Stir Crazy?

Am I becoming a little stir crazy? This thought rolled around in my head at work Tuesday. I have been in Japan for a year now. I have not had a good dose of American culture in a long time. I have already dealt with the feelings of detachment, but now I am starting to feel like a rat trapped in a cage.

I mean, there are days when I feel like life has been sucked out of me. I get these little tight headaches which dive me crazy to no end. I find myself with a strong taste for beer the closer it gets to the end of my work for the day. I am not eating as much recently. In fact over the past year I have lost 10.o kg. My weight lose will start to really trouble me if I lose too much. In the mornings I am a smoking and coffee drinking manic. Hell, by the time I get to work I have had at least four cups or cans of coffee. Dammit, I have even got up to smoking a whole pack of cigs a day!

Maybe I have just been pushing myself too hard over the past several months. Although, I might be having a delayed reaction to living in a different culture. I have been going hardcore, without looking back, from the moment I set foot in Japan a year ago. I have only spent a little amount of time to stop and check myself. It is as if I left America hell bent on diving into a journey on the other side of the earth. My life went into overdrive the moment I started living in Tokyo. Everything shifted to a higher gear very suddenly. I guess I just started to react without taking much time to stop and smell the roses.

So, am I going a little stir crazy? Well, it is not as if Japan has gotten the best of me. I actually enjoy living in Japan. It is not so much the people because, after all, we are all just humans. The daily grind is tough but I make it though each day without too much of a problem. I think it is a combination of things which are making me feel a little stir crazy. I know I will be fine after a while. I just got to keep pushing forward with my head held high. One thing I really need to do though is remember not to let little thing get to me so much. All I really end up doing is putting useless stress on myself. It will be a big help to not care so much about everything. I will not go completely nuts in the land of the raising sun.

I Saw Something On The Train That Got Me Thinking

So, I was coming home on the Joban Line a few days ago, when I saw something a little unexpected. The train was packed, which was not unexpected, and I ended up smashed against the door. There was an old man pushed up against me so close that I could smell his old man stink.The heavy beer odor coming from the old man`s mouth made his natural stink all the more powerful. I do not know if he was aware of his own stink or not. He seemed to be either unaware of just did not give a flying fuck. I thought that he would at least have the decency to try and lay off the back of my neck. Sadly, I underestimated the old bastard, as the train went around a tight corner he leaned into me causing this dirty old lips to make direct contact with my neck. His lips were crusty along the edges, while being wet in the middle. The old bastard did not even attempt to show any shame. He just rode the neck kiss out until the train made it around the corner.

After an unpleasant, and unwanted, homoerotic moment I really wanted to get the hell off the train. It is a very strange feeling to have some old fuck press his lips against the back of my neck. I gave him a real dirty look but he seemed not to be phased by me in the least. He appeared to be playing it off like nothing happened. He got off at the next station to my relief.

Wanting to put the odd experience behind me, I stared at the floor of the train trying to get lost in my own thoughts. Usually I am able to drift off pretty easily, but I caught something from the corner of my eye which kept my mind in the moment. Besides me were two high school boys. It was around 9:00 pm at this point so I found it a little strange to see them on the train. They were standing next to each other very close; even by packed train standards. After a second look, I noticed they were holding hands. Not only were they holding hands but one was whispering sweet nothings into the ear of the second. I was not convinced they were gay until they gently stroked each others neck. This was the first time I had seen a public display of gayness on the train. I mean, I expect to see it in a place like Shinjuku but not on a train full of salary men. See these two young lovers on the train got me thinking about what is must be like to be gay in Japan.

