I`m on the Patch

So, I have been trying to quit smoking for about two months now. It has been real hard but I am getting real close to kicking the habit. Well, recently I broke down and started using the tobacco patch. Everyday I wear this little light down patch on either my left or right arm.

The first day it hurt my arm a little bit. It was as if I was getting an injection in my arm all day. At the end of the day my arm felt real sore. Although, I had very little desire to smoke. I did, however, feel real tired. All I wanted to do was go to sleep when I got home. The next morning I was in a real bad mood until I wore a new patch. I have finally learned that nicotine is a very powerful drug. I am convinced that it is more powerful than heroin. The patch gives me much more nicotine than I usually got from smoking. I can feel a strange high from wearing the patch all day. At least I am relaxed and don`t have any desire to rip someone`s head off.

I think the patch is going to work. All I have to do is break my habit of wanting to have a smoke. By not having a cig in my mouth, I think over time I will forget about wanting to smoke. My fear is that I will not be able to stop using the patch. So, I am switching the manner in which I get nicotine.

Anyway, my quest to stop smoking is not over yet. I am doing my best but it has not been easy. I am not ready to give up just yet. I am just too stubborn to give up this idea that I can quit smoking.

Stupid, God Damn, Quit Smoking, Bull Shit!

As you can tell from the title of this post I am experiencing withdraw. In fact the withdraw is much stronger than I expected. I knew that kicking the habit would involve a little pain and restlessness. I did not expect some of the finer details of the withdraw pain. It can get pretty bad at some moments. I feel like I am going to fucking pop! I am starting to act like a heroin addict stuck in prison with no heroin! Dammit I really need a smoke!

Wait...wait...a little longer...ok I am fine now.


SO, at this point almost all of the tobacco is out of my body. I am in full withdraw mode now. All I can think about sometimes is the desire to smoke. Actually, right now is not the best time for me to stop smoking. There are a lot of things going on with me at the moment. Yet, quitting smoking is a must for my life right now. You see, if I can actually quit smoking it will delight the gal in my life as well as show others that any goal can be achieved. From a leadership stand point, it can only earn me some major respect point from those under me.

Anyway, let me share with all of you what I am experiencing.

---lose of feeling or ability to taste much of anything with my tongue

--totally lose of what little ability a had to sleep in the past(I suffer from insomnia;not related to stopping smoking)

--I twitch

--a sway back and forth when sitting in a chair.

my skin feels like it is going to jump off my body

--I cannot listen to the sound of any women`s voice for more than a few minutes(unless I am being paid to listen to them of course).

--uncontrolled desire for beer

--my stomach hurts

--I want to fight someone; anyone really; in fact the next motherfucker...wait...wait...a little longer...okay I am fine now.


I think you get the point. I really feel like shit. I am trying to be strong but it is hard. The gal was nice enough to pick me up some stop-smoking pipes to help me long. It is actually an interesting little invention. The photo at the top of this page is the box for these little things. I don`t know if they actually have nicotine in them or not. They do help out a little. I hope that I can get over the withdraw soon or else I might do something really stupid. You know, like keep a whole carton of smokes at work just to be able to sneak and have one or two without the gal knowing anything. I do not want to reduce myself to such behavior. I really do want to quit smoking! I must stay hard as stone to do this.

In this day and age people are real assholes towards people trying to kick the habit. They fuck with you can say that you will never do it. They also show you very little mercy. In fact, people tend to put more stress on you if they know you are trying to stop. I do not get this kind of crap at all. Show a little support you fucks! Okay!

Now, I am drinking some beer trying to pass out. It is the only thing I know to do in order to get some sleep. Just drink myself stupid. It is kind of working actually. I feel a little sleepy. Maybe I can get some damn sleep tonight at least.

No More Smoking Mr. Smith

Damn! I just agreed to quit smoking. I have been smoking from the time I was 16. Yeah, I was one of those kids who started smoking because it was an easy way to socialize and make friends. You know, if you smoke you can hang out in the boys bathroom and make friends. It was an easy way to get acceptance from my peers. It was the common opinion, among the boys, that tough guys smoke. Everyone wanted to be a tough guy. I can still remember how I got my first pack of smokes. There was this senior boy who lived on my street. He knew just about everything concerning cars. So of course I wanted to hang out with him. He usually did not give to shits about me. In fact, our first meeting ended up in me getting the crap kicked out of me. He beat me up pretty good. Now that I am an adult, looking back on the situation, I should have avoid the guy. I was a teenager desperate for acceptance. So, I kept hanging around him. As a way to gain his friendship I talked him into buying me a pack me smokes. I have been hooked ever since my first pack of Lucky Strikes.

Now I am 29 and it is time to kick the habit. There are many reasons why I am quitting. The main reason is the gal has developed an extreme sensitivity to cig smoke. She used to smoke but she quit about a year ago. I was really surprised by how easy she quit smoking. She was smoking about a pack a day. Suddenly, about a week, she was not smoking at all. Over time she has started to complain about my smoking habit. She starts to sneeze and complains of headaches due to the smoke. The situation has gotten to the point of becoming a real problem. I like her a lot so now I am quitting the habit once and for all.

So, I sit here looking at a pack of peace cigs. Although not my preferred brand, they are pretty good. I got eleven cigs left. After those are gone I will never smoke again. In fact, I am gonna have one now. Damn! It feels so good. I must admit that I will miss smoking. You know, once an addict always an addict. I think there should be support groups for people who have quit. In the states I am sure that such groups exist. In Japan, smoking is fully accepted. We all know the reason why smoking is so popular in Japan. The damn government owns the fucking tobacco company!

Anyway, in the back of my mind the tobacco demon is telling that I will lose some cool points. I know this is simply brainwashing from years of propaganda being feed to me by the tobacco companies and pop culture. I can hear the demon screaming at me even now. I will quit smoking god dammit! It is making my life shorter and having a big effect on my health. Yet, I will never give anyone shit for smoking. I will never agree with anti-smoking laws. I will always feel that people should have the right to smoke any place they choose. Who am I am judge? I have been a smoker for many years. It would be hypocritical of me to turn around and give others crap for smoking.

So, wish me luck in my quest to quit smoking. It will not be easy but I know I can do it. Hell, I am a greaser. I can do anything I want!