An Asshole Ghost in Tokyo

 It was bound to happen sooner or later. Hell, how long can an American live so detached and removed from all the Monday Night Football, Hot Dogs, guns, apple pie, rebellion, lame beer, arrogance, nationalist pride and raw aggression before something starts to change. Yeah, I have been to some pretty twisted places in my mind during my life in Tokyo so far. I started out as a hillbilly who was just happy to not be in the United States to something all together different. My path though Tokyo has led to places in my mind I thought did not exist. I have been damn near all the way to the bottom of hell in ones own mind during my time in this city. I have pretty much seen the beauty and the darkness of Tokyo and it has taken my mind right along for the ride. Yet, I have been able to notice something about me which I did not notice before. I am a bit less American than I once was.

Don't misunderstand me dammit! I am not turning Japanese or any lame crap like that at all. It is more of a change of perspective. If you dig deep enough in this blog of mine, you will find all the little pieces of this journey in all it's silliness, madness and illogical glory. It has took a lot for me to reach the point I am at now. There are post buried deep in this blog in which I go on and on about temples, food and little places I liked. You will also find angry rants on things which drove me mad. There are also a few post in which I express my loneliness while being stuck at a internet cafe for a night(I went though a period of sleeping in internet cafes just to escape from everything). There are drunken rants along with drunken tales. I even got a post or two about having a damn mental break down. I tried to stop smoking a few times, which ended in failure and promises to myself to stop drinking heavily.  I have wrote about teaching English and some of my theories about it. All of those things have led up to the point I am at now.

Not Anti-American; Not Non-American; Not Un-American but....less American.

Asia has changed me. I have learned that the soft American lifestyle, which many Americans still enjoy despite all the unemployment and desperation they are facing, is something truly odd in the world at large. The idea that someone can be without a job for years on end and still have enough to eat and a decent chance at not ending up homeless is very strange concept indeed. It is only in America that someone can be morbidly obese yet still demand and expect it to be, not only acceptable, but discrimination if someone calls them out on it. To call someone a fat ass in America is damn near a sin from what I have learned. In fact, to expect someone to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and at least try in life is also becoming a sin. Now, I understand all about class struggle and how this effects a person's upward mobility. I am not talking about class struggle here. I am talking about the unique American ability to simply declare, "I don't care about anything but my own feelings toward anything. I like living in a bubble because the government, and society, must take care of me no matter what I do." This whole idea of "failure does not matter" and "everyone must accept me no matter what I do to myself" can only be found in such a nation as America. I used to think the exact same way because after all...I am a child of America.

Yet, these days I am less of an American than I used to be.

It is no secret that I grew up pretty damn rough. I know hunger and I know what it is like to fight to survive. But, even in my worst days in America, my life was far easier than the working poor in China or Vietnam or for that matter Japan. When you are poor in most parts of the world, you are really fucking poor. You really don't have shit! At least in America, I did have some food to eat. Bless the goodness of Regan cheese and Regan powdered milk. At least I had people around me who could provide me with some happiness. My parents were damn poor but there were others around who had enough money to give a little taste of what other kids had. I stole things just to take care of myself, but to some poor kid in China, my idea of stealing would make him laugh. Hell, you never see the kids that hang out in Yokohama? They are some rough bastards to say the least. I have seen those little fuckers fight over damn near nothing. Those same kids usually live in an apartment the size of a McDonald's deep freeze; and most likely just as cold in the winter. For fuck's sake, a guy in Vietnam came up to me with no arms asking me if I wanted to buy a book about the Vietnam war! After seeing and experiencing things like that, I have become less American.

Yes! It has become harder for me to accept people who are big as a Hummer screaming about how everyone should cut them a break. I have lost some of my ability to understand someone who leaves a comfortable life, with a decent place to live and a decently stable job yell about "my rights! my rights! Everyone is a fucking racist!" When I hear someone complain about how much society sucks and they hate it all, but do damn little other than bitch and point the finger without working towards making the situation better, are sad in my mind. Those who do little to add or enhance society demanding to be handed to keys to the kingdom all the damn time! What the fuck is wrong with you people? Really!? You want everything society has to offer without getting involved in society. You want to just walk into a perfect situation without having to earn your metal. That type of attitude and behavior has made me less American.

Yet, with all that said, I was not feeling this way them I first came to Japan. Yes, I bitched a lot and failed to understand some of the things which were going on around me.  Yet, the longer I lived in Japan, and traveled around the world a bit more, I started to see that the American way of life truly breeds weakness and arrogance. I feel that at this point the weakness of arrogance has all but been beat out of me. Yes, I am still human and have my moments when I cry, doubt myself and feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Yet, now I have developed a distaste for those who have it all and still complain that they are not shitting pure gold.

Less American? Yes! Un-American? No!

Okay Gaijin. We Need to Talk About the Nuclear Issue and Your Need for Acceptence in Japanese Society.

