well. In fact, they are having another little mini event at my buddy Paul's bar Vega Wine Bar on Jan. 25th Tokyo time. It was good to see Paul again and I miss going to his bar. So, if you got nothing to do in the 25th then you might just find me at Vega Wine Bar in Ebisu. Click here for the Vega bar website so you can get more details. BTW Monday is Wine Viking night which means for 2,000 yen you can drink all of Paul's fine wine you like for two hours. Also you can click here to check out Mad Cows of Tokyo website to learn a bit more about what they do.  

2011: A year of Self Discovery in a Nation Brought to It's Knees

Howdy Y'all! it has been a while since I have wrote to all of you. I took over a month off from this blog of mine. I decided that before I scribble down anymore digital rambles, I needed to sort out a few things. I wanted a bit of time to reflect and focus on a few other items of interest. To speak the dirty truth, I actually have been writing my hill billy ass off just not here in this blog. I have been writing a few more articles for America20xy.com. You can check out the site by clicking on the link provided. I have also been working on a collection of ten short fiction stories based on the underbelly of social issues in Japan. The stories will fit into the pulp genre of writing. I hope to have them all finished by the end of January; self publish sometime after that. I have also been keeping up with making Youtube vids, but I think I need to rethink the way I am doing those vids. Check out my channel by clicking here.

Although, this blog post is much more than me simply giving an update on my writing. As y'all know 2011 has been one hell of a year for me. For starters, this blog took a much more raw edge compared to years past. I have held very little back this year and choose instead to present a more real and raw experience of my life in Tokyo. What I did not realize when I started to write more raw was that 2011 would be a major year of self discovery for me. After years pushing certain mental weaknesses into the deep dark spaces of my mind, everything found a way to come to the surface in bombastic fashion. I have spend the majority of this year working out a lot of things about myself. Y'all have been witness to some of my struggle by reading this blog. Yet, it is time for me to reflect a bit.

I am damn sure that my mental health came into question after the massive earthquake hit Japan earlier this year. I, along with most humans living on this island, have never experienced something on the same magnitude as what has happened in Japan this year. After a massive earthquake, deadly tsunami and multi nuclear power core meltdowns a lot of gaijin bailed on Japan. I can really understand why so many people left; but I stayed because my life is in Japan. Also, when you think about it the Japanese don't have the option to leave Japan. So, it has been interesting to stay in Japan with people who have no option but to stay. Although, staying here, and dealing with the stress of the situation, caused something to snap some place deep in my mind. I think it took about two months after the quake for me to start having cracks in the armor. It started with anger. I found myself really fucking pissed off almost everyday. It got to the point in which I could not go one day without getting angry as a bull.

I guess it came from the cold blooded nature of a lot of people I interacted with after the quake. People I had known for years for saying some of the most asshole cold blooded shit I had ever heard. I remember one thing which was really over the top. I asked a co-worker of mine at the time if he thought it was wrong that our company was firing and/or threatening to fire people for leaving Japan for a week or two after the quake. His answer was the most heartless thing I had never heard. He said, 'They signed a deal to work. They are not following policy by suddenly taking time off work so they deserve to be fired. Fuck them!' It took everything inside of me not to slap the taste out of his mouth. I dealt with a lot of assholes during the first few weeks after the quake. People were being so fucked up, more than usual in Tokyo, that it was maddening to say the least. The news reports I was writing at the time also brought me a fair share of shit from people I never expected. I had one 'trusted friend' who attacked me for reporting the the nuclear cores at Fukushima has melted down. He pretty much told me that I was a liar and stupid for reporting such a thing. Oh yeah, that was a wonderful thing to hear from a friend. It seemed that every heartless asshole in Tokyo was floating though my life at that time. It was as if I had became a magnet for fucked up folks. People were operating way over their stress level and viewed me as a rock solid hill billy you could handle anything thrown at him. Well, the truth is that I also have a limit for how much stress and bullshit I can handle before I break.

The anger wore off after a lot of insane attempts to purge it from myself. I was left with P.T.S. and a slew of other things which had boiled to the surface.  In order to deal with the massive conflict my mind split a bit. Let me tell y'all that I was told by a doctor years ago that was bi-polar. I was even on meds for it when I was younger. Although, I was under the impression that had it under control. This summer I was proven wrong because my Bi-polar reared it's ugly head at exactly the wrong time in my life. Suffering from Bi-polar can really fucking suck at times. For the entire summer of 2011 I was caught in what is known as cycling. People who are bi-polar, simply put, have two extreme sides to their personality. It is the same person but with two very distinct emotional view points. Bi-ploar is very different from split personality. People who suffer from split personality have to very distinct personalities which they cannot control on their own. With that said, cycling is a state in which a bi-polar person switches from one polar extreme to the other at random. It is really painful mentally. When I am cycling, sleep is very hard to come by and I have trouble understanding other folks perspectives. The only positive to it is that I become highly creative and my mind operates really fast. So, you can image what four months of cycling must be like.