It is no secret that Japanese society puts an overwhelming amount of pressure on people to conform. While there are a lot of unique individuals in Tokyo, an army of suits and ties storm on the city daily. Early in the morning it looks like a strange scene out of 1984 as a mass of working men and women march off to slave away at an office. Also, modern Japan has a strong, and at times very strange, conservative vain which underlines society. To be different, i.e. gay, I imagine must put a large amount of stress in a persons life. In a society which expects people to sit down, shut-up, and do as they are hold it must be hard hiding a gay lifestyle. In the states the culture is slowly becoming more acceptable of gays. Hell, in California gay people can get a legal marriage. I have not been to all parts of Japan, but in Tokyo is seems that gay bars are confined to certain areas of the city; referring to the infamous golden gia. Also, some to think of it, I have never ran across an openly gay person at work. Although, I think that one of them is very much gay or at least Bi, even if she will not admit it. Japanese can be real keen at noticing if there is something different about a person, so being a closet gay at work must take an Oscar winning performance daily.

While Japanese may, in many respects, not allow much room for the gay lifestyle, I do see a tide of change. There are several TV stars in Japan who are trans-gender and gay. I was a little shocked to see just how popular and famous these people are in japan at first. These days I have gotten used to, and even enjoyed, being entertained by trans-gender and gay people on TV. Some of them are actually pretty good looking(did I just say that?). The person I enjoy seeing the most is Ai Haruna. When I first saw her/him I really thought the person was a women. Strangely enough, a good looking women! When someone told that she did not start life as a women I was honestly surprised. She is very funny and entertaining all the same.

In Japan, trans-gender folks are called New Half. They are very popular on TV and seem to be integrating into society well for the most part. Does this mean that Japanese society is becoming more open to gays and trans-gender people? Well, as modern Japan seems to accept many things off the beaten path, open displays of same-sex affection may become common place in the years ahead. I still wonder how things will play out in a working environment. Will Japanese people be OK to work along side a very open gay or trans-gender person? The work environment in most Japanese office is about as bland and conservative as a GOP poker night. The Japanese usually never to anything out of line at work. Hell, it is rare for them to even crack a joke. It would be interesting to be a fly on the wall when a person like Ai rolls into the office for her first day of work.

Jason at Jason`s Random Thoughts wrote a good article looking at the raise in popularity of New Half in Japanese pop culture. You can read it here.

Is Japan becoming accepting of gays and trans-gender folks? I would like to hear your thoughts.

J-blog of the Week Ed#3 Tokyo Damage Report

I have tried to explain and share the weirdness of Tokyo`s subcultures to others. In most cases I am either not believed or considered a real shit head for having an interest in such things. Well, as I have discovered, there are many things in Tokyo which fall way off the radar of anything mainstream. I often say that a person can find just about any kind of pleasure in Tokyo if they only turn over enough rocks. This week`s J-blog of the week is evidence that I might just be right.

Tokyo Damage Report is kind of like a personal tour/zine of all things vice and underground in Tokyo. I came across this site several months ago, while looking for something different to read. At first, I was a little taken back by the site`s content. The guy who does all the posts is real keen in this descriptions of the various topics. For a while, I was put off by the site, but over time I now understand the point of view he is coming from. You will not get a pretty glossy image of Tokyo with Tokyo Damage Report. Instead, you will get smacked in the head with all the off-beat and down right kinky side of Tokyo.

There are many very good posts on Tokyo Damage report. It is hard to pick a starting point to start exploring damage report. I guess one place to start off would be the TDR kanji lessons. Now as you might have guessed, these are not your regular kind of kanji lessons. TDR kanji lessons are for those who do not have time to learn the ends and outs of learning kanji. If you are working your ass off or attending college, these lessons are for you.

A big help for those you looking to drive into the Tokyo underground head first, the TDR tour guide is for you. This guide features all the dirty little places in Tokyo. You know, the kind of places that your mother would frown on. I really suggest checking out the Kabukicho section of the travel guide for a devilish good time.

Some of the choice posts include Akihabara-culture techno rave party, Cherry Blossoms at the Graveyard, Uyoku raising hell with the police, A La Mode Night, as well as, Gothic Bar Heaven. These are just a sample of the crazy and off beat stuff found at Tokyo Damage Report.

Be sure to also check out Hello Damage which is an earlier version of TDR. It features a lot of other sites worth checking out for sure.

So, if you want to go total Gonzo in Tokyo then TDR is a site you must study up on. It may not be for everyone but it is noteworthy and reports on a part of Tokyo that is over looked way too often.