Okay fellow gaijin....we need to talk. No! I mean really talk. In my last post, I shared a little bit of my take and experience of 'micro-aggression' or racism in Japan. Such social issues are very important and need to be talked about. Racism is ugly no matter what form it takes. Yet, it seems to me that a lot of gaijin are either blind, scared, brainwashed or simply don't give a fuck about the single most important issue facing Japan today. Did you know that nuclear power, and energy policy, is damn near tearing Japan apart? There is a massive battle going on over this issue and it seems very clear to me that most gaijin are choosing to put their head in the sand about this. Y'all are refusing to talk about it, notice it or even admit that it is actually happening. Many of you say you want to be apart of Japanese society and treated as an equal. You say you are being kept on the outer rim of Japanese society. I understand that...really I do. Yet, are you trying to be apart of Japanese society? We talk a lot about "accept me! accept me!" What are you doing to be accepted?

Right now, the people of Japan are fighting for, not only the future of Japan, but the future of the world. What are you doing to help the people in their fight? Are you blogging about what is really going on? Are you making videos covering this massive fight against nuclear power? Have you been to a anti-nuclear protest? Are you standing up for the same people who you demand accept you?

Call me a crazy hillbilly all you want, but I have been doing all of the above things I ask if you have done. I want to be apart of Japanese society as well and I actively involve myself in the society. Yet, what I see a lot of gaijin doing is demanding that Japanese accept them, bitch about other gaijin, refuse to get involved in Japanese society and still behave as if they deserve to be treated as an equal. You will be treated as an equal when you show you deserve it. You have to get involved in what is really doing on. The Japanese people need you now more than ever. Can't all of you see that? What the fuck is wrong with my fellow gaijin? Who is really selling who out? Who is really the racist?

Of course, there will always be a part of Japanese society which hates us. It does not matter what we say to those people; they will find an excuse to hate us. Yes! We should point out and expose such people. Yet, there is something much bigger going on in Japan than your fucking bitching and complaining about how "the Japanese treat me like shit because I am a gaijin." There is a time and place for that. Yeah, I have already shared with all of you my take on experiencing racism in Japan. Now, if you want to be a part of Japanese society, you are going to have to stand by the people and fight with them. The nuclear issue in Japan is not just a Japanese problem, but a human problem which effect us all.

You want to be a part of Japanese society, then fucking act like it and fight for these people who need your love and support now more than ever!

Link to my Youtube channel
 https://www.youtube.com/user/freedomwv

Link to The Ghost Letters Report Facebook page
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Microaggression In Japan: Jealous and Spiteful Japanese Reactionaries

It is only a problem when we do it; right?

Howdy Y'all! It happened again it seems. Life, and other things, pulled me away from this blog. Yet, everyone's favorite gaijin hillbilly is back again. I have more things I want to talk about with y'all again. More things to share and more ideas to express. Make sure to read this and this before going forward to understand what I am about to bring up.

I hope you are ready because...here...we...go.


Anyone with a clue, and sadly there are not many, realize there is a major double standard here in Japan when it comes to us gaijin and Japanese folk. Just take a look at the pic to your left. I am sure that while Japanese men can be horny wolves who chase anything with a pussy, when gaijin men do the exact same thing we are the bad guys.  I have seen so many J-dudes treat women like shit yet these same men get pissed off when a gaijin man even raises his voice to a women in public. Truth be known, a lot of J-dudes don't help their lady friend out so much. Of course, I have talked to a hell of a lot of J-dudes during my time in Japan so far. When the topic of 'helping yo lady' comes up there are common responses such as, 'I don't cook, that is women's work, I don't know how to clean my own clothes, that is for women to do, It is better that women never give their opinion, Men make money, women serve men etc...' Yet, you dare let one of us gaijin mutter any negative opinion toward Japanese women and suddenly we are the lowest form of shit in the universe. I do not hold any of the attitudes or opinions about the opposite sex mentioned in the above sentences, but that does not matter to the average Japanese. It seems that because I am gaijin, I must clearly be a rapist and a women beater no matter what the truth may be. After many years of dealing with this double standard, it seems clear to me that the Japanese mindset is such that they can be dirty slime balls as much as they want but gaijin are expected to be the highest form of human perfection. It seems the agenda is to make it so hard to adjust to life in Japan that we will give up and 'go home.'

Although, the method to attempt to force us to 'give up and go home' is a complex one indeed. This is were microaggression comes into play.

I look at microaggression in Japan the same way as a dog and a bowel of food. Y'all ever see a dog guard his bowel of food when he is not really hungry? Y'all know, the little bastard does not want the food but he will be dammed if anyone touches it. Microaggression in Japan is very similar to a dog who wants to keep everyone away from a bowl of food he does not want in the first place. Gaijin are expected to be perfect because, in my mind, they want us to be what they are unable to be. They want to hold us up to a standard which most humans simply cannot live up to everyday. Even if you are somehow able to live up to even a fraction of that fantasy standard, be damned if we turn right around and expect them to live up to the same standard. That is when the mircoaggression starts.

