Thursday, December 11, 2008

Warning! Contents Under Pressure

The pressure is finally starting to get to me a little. It usually takes a lot of shit thrown at me to see any cracks in the iron coat so to speak. I may be a little of an emotional person but I can take some heat when needed. Although, as of late the pressure in my life is starting to build to the boiling point. I am starting to feel like I am going to snap.

I really do not like this feeling at all. There has been way too much uncertainty in my life. Japan can be a really high pressure society. They can expect too much from people. It is as if they do not understand that no one is perfect. People will make mistakes everyday and there is no need to jump all over someone`s ass so much. With all the things going on in my life right now I feel like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. I am trying my best to handle this pressure but it is becoming harder and harder everyday. The stress coming from my personal life, job, money, language issues, and figuring out where I fit in the overall scope of things is taking its toll on me. I have got to find a release valve soon.

Maybe one of the reasons I am feeling a lot of pressure is that there are a lot of uptight people that I have to deal with everyday. You know the type, always having high expectations and never being happy with the results of your effort. I really want to tell some of them to fuck off but that would only make matters worse. It seems the harder I try to more upset they are with me. Japanese society can be really insane sometimes. I am trying to be a thoughtful person but I have my days when I just want to relax and not care so much. I cannot be perfect! I have been making progress in my forced self-improvement but it takes time to live up to some of the standards placed on me. I really do not want everything to fall apart but I am starting to struggle to keep the whole ordeal together.

My current game plan involves trying to make a person happy who seems to be all smiles one day and angry as a bull the next. The emotional roller coaster is gonna have to stop or I am going to start having some serious panic attacks. There is also the fact that I really want to change jobs and the job hunt is proving to be a mess all of its own.

I am confident that I will find a different job so I can tell my current company to go fuck themselves but it is gonna take time. I really do not like the people I am working for anymore. I love teaching but the people in management are not the kind of people I want to work for at all. They just fuck around too much with me. Not only that but the company itself is not stable. I cannot work an unstable company. Maybe if I was in my early 20`s I could work for this kind of company but I am getting close to 30 now so I need something more stable. I got a interview this Friday with a company that I would really like to work for on a long term basis. The job itself looks to be a lot of fun and the students would be great to teach. I got everything ready to go for the interview at this point so wish me luck.

Well, I do hope the pressure will let up soon. In the back of my head I feel that everything will be fine. I just got to be a little more keen about things in the coming months.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A Roppongi Gathering

I must admit that I usually do not prefer Roppongi. From time to time I will venture to Roppongi but only when I am invited by someone or when there is no other real option. Although, I completely understand the attraction to Roppongi. Hell, a person can have a real good time in the area. There are a lot of friendly gals there who can provide a blurred evening of drinking and maybe more if you so desire. In Roppongi it is possible for a guy, or gal, to dive head first into just about any type of lustful pleasure one fancies. I just prefer something more underground and outside of the normal insanity that is the Tokyo nightlife. With that said this weekend I ended up partying in Roppongi due to an invite from my long time friend Fumika.

I actually looked forward to an evening in Roppongi due to some extra emotional baggage I have been carrying around lately. I know that going to Roppongi means that I do not have to give a rats ass about much of anything. I can just let go and enjoy myself. At night the area can have such a heavy mix of sexual energy and drunken marry making that people tend to slip into full balls to the wall party mode. While this can lead to some pretty shitty situations at times there is also a huge fun factor involved.

Anyway, one of Fumika`s friends was throwing a little private party at a place called Heartland up until around nine pm. It was my first time to go to a private party in Tokyo. It was not all that bad. The crowd was mostly cool and Fumika was totally stoked to see me. She has got a high energy personality which always makes her fun to be around. By the way guys Fumika is looking for a boyfriend so if anyone is interested I can introduce you to her. She is not into the playboy type. She wants a serious boyfriend. She is fun, outgoing, and a very loving gal. Well, enough of playing match maker.

As the night progressed I got more and more attention from a lot of the gals there. I really do not see why. There was many gaijin men there to choose from. Most of those gals could have their pick of the pack so I found it odd that so many of them were all about trying to get me. I think that most of them were fully aware that I was with someone. I guess I am not used to the vibe in Roppongi. I guess this happens all the time to just about any decent looking guy hanging in one of the many clubs in the area. These gals can be pretty aggressive sometime. It really is a 180 from what I am used to out of gals in Tokyo. I mean, I know that in Tokyo people tend to get real friendly after a few drinks but some of the gals I came across at this party were all ready to strip down naked and submit to all kinds of twisted sexual acts. It is in these situations I say to myself `damn I wish I was single.` None the less the attention did make me feel good.

As the night wore on Fumika kept feeding me drinks and I got rather drunk. I don`t really remember getting home. Lucky for me I have a very caring gal who helped me all the way home. She even helped to provide me with a decent manner in which to throw my guts up all the way home. Overall, it was a fun night. I may go to Roppongi again in the future. I think the gal really likes the place. She does have more fun when she has some people to hang out with besides just me. I might try to set up a little meet up on my own in an attempt to provide her with some fun and play match maker for Fumika.