I guess the title of this post may be the best way to describe me. The post title came from a book I read by Hunter S. Thompson. I remember reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas when I was a freshmen in college. The book had a profound effect on my life. The one quote from that book which has always stuck out in my mind was, `He is too weird to live, too rare to die.` I have often thought about the meaning of the quote over the years. Now that I live in Tokyo I have come to understand what good old Hunter S. was talking about.
I have never been the prototype `cool` American guy. OK. So, in high school I was a starter on the (American style) football team. Also, I spent way too much time in shop class building muscle cars. Although, I was not Mr. popular. In fact, I ran with a gang of misfits who would rather hang out at the abandoned swimming pool getting drunk on a Friday night than go to the school dance.
In college I studied journalism and minored in human personality. I was the kind of person who stayed up all night in college. If someone wanted to smoke a joint, drink some beers or just have a place to hang with a gal my dorm room,and later apartment, was always open. I served on the editor staff of the student paper(although I did no copy editing. I left that job to some guy who would work for free weed). The kind of people who knew me in college were those who wanted to rebel but were too rich and too average to pull it off on their own. Those unhappy rich kids nicknamed me Mr. Vice. Those days really shaped who I am today in many ways. Although, in those more simple and carefree days I did not understand Hunter`s meaning of `Too weird to live, too rare to die.`
Tokyo has shown me what Hunter was trying to tell me. I have finally come to understand that I am not like most people. For many years I was under the impression that I was just another person in this world. I did not consider myself to be all that different from the mainline of society. I guess the reason for my lack of understanding that I was different is due to the fact that I was living in the south deep in the mountains of West Virginia. In West Virginia people tend to not point out someone who thinks or behaves differently(they simply try to beat the shit out of you when they think no one is looking) . Usually, birds of the same feather flock together in West Virginia. So, I thought that I was basically the same as most people. Although, I was fully aware that I was strange by redneck standards. I was the guy, in high school, who dated the gal from Korea so the rednecks avoided me at all cost. I should have realized that I was different the first time I took my then Korean girlfriend home to make out and smoke pot. My father, who scored me the pot in the first place, said to me, `Boy! You and that yellow girl sure are a strange pair. People are talking you know.` I brushed off his comment at the time but now I understand more then ever what he was telling me. I do not do things like most people.
Tokyo has shown me what I could never learn about myself living in West Virginia. I tend to life a lifestyle that is kind of bohemian in nature. I now understand that I enjoy living slightly outside of society norms. I enjoy doing things which are considered to be unacceptable by society. It gives me a feeling of freedom which I cannot get from walking the straight and narrow path. Tokyo allows me to fully indulge in the underground and off beat aspects of society.
In West Virginia people called me a strange version of James Dean. In Tokyo I have found people who like me just the way I am. I have made friends with people who like the idea that I carry with me a James Dean type of vibe. I often blush when Japanese say, `You look like James Dean. Have a drink and spend some time with me.`
So, for all you people who want to hate on me and point out every little mistake I make go fuck yourself. Really! Most likely you live a lifestyle I could never accept for myself. I assume that you are not different and you have never experienced anything underground and free-spirited. In fact, I think that those who take the time to hate on me actually want to break out from the norm but are too chicken shit to do it on their own. Deep down inside they hate their life but they are trapped. Instead of making a change they spend their time giving me asshole and unwanted comments on the internet. I do not hate them. I feel sorry for them. I have found myself but they are still lost. Yes it is true, I am too weird to live and too rare to die.