It goes like this: "We Japanese hate ourselves and our nation. We know we are fucked up and treat you gaijin like shit. Yet, we like being fucked up because it gives us an excuse to blame you for not being as fucked up as us. So, we will guard our bowel of food with the up most aggression, not because we actually like the food, but because as long as we are fucked up and expect you to be perfect you can never get one over on us. We really don't want to live this way but it is better for everyone involved. After all, you are a gaijin, and as we all know, you have a natural advantage over us as being able to move in and out of our society as you please. Fuck you gaijin! Fuck you because due to your sense of liberty and equality people like you and don't like us. So, we must force you to be perfect and pure. As long as we can force you to try to be perfect and pure, we can fuck you over and get away with it. Your forced perfection makes it easier for us to fuck you over as we see fit. If you are actually able to live up to the standard we place on you...well this is Japan so we will turn around and expect you to be just as fucked up as us. As soon as you live up to one standard, we will change the rules and expect you to suddenly live up to a totally new standard which we will create out of thin air. Don't like it? You can always go back to the dirty liberal nation from which you came."

That is the core of microaggression in Japan.


I know, it may be hard to believe me. Fair enough. Due to the cute fucking image of Japan that westerns suck up like scarface on a coke binge, the reality of living in Japan...I mean really living in Japan, is often covered up by images of Shibuya hoes, High school Harajuku shallowness and old beat up temples. That is only the surface of Japan and not the real deal. So, what is it like to deal with mircoaggression? Please allow me to explain.

It usually starts with a look. They look at you with this kind of asshole smile usually followed by some under the belt shot at you verbally. I have pretty much heard it all,"Why do you speak English in Japan?, You don't really use chopsticks correctly; you know?, English is a noisy language, When are you going back to your country?,  Gaijin stink! Take a bath!, Japanese are peaceful people so we don't understand why gaijin are so violent?, You gaijin have too many opinions, Why don't you just do it our way?, Japan is a safe country unlike America were people kill each other for fun, We are farmers and you are hunters so you are violent and we are not, Gaijin all look the same, Why is your noise pointed?, Japanese girls only like you because you have a big dick, and my all time favorite: We lost the war so we have to give you fucking Gaijin visa to come and teach English and fuck stupid Japanese girls." All of these things have actually been said to my face here in Japan.

The above quotes are a perfect example of microaggression in Japan. They seem to have a hard time with holding us up to a fantasy standard, which if we actually live up to, pisses them off beyond belief. It makes me think that a lot of Japanese really do think, deep in their hearts, that gaijin are everything they love and hate about humanity. They hate themselves so in turn they want another group to blame and hate so they will feel better about being uptight assholes who are on a mission to sink their nation to the bottom of the ocean. They cannot admit that they really like us and our way of thinking. If they fully admit they like us then they must also look at themselves and how fucked up they have allowed their society to become. It is simply too much for the average Japanese to do so they often choose to be a nasty little cunt with an ego the size of Mt. Fuji. It makes them feel good to take a shot at a Gaijin.

...And that is microaggression in Japan. If you live here and cannot understand this daily bullshit then you are truly brain dead or brainwashed by the Japanese corp. machine.


And might I add...

There are still many really cool people here in Japan. I have seen things here which also inspire me and uplift me. Not everyone here fits the picture I have just painted. It is just that this post is a picture of a combination of several years living and working in Japan daily. There is a problem with racism and xenophobia in Japan. Still, Japan offers many things besides harsh realities of a semi-isolated society who have a distrust of foreigners.   

I'm a bad man: The Shit You Do When you are Poor

Howdy Yall! Yes, I have returned to this blog to crank out from more posts. You know, bring poor is tough. All I have known for the majority of my life is hardcore poverty. When I first came to Tokyo, I was shocked by some of the things a lot of Japanese are unwilling to do in order to survive. Hell, take away their cell phone and it is as if the end world just started to go down. So many people in this city fail to realize just how easy they got it. Maybe that explains why I struggle to relate to others here in Tokyo. A lot of them were born with a silver spoon in their mouth; while I have had to fight for everything I have. I am sure if I took some of them to West Virginia they would die within a week. They just don't know how to survive. In fact, the only group in Tokyo looked down on more than gaijin is the homeless. There seems to be a certain hatred in this city toward anyone who has to fight to survive. While I grew up with the thinking that you should always try to help someone who is struggling, it seems that in Tokyo someone who is struggling should be exploited, taken advantage of and hated. Capitalism Tokyo style takes one of the most cold blooded forms I have ever experienced.

Despite the cold blooded nature of Tokyo, I will never forget the things I have done in the past in order to make it from one day to the next.

Cigarettes as currency
When you are poor there is little difference between being in jail and walking around on the street. The most common form of currency is about the same as well. If you got cigarettes you can get other stuff which you need more than a smooth smoke. I remember trading smokes for all kinds of things. Everything from CD's and porn mags to food and beer could be bought for only a few cigarettes. Hell, in high school cigarettes were even used as protection money. If you wanted to get in the good graces of the current bully, just give him a few smokes everyday and he will keep the other rocks for brains bullies off your ass. I know that sounds crazy but when everyone around you is poor and hard as nails, you have to find something that folks are willing to be nice to you in order to get.