In one of those moods recently...

Do you ever feel the need to do something totally against your nature? You know, take a trip outside of your `normal` self just to see what would happen. Everyday I am the same rotten bastard, trying to beat out all the other rotten bastards, for a pocket full of money and some cheap thrills. After running the rat race for a while, it is hard to tell the difference between good and evil. At times, it seems as if most people remain in the gray area between light and dark.

As most people go though their life blind to anything past the tip of their noise, I cannot get rid of this itch in the back of my head. I find myself pondering the same question day in and day out; `What the hell is wrong with everyone?` As I go to work everyday, I fall into the same endless sea of working stiffs that blankets the city in conformity. Business suits and grim expressions line the streets, trains, and just about every other spot fit for humans. People on the streets rarely look at each other, when they do it is usually only to say `excuse me` or to make some unsavory offer. The trains can be even worse at times. It seems as if almost everyone is out for themselves. While, I am not saying that looking out for number one is bad, I see all too often people take the `me against the world attitude` a bit too far in Tokyo.

There are times when I just want to shake some life into people. I want to force feed them a good dose of what is happening around them. How does a person go though life totally self absorbed and blind to all the joys human society has to offer? I have a hard time understanding the thinking of a lot of people living in Tokyo. I have met so many people who could not see past the tip of their noise. In their mind, they are always right and everyone else is wrong. Drinking with these types is an exercise in tolerance at the least.

Anyway, the feeling to journey outside of my normal way of doing things has been nagging at me as of late. I think I just need to break out of the rat race for a little bit. I am going at full steam right now. I guess I am feeling a little overworked and stressed out. I can keep this pace for a while longer, but I am going to have to plan some down time in the near future. I am starting to feel as of I am living too far in the gray area of life. I am not comfortable being apart of the masses of white collar workers slaving away day after day. I see the dangers of working all the time. I fear that I might lose myself in my work. So, I have decided to plan a light schedule in the next few weeks. It looks to be around the middle of February. I know that I will go a little crazy during the extra free time I have planned for myself. Yet, I need to go crazy sometimes.

As this blog post, with very little direction or purpose, comes to a close I will keep my head up high as the rat race beats down on me. I got something to look forward to so that will motivate me to keep trucking. I still love Tokyo and look forward to waking up everyday in the greatest city in the world.

I am a Joke

Ha Ha! I am a joke. Yes, it is true I am a big joke. There is nothing so good about me. There is very little reason to even care about me. It is a big waste of time to even speak my name. My blog is one of the worst on the internet. I cannot spell worth shit. Even worst is that I live a very bad life which would sicken most other humans. Yes, I am a joke.

I am not afraid for others to know what a big joke I am. What do I have to lose? I have not done so many great things in life. For the majority of my life I have been nothing more than a slight pest to society. Nobody really wanted me around in the first place. Yet, because I have nothing better to do, I have hung around and managed to somehow survive. I really should be dead or in prison by now. By some strange twist of luck I have not gotten myself killed or thrown in prison.

Enough decent people somehow floated into my life and dragged me to the point I am now. It seems I have been the asshole that everyone loves. I have pissed off every person who has cared about so much that they are beyond forgiving me. Instead, they have chosen to accept me as the dirty rat who won`t go away. They love me because they have no other choice other than to kill me.

So now there is nothing left to laugh or mock. The secret is out about me. Off color remarks or inside jokes are no longer needed when referring to me. I have called myself a joke in front of the entire world. This is most likely the funniest thing I have ever done in my life. Unlike in the past, this time the joke really is on me. I am the butt of my own twisted humor. At least others will join and laugh as hard as I am. I am a joke. Please, go ahead and laugh.

All Work and No Play...

Day in and day out I work. Sometimes it feels as if I am always working. I have worked for the past nine straight days. Sadly, I had not really noticed that I had been working so much until this morning. As I was putting my tie on, I happened to glance over at my leather jacket hanging from the wall and could not remember the last time I wore it. It was at that moment I realized I had been working my ass off non-stop. For a second, I thought about tossing my tie in the trash, skipping work, and getting drunk all day. Of course, I did not skip work. I finished getting ready and walked out of my apartment with my head held high.

