There is something about this city which twist the hearts of men. Tokyo is not like other cities in the world. There is a very dark force which infects the once jewel city of Asia. A certain madness grips your soul and changes you into something else...something stranger than before.
Yes...something stranger...
I used to be more friendly with folks. I used to trust most people. I would rarely think ill of folks I met for the first time. I was out going and generally happy. These days I am a different animal all together. I am keen and mean way too often. I am like a dragon breathing fire and aggressive as a Tom Cat in heat. Every fucking time I trust someone and I get fucked over big time. I do not see or experience much pure goodness. I deal with raging assholes daily. I have learned to be an even bigger asshole in order to survive.
While I have not gone pure fucking evil, I am a much darker person than I was before. While I was wild as hell in the Mountains of West Virginia, I was not like I am now. It took me a while to realize that I am stranger than before. It has been little things which has made me realize just how different I am these days.
For example:
I used to have a concern for the dull and depressing nature of the trains in Tokyo. I used to make myself smile on the train in the hope that someone would smile back. Now, I am just as much a brutal rib knocking asshole as most of the sorry fucks on the train.
When I first moved to Adachi-ku years ago, I made daily attempts to at least say hello to my down stairs neighbor in the morning. After years of those pricks treating me like I am the fucking devil, I just give them the same dirty looks they give me.
I used to really give a damn about being a `nice guy` at work. I tried to be cool with the J-staff and always liked working with a new teacher. Now, I might very well be the hardest fucker to work with in the history of foreign English teachers in Japan. I am quick to demand answers to fucked up shit and tend to treat any teacher, who have not shed blood for the company with me, like a treasonous bastard.
I used to make a decent effort to by polite to folks. These days, all too often, I will speak the raw truth any time and any where without any concern for others feelings. The more sensitive a person is the more I tend to try to piss them off on purpose at times. I used to never to do that but now I have reached the point in which such people just make me sick.
In general I have lost a lot of faith in humanity. I have seen and experienced so much shit in Tokyo that this twisted city has make me a bit more dark than I ever thought. It may get the best of me. Yet, there are times when I am guided by goodness. It is rare but it still happens. I am not evil just much darker than before.