Not allowed to be smart
When you are poor you are not allowed to be smart. What I mean is if I try hard to drag myself out of a life of poverty, most folks will tear my legs off and try to pin me down. No one wanted me to be better than the mass of poverty stricken folks who have nothing to look forward to in the future. If I got good grades in school than I was, 'a nerd who thinks he is better than everyone else.' If I could hold an intelligent conversation about something other than beer, women, drugs or lame ass music then I was,'a uptight asshole who needs to drink more beer and fuck more bitches.'  And finally, if I go to college, expand my mind, and then get the fuck out of America the first chance I got then I was, 'a traitor who has no loyalty to anyone and does not deserve to be an American.' All of those things are what it means to be considered smart in West Virginia. Now, there are exceptions of course. I knew some really interesting intelligent folks back in the mountains. They were the ones I got high with and talked about politics, society and what we can do to make our world a better place to live. I remember each and everyone of those folks who inspired me to reach for the stars and escape a life of poverty. 

Stealing!
If you want to learn how to be a master thief, just ask someone who grew up dirt poor.  From the time I was a little dirty faced boy I knew how to steal. It kind of came natural to me for some reason. Hell, everyone I knew, family included, had stole something right in front of my eyes by the time I was eight. My earliest memory of rogue behavior was one summer in 1987. My grandpa had taken me on his weekly trip into town. He called me his 'shadow' or 'partner in crime' and I did not understand what he meant until that one day in the summer of '87.

We were at the supermarket when he took me around the corner and said, 'Today I am going to teach you the basics of stealing. It will be a useful skill though out your life. Better you learn now than later.' 

The plan was simple, I was to steal a tube a super glue for my grandpa. I had to grab a bottle of superglue, hide it in my pants, go to the bathroom to get it out of the packaging then find a way to head out the door before anyone noticed. Since I was really small back then, I had the advantage of not being noticed as much as an adult. I remember my grandpa providing cover while I stuck the superglue down my pants. I then walked away from him as if I did not know him. I made it to the bathroom and discovered a major problem. One of the workers was in the bathroom shaving and brushing his teeth. There were no stalls in that cheap ass supermarket bathroom. The best they could to was put up thin metal walls between each toilet. I had no choice, I simply started removing the glue from the package. Of course, the guy in the blue work jump suit caught me. Shockingly, instead of dragging me to the managers office he gave me some advice, 'Next time steal something with a plastic seal because they are easier to open.' From that day forward I understood the value of stealing.

Which brings me to my next point

How to steal food and whiskey without(almost) ever getting caught

When you are poor there are two things which are always true: You are always hungry and always want to get drunk. Poverty will drive you to drinking faster than any stressful bullshit here in Tokyo. When you are poor stress is never ending. After a while you accept that being in a constant state of 'fucked' is normal. Both food and whiskey cost money which is hard to come by when you are dirt poor. As you might have guessed, I mastered the art of stealing those magical items at a pretty young age. I had been stealing candy bars and sodas from the time I realized my mother did not have a lot of pocket change to give me. When you are little stealing candy bars and sodas is easy because you are really short and no one notices you reaching for a candy bar and putting it in your pocket. When I got older however, things got really tough and getting enough to eat was sometimes a challenge.

Seeing that the need to eat must be tamed, I came up with a unique way to score extra food. Where I come from, there are small farms scattered around. Nothing too large mind you. Usually folks would keep a half acre or an acre of land set aside for small time farming. Also, it was easy to steal an ear of corn, a few tomatoes or a juicy sweet watermelon. The deal would go down pretty smooth most of the time. I would gather a few buddies up and sneak into a path. One guy would be lookout while the rest of us would grab a few fresh veggies. I only ran into trouble once when I was 15. It was at night and my best buddy at the time and I wanted to steal a big fat ass juicy as fuck watermelon which I had been keeping my eyes on for over a week. When we went to steal it the damn old man growing the melon was on his front patio drinking moonshine. He was a mean old bastard who still kept his pistol with him at all times. My buddy grabbed the watermelon but ran in the exact wrong direction. He came flying out of the patch right into the direct line of sight of that old man. The old bastard fucking flipped! He threw the jug of shine at my buddy hitting him square in the forehead. The blow cracked his skull wide open. My loyal friend melted to the ground. I have never seen someone go down like that. It was like watching the slow motion death of daffy duck on crack. I decided to at least attempt to not bail on my buddy. I ran up on the old man and yelled, 'You just killed my friend! You fucking murdering bastard!' The old fart got nervous and offered me a bottle of shine if I would not tell anyone about the insanity that had just happened. The old man rushed into his house to fetch some shine. By the time he came back, my good buddy was struggling to get on his feet. It was actually pretty damn funny watching that old bastard trying to say sorry because my buddy was so fucked in the head I don't think he knew what was going on at that point. After that day, we decided that supermarkets were a much safer place to steal food from.

Yeah, stealing from supermarkets proved to be easier than stealing candy from a baby. The people who work at supermarkets really don't give a flying fuck what happens to the store. As long as they got a paid check every week, the whole place could be raided by a gang of starved field hands for all they care. I remember walking into just about any supermarket, grabbing anything I wanted, and politely walking out with a shit eating grin on my face. Sometimes one little asshole who was trying to get promoted would yell 'Hay you! Stop! Thief! Thief!' All I had to do was haul ass across the parking lot and off their property. The old grab and run method usually worked every time. Lucky for me, I no longer have to steal in order to survive. Thankfully my thieving days are over.