I tend to fall into the ` work like a dog` habit far too easy. In the past, I have worked a whole month without a day off. I just kind of get into a groove. There are times when I cannot fell when I am tried. Usually, I just kind of pass out in the most comfortable spot available; giving short notice to those around me. I can make myself go beyond normal limits, when I focus on something. Most people would worry about experiencing burn-out from working too much. Staying in good health would also be a natural concern for the average person. Well, such worries were never instilled in me.

I grew up with little options than to work and hustle for every penny. I guess living in such a rough place taught me the value of hard work. This back breaking work ethic has proven to be an advantage for me in Japan. In the Japanese culture hard work is expected and treated as normal. It is very rare for me to hear Japanese people complain about working too much. They seem to actually enjoy working their ass off at times. I guess I now find myself effected by Japanese culture. In the past I worked hard simply because I had to in order to survive, where as now, I work hard because I actually enjoy working so much. As of now, I have a steady job I go to five days a week. In the evenings, when I do not get off work late, I usually try to teach at least one independent student; in the mornings sometimes as well when time permits. On my days off I travel around Tokyo either teaching independent students or doing trail lessons. Apart from all of these things, I am always studying on how to be a better teacher when I have the time. I have found that the train is a perfect place to get in some studying time.

So yeah, I am keeping myself busy. I like the Tokyo work ethic. If I wanted to I could everyday with no end, but that would be real stupid. I know that I cannot keep this up forever, so I have planned some down time in a few weeks. In the mean while, I have started to pace out my schedule so I will not be going full steam all the time. I have to have some time to relax during the day or else I will start falling asleep during lessons. Overall, I am having a good time as of late. All this hard work is going to pay off down the road. I just have to be careful about how much I drink!

J-blog of the Week Ed. #2 Gaijin Tonic

OK. So, this week I am a little late getting the J-blog of the week posted-up. Well, I have to admit that I have been busy this week. Working life in Tokyo can be a real bitch sometimes. Yet, the internet waits for no one, so here we go with this week`s j-blog of the week.

With all the hard work I have been putting in as of late, I thought that a website about drinking would be fitting. Japan is known for its love of drinking; as least anyone living in Japan knows this. There are endless amounts of bars and such to get you good and plastered. Well, one English speaking J-blog has taken up the task of exploring the joys of drinking in Japan. Gaijin Tonic is your one stop site for all thing drinking in the land of the raising sun.


This site has been up for several years. It would way too difficult to try and break down all the different sections but there are some post which do showcase Gaijin Tonic nicely.

Japanese drinking games is an on going series on Gaijin Tonic. Every nation has drinking games. Hell, back in the states `Beer Pong` was always a favorite. In Japan they tend to get a little more creative. The Battle Royal Drinking game is a must for those who like to mix ultra violence with getting smashed. Battle Royal is a movie about Jr. High school kids killing each other for sport, while being sponored by the government, to see who is the best. Add a few friends and a crap load of drinks, now you have the battle royal drinking game.

Drinking games is not all that Gaijin Tonic has to offer. If is about drinking and Japan there is a good chance you will find it at Gaijin Tonic. Check out the post on such topics as bizarre bar names, Japanese beer ad girls, Fish Beer, Beer and Bikinis, learn of the joys of bonenkai, Halloween in Japan, as well as planty of other things to delight the drunk inside of you.

What I really like most about this site is the honest look at living daily life in Japan. A lot of people like to hold on to the romantic image of Japan portrayed in the movies. When you actually start to live and work in the land of the raising sun the realty of an overworked and high stress society becomes clear as day. I may not know about the lifestyle of people from all across Japan, but in Tokyo as least, after a hard days work most people just want to get trashed and have some fun. Gaijin Tonic makes the best of the situation by offering up plenty of good stories about getting drunk in Japan as well as a lot of other drinking madness.

So, before having the next drink with a co-worker, friend, or `special` lady/guy check out Gaijin Tonic for lots of ideas for making the night even more fun than usual.