I did a lot of crazy shit during the summer of 2011 in Tokyo, Japan. A lot of it I did not mention on this blog because I did not really understand why I was doing those things. I mean damn, I got into bar fights, heated arguments, drank like a fish, slept on the streets several times and spent a lot of my time diving head first into the dark parts of Tokyo. I was totally out of control. Yet, the entire time I was trying to control it all. I had so many conversations with myself in which I would talk things out. It scared me a bit because I was having full conversations with myself on a regular basis. A lot of twisted sick ideas went though my head so I had to talk myself out of a lot of insane shit. It was not until Aug. that I finally sought out professional help. It has really help going to these sessions. I talk with a professional therapist, who speaks English, about once every two weeks. This person knows a lot about the human mind that I don't so I have been able to work out a lot of things.

The thing that I have learned that has really helped is that I must accept both sides of my bi-polar personality. A bi-polar personality will compete with itself. The mind will try to find a constant which causes conflict with a bi-polar personality. So, when I start cycling the best thing to do is to accept both emotional reactions and let my own logic sort out which response is natural and which one is a result of bi-polar. I know that sounds a bit nuts but it actually works for me. I can be a heavenly angel or a hard ass demon at a moments notice so I must give my mind time to sort out which emotion I am naturally feeling. It sounds really complex and requires a lot of concentration, but I have gotten it down to the point in which is only takes a few minutes to sort out. When people see me a bit quit or appearing to be a little uncomfortable is it because I am cycling and need a few minutes to sort it out. I think there are a lot of people around me these days who understand that and tend to let me be. It is a nice change of pace these days. When I am in a social setting with people who have known me for a while, they usually let me choose how pro active I wish to be. If I just wanna hang out and not say much, more people are willing to let me do so.

With all of that, I also realized that I needed to get the fuck away from Japan for a bit. Truth be told, as much I have come to love this island nation, there is a unforgiving attitude taken towards mental health in Japan. I was lucky to find a shrink who would see me; and speak fluent English. So, I did get the fuck out of Japan for a bit. I hauled my ass to Vietnam for a little while. I am aware of the clear irony of an American libertarian living in Tokyo going to Vietnam for a little holiday. I laughed about it myself over several bottles of wine in Ho Chi Mein with my travel partner. Yet, spending some time in Ho Chi Mein was damn good for me. Shockingly enough, Ho Chi Mein is a rather liberal city for a communist nation. In Tokyo, I have to really search sometimes to find a true open liberal(in the libertarian sense of the term) environment. In Ho Chi Mein I was able to walk down the street without people staring at me. Some people would even strike up a conversation with me and be generally friendly. I spent a lot of time getting myself back on track. Y'all can see the picture I included in this post; right? Well, that is me well balanced and thinking clearly. There was no nutty shit inside of my head. I was relaxed and in control.

The experienced allowed me to come to a new way of thinking. Chris from Confessions of a bad boy in Japan first brought this to my attention and I feel it makes perfect sense; 'I am not living in their world; they are living in mine.' Such a mind set finally hit me one night in Ho Chi Mein. I was in a five star hotel drinking a fine bottle of wine. I went out on to the balcony to enjoy the wonderfully warm night air. I saw all the chaos on the street. The road was a mess of chaotic coming and going of cars, trucks and motorbikes. I thought to myself; 'Look at all of those damn people. They are fucking off the traffic rules and driving the way which best matches the situation. They are pretty much interacting with other drivers on their own terms. For them, everyone is living in their world.' So, why not deal with everyone on my own terms? Japan is a nation which can break even the strongest person. The pressure to be a bottom feeding zombie is so great here that demanding others deal with you on your terms can be a very painful experience. Although, I don't have to play ball with any sorry ass social game. I love Japan, but I often find myself judging the social structure as really fucking childish. The whole idea that no one is allowed to stand out or be unique leads to a lot of childish behavior and jealously. I have seen a lot of Japanese freak the fuck out because someone had success doing something a little different. A lot of foreigners do the same shit. I don't have to play that shit with anyone. In fact, I have learned to laugh my ass off at such people. Yeah, it makes some people really angry when I laugh in their face but they had it coming.

Anyway, 2011 has been one hell of a year. I have been though a bit of hell and I am stronger for it. I am not out of the wood work just yet but I am doing a whole lot better. 2012 looks bright.