So now you know some of the shit people do when they are poor. It was actually kind of fun to be poor at times. Although, being poor usually sucked big fat green floppy donkey dicks. At least if I ever find myself dirt poor again, I will know exactly what to do.

I'm a Bad Man: Japan! Don't Fight Drunk Hill Billies on the Train

Howdy Yall! It goes without saying that getting into a fight on any train in Tokyo is a very bad idea. Don't get me wrong, if you gotta fight...you gotta fight. Yet, if you can avoid it, it is best to not fight on the train. There are so many things that could go tragically wrong during a train fight. Hell, getting arrested should be the least of your concerns. Remember, most trains in Tokyo are crowded pretty much at all hours they are running. Only early as hell in the morning, i.e. the first trains, and around 2:00 pm they can be a little lean. Although, the chances that you are going to get into a fight on the first morning train, or just after mid-day, is slim to none. If some shit is going to go down, it is going to happen during the morning commute, the afternoon commute or when everyone is getting shit faced at night. When the train is crowed, a massive amount of bad business can go down. For starters, if you throw a punch and miss, you just might end up socking a women dead in the face. That is not going to end well for you. Secondly, your little fist fight could inspire others to join in the fun. A train car is not a bar. A wild wild west cluster fuck brawl only works in a bar or on the street. Inside of a packed train car, filled to the brim with pissed off over worked Japanese, will end up with a lot people seriously injured or maybe even killed. So yeah, a train fight has many unseen dangers.

Yet, there are still times when avoiding a train fight is easier said than done.

I have had three little 'conversations' on the train. I am not talking about the southern gentlemen polite kind of conversations either. For some reason there is lack of folks willing to dish out a ass kicking in Tokyo. This sad fact explains exactly why there is an over flow of loud mouth assholes who just don't know when to stop while they are ahead. Don't get me wrong, Tokyo is a hell of a town! Yet, with all the nice things Tokyo has to offer, it also brings with it a lot of spoiled fuckers who are so damn self absorbed they actually believe their shit smells like roses. Well, they believe their shit smells like roses, until of course, they meet me.

I am willing to put up with a lot of shit just to get from point A to point B in order to do something I actually like, which is teaching English, and to make some money so I can put food on the table.  The daily crap that goes down on the trains in Tokyo is enough to drive someone over the edge and straight into a murderous rampage. Don't worry yall, I have never killed anyone in Tokyo. Yet, when my buttons are pushed, in that extra special way that only a dickless spoiled Tokyo salary man can do, I will stand by ground.

Now, the first time I had any problems on the train was actually pretty early on in this whole 'living in Japan forever' business. I had finished work early that day and decided to take my gal out for a few drinks in Ikebukuro. We got on the damn Joban line. That train is known for having a lot of crazy fuckers on it daily. Still, I never expect for any crazy asshole to come floating my way.

As we all know, shit gets stupid when we least expect it.

So, I was chatting up my gal when suddenly crazy asshole decided to pay me a visit. Out of no where I heard someone say, 'Motherfucker shut your fucking mouth!' I turned around to see who the fuck was saying such uncalled for comments. Some guy, at least twice my size, was giving me the devil stare while calling me out. To be honest, I was shocked. What the hell did I do to deserve such a verbal attack? So...I ask as much: 'Dammit buddy. Are you okay?' The following exchange went down as such.

Crazy asshole: 'I will be okay when you shut the fuck up!'
Tokyo Ghost: 'Now look here...I don't know you and besides I was not even talking to you'
Crazy asshole: 'You just shut the fuck up before I fuck you up...white boy'
Tokyo Ghost: 'I think your mouth is writing checks your ass cannot cash, buddy'

He gets right in my face and goes for the stare down. I actually had to look up at him to engage in the stare down(yeah, he was bigger and taller than me). I think every Japanese on the train was scared shitless of what was unfolding. He wanted to fight me so bad he could taste it. All I could say was, 'If you wanna brawl on this damn train I will, but know that we will both go to jail for this stupid shit.' I guess he came to his senses because at the next station he got off the train and said, 'I will be watching you' Whatever the fuck that meant.

The second time crazy asshole found me on the train was one time when I was way too drunk to even be on the train. It was summer in Tokyo. Yall know what summers in Tokyo are like, right? It was a hot summer night and I wanted to have a few beers on the street with some drinking buddies. So, of course I got hammered like a jackass. I actually had to have my buddies help me to the station. I must have been a pretty sad sight. Yet, an evening of drunken gaijin hijinks was not over for me.

I was somehow able to get on the damn train just fine. The only problem was there were no empty seats. A drunkard needs a seat while on the train. Standing up on the train will only piss the drunkard off and cause him to lose whatever since of civility he had left.

And sure as shit someone had to fuck with me.

I called up my gal for a very special drunk dial. My plan was masterfully thought out. I called her up and started ranting on about fucking rabbits on the train. She thought it was damn funny, but some hardened fella standing across from me did not share in my humorous drunken madness.  I get a very hard tapping of a finger on my shoulder. When I turn around he shakes his finger at me and tries to take my phone. Drunk hill billy logic made quick order out of the situation: Man laid hands on me-man tried to steal from me-time to get some shit started! The Redneck came out of me so damn quick I am sure the guy damn near shit his pants. I totally lost my cool. I started shouting some mad crazy shit while I had him pinned up against the damn train door. I think it went something like this, 'Motherfucker! You laid hands on me! What the fuck...are you retarded? And you tried to rob me! Fuck you! You dirty little Jap bastard! I should kill your sneaky Jap bastard ass!' Before any of you give me shit for behaving in such a manner....I know that was really fucked up. I should have never said that shit to that guy nor should I have pinned him up against the train door. But....fuck him! He had it coming. It is always a bad idea to mess with a drunk hill billy on a train in a large metro area. Almost every human on the planet knows the above fact is very true except the Japanese it seems. Yet, don't worry because I honestly felt like a total prick the next day. That guy got the raw end of the deal simply because he was Japanese and did not understand how the outside world works at all. Did I feel bad about it? Yes. Should I have mercy in the future? I should but I will not. The only way to make Japan a stronger nation is to stop feeling sorry for them and always showing them mercy.

I should have learned my lesson after that little drunken explosion. Sadly, one more thrown down needed to take place before I realized it is highly advised to maintain your shit while on the train.

This one actually happened early last summer. My stress level had started to get out of hand during that time. None the less, it was still fun to thrown down a few cold ones with co-workers to blow off steam. This was also before it had finally sunk into my head to stop getting hammered drunk so much. I took one of my few trusted gaijin co-workers, along with two young gals who work in the company, out for a night of getting wasted. This was bad to start off with because I was the only one who did not have to work the next day. I should be better than to take my co-workers out and get them wasted all night knowing full well they have to work the next day. The hell with it! They are big boys and girls and know exactly what they are getting into. Anyway, it was a crazy drunken night and some things went down I would rather not repeat.

The really crazy part did not happen until day break.

I said farewell to my co-workers and hoped on the train. I was standing on the train half drunk, tired, wearing jackboots, boot cut jeans and a free Tibet T-shirt on. Yeah, I looked like a real class act. It was very clear that the best thing to do was leave me be. Yet, Japan would just not have it that way. Some fat ass middle aged salary man just had to be a prick at exactly the wrong time. The guy started snorting at me and saying 'drunk gaijin go home.' I was not in the mood to deal with that sort of thing at 6:30 am. I tried my best to brush him off but he started getting louder and louder. All I simply said was,'Nani?' His genius response,'You a drunkard. Go home.' We quickly started arguing about my legal status for living in Japan. It got heated pretty quick. I finally got tired of this racist B.S and told him to get up and do something or leave me the hell alone. And you know what? He actually got up and tried to do something about my gaijin ass living in his nation. Sadly, the damn guy had the fighting ability of a 16 year old J-girl. He started waving his arms around in an attempt to slap me. I started decking him in the face until he decided to sit the fuck down and chill out. After he sat back down, with blood coming from his mouth, he just kind of looked at each other with black heart stares. That little live action social warfare was something no one of that train expected to see before 7:00 am. Again, I scared the shit out of everyone on the train. The funny thing about the whole stunt was that he got off at the next station and everyone else acted like nothing happened. Japanese are always good for keeping a secret when you really need them to keep something on the down low.

After that last fucked up train action I swore to myself to not get into anymore shit on the train. Fighting on the train is not good and should always be considered unacceptable. Point blank: Don't do it! Just because I have done it does not mean everyone else should also do it. Although, it will forever be hard for me to shame anyone else for train fighting because my hill billy ass is guilty as sin.


There is only one positive thing about my days on the train fighting circuit: Japan has learned to never fight hill billies on the fucking crowded Tokyo trains.

I'm a Bad Man: But I Don't Gun Down Angels

Howdy Y'all. I have never really considered myself to be a 'good guy.' A lot of people tell me what a good guy I am but in my own mind I know things about myself that they don't. When I look back on my life so far, I sometimes find myself thinking 'Damn! Did you really do that...oh yeah you really did do that.' Some of those things I did for my own sick pleasure, while other acts of madness were carried out for my own survival. When you are born into dirt poor Hill Billy poverty, you learn pretty quick that morality can be relative sometimes and a good man really is hard to find. I remember growing up being told by everyone, except my mother, that there was nothing good about me. I was a dirt poor piece of redneck trash in most people's eyes and there was no two ways around changing their minds. So, yall can guess what it was like growing up in such an environment. I am surprised that the grown man you see in the picture to your left has made it this far.  Yet, I have to come to terms with my background. So let's start to deal with it, shall we?

My daddy partying with his buddies while holding my sister

Guns were apart of my daily existence from a very young age. There were men carrying guns around me daily. I really did not know the idea of 'gun totting America' as the Japanese media loves to proclaim until I started to venture beyond the mountains. It was not uncommon for my house to have a gang of hard working, poker playing, beer drinking, gun packing bad asses hanging around. I remember seeing just about every type of gun one could think of by the time I was 12. For some damn reason all of them liked to show me how to use all those guns. I was damn near a fire arms expert before I entered Junior High. My mother hated the idea of me playing with guns all the time but there was not much she could do about it. It is not an easy task to tell hardcore mountain men to stop giving the kid guns to play with. The first time I actually shot a gun must have been when I was about eight years old. My daddy was drinking with his buddies and one of them had a common .45 on him. One of the guys bet my father that I could not shoot a 40 of malt liqueur off of a dog house about 15 feet away from the door. Out of stubborn pride, my father took that bet. I was so excited that I popped off too many shots in a row and ended up shooting the 40 and the guys front driver side wheel of his near by pick-up truck. I think they got into a fight over that little stunt I pulled. So yeah, guns were apart of daily life for me.

But as we all know, playing with guns are fun until something fucked up happens. 

Fast forward to my freshmen year in university. As you can expect, the college crowd did not take well to my hill billy ass. My college buddies ended up being outsiders and foreigners who were a bit too different to be accepted by my fellow Americans. I did not mind my buddies much because they liked to create a little hell on earth just like I did. I made friends with a Russian guy from St. Petersburg. No one really liked him because he was VERY Russian and did not give a fuck what anyone thought about him. We used to buy MD 20/20, get drunk as fuck, and then throw firecrackers at each other. Yeah, we were into that kind of fun.

Anyway, the first time I returned home was for Thanksgiving break. I was dating a chick from India at the time so she was coming home with me. Yuri soaked around campus a week before because none of the host families would take him in for the break because they were scared of him; and for good reason. So, I told him if he would give Sheela and I a ride to my house he could stay with me over Thanksgiving break. I had no idea at the time how much of a bad idea that would turn out to me.

The first night should have been a warning sign that it was going to be a fucked up week. When we arrived at my house Sheela was tired so she went to sleep. I called up a few buddies, got Yuri high off some weed, and took him to a high school football game. He fell in love with American football. He was yelling at the players to 'kill each other you American bastards' and trying to pick a fight with the line ref. Everyone was giving us the 'die you commie fuckers' look the entire time. Yuri did not give a fuck and was singing the damn Russian national anthem at half time. We were lucky to get out of there alive. And that was day one...

During the course of the next few days the four of us, my father included, developed a taste for cheap Tequila, arguing about everything and fists fights(the fights were was mostly my father and I after Sheela pissed him off). Yeah, we were having a good old fashioned West Virginia good time. 

It was all fun and games until one night Yuri got drunk and wanted some pussy.

On the first day I told Yuri that the guy who lives on the hill across the road will let you fuck his wife if you give him some pills. I said that as a joke but Yuri thought I was serious. One night Yuri got more drunk than usual and decided it was time to get his fuck on.  He still had some Xanax he had bought from some wigged out science major. He grabbed the bottle of Xanax, my dads condoms, and as he marched out the door proclaimed, 'I'm going up hill to trade pills for man's wife.' My dad had long ago passed out, Sheela was high off her ass, my fat ass gay cousin so too drunk and I was left to try and stopped Yuri. I tried to talk him out of it but he just kept saying, 'Good loving for good pills' and knocked me on the ground several times. I finally gave up and said to him,'fine you crazy Russian motherfucker, if you wanna get killed tonight go night ahead.' We all just waited for the gun shot to break the silence of the night.

They spoke loud and with confidence.

Yuri: Ryan said you will trade pills for the fucking of your wife? I am here to make trade.
Angry Redneck: What the fuck are you!?
Yuri: I am Russian and I come to fuck your wife! Where is she? 

A few minutes later....BOOM! 'You Russian commie bastard! Get off my land before I kill you!'

The boom sound came from the business end of a double barrel pump action shot gun. The death threat came from a man named Randy; and he was pissed the fuck off.

Yuri came rolling back to my house as cool as a penguin. He kicked open my door and coldly said, 'Where is gun? Time for American asshole with slut wife to die!'

He went right to the gun case and picked out a truly classy weapon; a rifle which had not been properly cleaned for about a year. He also grabbed a box of bullets and started to head out the door. At that point I had to stop his crazy ass from going on a murderous rampage. As Yuri was loading the gun I hit him square in the jaw, but that only dazed him. I hit the bastard again with a good old fashioned Irish upper cut and he was down for the count. It was then that I noticed that Sheela and my fat ass gay cousin had been watching the scene unfold with a look of pure horror on their faces. They looked like they had just watched a zombie take a bite out of someone. If the whole situation had not been so fucked up, I might have started laughing at them.

Seeing that Yuri was pretty much out cold, the three of us want out back and smoked a joint. We thought it was all over...but Yuri was not finished yet. When we heard his Ford Bronco start up and kick up gravel as it hauled ass out of the driveway I simply gave the fuck up. He was sure to get himself killed one way or the other. Yet, to my surprised he return within 30 minutes with some very special friends. Yuri's new friends were four cops cars and eight pissed off cops. They circled his Bronco while one of them shouted, 'One of you Smith's come out here and claim this son of the bitch.' I was the only Smith in the house who was smart enough to deal with those cops. Dad was passed out and my fat ass gay cousin was too much of a pussy to talk to the cops. I came outside and said, 'I am a Smith. What the hell did he do?'

The lead cop took me to the side and very smoothly said, 'I don't know were this guy is from but he is fucking crazy. One of our officers was on traffic duty and that bastard tried to hump the damn hood of the officers car. Now you look here Smith boy, You lock him up in a room and do not let him out until he sobers up. If we catch him out again tonight we will take him to the station and you know what will happen there. Do you understand me you little Smith asshole?'

I agreed and they cut Yuri loose. I told Yuri to go pass out in my room. I made sure to lock the damn door behind him. From that day forward he forever became known as the Yuri the redneck Russian.

As unbelievable as this tale seems, I can assure you that it is all true. I cannot make this shit up.

My life is much more mellow how compared to my days living in the mountains of West Virginia. Which is most likely why I have damn near lost my mind here in Japan. Being a good guy who is so damn polite is not easy when you come from the kind of place I have. The social pressures of Japan have damn near broke me but I am sure most people in Tokyo could never handle West Virginia.

This is the first in a series of posts about my background. I need to comes to terms with what made me who I am today. It will switch from my life in West Virginia and here in Japan. I am sure you will find these post to be entertaining and enlightening.

A Sexless Rebellion in Japan? Japanese are Refusing to Fuck.

Howdy Yall! We have all heard of Japan having many 40 year old virgins who don't even know what a pussy looks like. Hell, on a day when I am more keen than usual I can damn near pick them out from a crowd. It is usually the guys who sit on the train as if they have something stuck up their ass. You know, the ones who have man purses and the facial expression of a bright eyed women. The guys who are so timid that it seems as if they cut off their own balls and sold them to some pervert in Akiba. The Japanese refer to these types as herbivore men. They choose to give up on sex, or any romantic relationship, and instead focus on meaningless hobbies and self absorbed lifestyles. They are even known to develop very bizarre fuck buddy partnerships with sex dolls. Yet, what is not being asked is why so many Japanese are rejecting to engage in the time honored tradition of fucking like rabbits? 

I gave the some thought as to the reason why Japan is giving up on sex, after watching a recent TYT report about a survey that
found 36 percent of males age 16 to 19 have zero interest in sex and even despise the idea of getting their fuck on. To be honest, my first reaction to this was 'Dammit Japan! What the hell is your damn problem?' I mean really, how do you manage to create an entire generation of young men who are trading fucking girls for fucking lifeless sex dolls and dating girls from video games? To say the least, I had to think about this one for a bit. Considering that I live in Japan and interact with the society daily, my answer to the question at hand draws on my direct experience with the Japanese people and their current modern society.

To my mind, I think the youth of Japan, as well as many 20 and 30 somethings, are rejecting sex and reproducing, as a means of rebellion in a society which leaves little room for overt individuality  or social change. Of course, though means of mass commercialism and consumerism , it would seem that there is plenty individual self expression in Japan. Yet, after living here for a while it is clear to me that people are forced fed a form of, not only individuality, but also sexuality which just does not feel natural to them.

Think about it y'all...

From a very early age most J-guys are fed the idea that they should carry a be cool, I don't give a fuck, bad asses, you should be stubborn as a mull and treat women like sex object which serve, at most, as social status kind of attitude. To be married to a hot women who will crank out babies and treat their husband like a little boy, is the image most J-guys are told to have of women.If you are a J-guy who wants more out of a close relationship with a women, you are pretty much left with few options for a partner. No wonder more and more J-guys are saying, 'screw it! I don't want anything to do with any of these dumb ass chicks.'

And speaking of the ladies, the situation does not get much better.

According to the recent survey reported on by TYT, almost 60 percent of girls between the age of 16 to 19 have zero interest in sex. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I was a teenager the girls carried just as much of an aggressive attitude towards sex as the guys. Hell, I was hit on by more girls than I hit on myself. During my high school days, it did not take much to get a blowjob. It become very clear to me pretty early on that America is a nation of lovers. Although, sexuality has often been used as a form of rebellion in the USA. Yet, here in Japan the lack of sexuality is used as an act of rebellion. Women in Japan are forced into being nothing more than sex objects as soon as possible. I mean, just look at all the perverts in Japan going crazy over very young girls in school uniforms. I think most people are aware of the rape club scandal at Wasada University.If you want to get a wolf like reaction out of men in Japan, simply mention school girls. It seems to be universally accepted that school girls(either jr/high school or University) are sex objects. No wonder the younger generation of Japanese women are rejecting their own sexuality. Just think of what it must be like to walk knowing full well that you school uniform is viewed as something to make you a sex object.

Does Japanese society offer these young men and women other options to express their sexuality in a natural manner. Of course not! So, these high numbers of young people rejecting sex all together in order to develop a personality and identity which is not forced fed to them based solely on their sexuality should not be surprising.

What all of that said, Japan still needs to fuck. They have a population which will decrease by 1/3 by 2060. This is a serious problem which Japanese society refuses to address. Japanese need to be able to express and explore their own sexuality without being forced to view each other as sex objects.

A sexless rebellion is not the kind of rebellion which will benefit the nation at all. It is turning the nation into a gang of sexless self absorbed uptight assholes who will destroy Japan unless the powers that be give up their tight grip on the culture.

Dammit Japan! You really need to fuck!