Saturday, October 3, 2009

What is in a Gaijin`s Mail Box?

After you properly establish yourself in Japan you will start to get mail. When I say `properly established` I mean a decent apartment(not a guest house), have all the utilities turned on, cell phone service etc. So, what kind of mail can you expect to get? Well, that depends on what you consider to be mail.

I get a lot of stuff from pizza places. I guess this is because I order pizza enough to get my address added to their mailing list in black ink. Most people just throw those away but sometimes those leaflets have some pretty decent deals. I also get a lot of useless crap that gets on my nerves more than anything else.

From time to time I do get some crazy shit in my mail box. I will say it simply: PORN. For some god damn reason I get some form of porn in my mail box from time to time. I don`t know how this started, or if it is even common, but someone in Japan is under the impression I am a porn freak.

There is usually two types of porn I get in my mail box. The first type is ads for DVD`s. These are sick DVD`s too. The kind of stuff that you usually have to go to the Cho to find. I don`t know why they think I am interested in watching old women having sex with college boys.

The second type I get is ads for hostess bars. It does not really count as porn but I have heard those `ladies` are always looking for a papa-san. Well, I don`t make the kind of money to afford a whining young chick who likes to shop in Ginza. They will just have to do without me visiting their bar.

Besides porn and pizza ads I usual get the monthly bills, community newsletters, wing-nut religious crap, and well wishes from my in-laws. The gal gets all those girl mags, which I find slightly amusing by her excitement then they arrive in the mail.

So, for all people living here in Japan: Do you get anything odd in your mail box? If you get anything really strange please share in the comments below.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Cheap Ass 7-11 Beer Gets You Drunk!

For all of you who currently live in Japan, I know you have seen it. That vile looking six pack of beer costing only 687 yen at the 7-11. Your better judgment guides you directly away from anything with a 7-11 logo on it calling itself `The Brew.` You take one look at it and say, `Fuck that I got standards.` Well fuck you too! Some of us need to drink for effect not taste or pride. In such situations our good friends at 7-11 have teamed up with Suntory to offer up the Japanese version of Redneck beer called `The Brew.`

Yes my friends, the brew is cheap as shit and will get you drunk. Throw taste completely out the window. Also, give up your pride when slapping a six pack of this stuff in front of the young gal working at your local 7-11. Trust me, you are not the first over worked and underpaid gaijin to buy this shit. I have even seem a few Japanese dudes go for it a few times. You know, in these hard economic times cheap beer is good for the soul.

Actually, I am no stranger to cheap beer. Back in the mountains of West Virginia we were known to get drunk on Natural Light very often. We made no bones about our intentions when picking up a case of `Natties.` Natural Light is true Redneck beer and 7-11`s The Brew matches it on all levels:

5% alcohol
Watered down flavor
Taste like the crap on the floor of the brewery
Gets you drunk!

When you want to get drunk and do not care about the quality of the beer; 7-11 beer is for you!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

On My Own In Tokyo

For the past several weeks I have been on my own here in Tokyo. The little lady decided she wanted to get the hell out of Tokyo for a while. Tokyo is a real intense experience for her. Sometimes this city really kicks her ass causing her to need a break. So while she has been hiding out in her home town, I have been holding the fort down here in Tokyo.

I have been keeping our place in mostly decent shape. I need do a full cleaning from top to bottom before she comes back next week. You know, just come basic maintenance. There are a few small messes I have been overlooking. I account this to the natural laziness of the male condition. Although, I have been handling the laundry pretty good. I have a new found appreciation for her skill at using a clothes iron. I am straighten out my dress shirts well enough, but my suit pants are a different matter all together. I cannot get the crease right in my suit pants. So in order to maintain decent looking formal pants I have been hanging them up preventing from from developing wrinkles. I may have to still give in and take a few of them to dry cleaners.

Cooking really has not been a problem. I am a decent cook. I have been eating good almost every night. Actually, I had some pretty good meals recently because I can cook exactly what I want. Eating Japanese food every damn night kind of gets to me after a while.

While I have been completely on my own I have been drinking a bit more. I guess it is just a way to pass the time after work. I noticed it was getting a little out of hand so I slacked off the past few days. It is no fun going to work feeling like shit and hung over too many days in a row.

Any damn way, I am up real early today. I had a little trouble sleeping and only got in a few hours. Coffee and Heavy Metal is my wake up call this morning. I might get in a bowl of cereal a little later.

The gal is expected to arrive back in Tokyo Monday or Tuesday of next week. I miss her. It would be good see her again.

Monday, September 28, 2009


I get this strange feeling of being an outlaw of sorts in Tokyo. Not only am I a minority by default but i am also kind of unique among my fellow gaijin. I have noticed that there are not a lot of southern people in Japan. If my memory serves me right, I have only met two people from the rebellious south. So I am a rare breed indeed here in the land of the raising sun.

I have experiences that a lot of people here just don`t have. For example, how many people living in Japan can say they have floated down the tug river on a car hood with a small gang of friends drinking cheap wine? I have clear memories of hanging-out at an abandoned poor drinking 40oz, smoking weed, and trying to deal with the shit situation life had handed us. My education on the `way life works` is very different from my fellow Tokyojin.

The uniqueness of my life experience sometimes causes misunderstandings. While this is expected, it stills gets under my skin sometimes. I have to give the Japanese a lot of `benefit of the doubt` due to the fact I am from a different culture. They sometimes don`t understand why I have tattoos, speak with a heavy southern accent, speak my mind as I wish, and enjoy breaking the rules a little(these are just a few things they have a hard time wrapping their head around). What gets them the most I think is the fact that I display an extreme lack of worrying about `saving face.`

I tend to stick to my own individuality even when I should just `go with the flow` at times. It really throws them for a loop when I express an opinion that is opposite from everyone else at the table. I think the Japanese sometimes feel I am disagreeing with them, when in reality I am simply expressing my own take on any given issue. I actually find it a little funny when they all stop talking and look at each other in amazement. It is as if they do not know how to react to an opinion different from the group.

There is also the whole thing of some Japanese finding me to be so-called `scary.` I know I am a little rough, yet that is not what is freaking them out at times. When I walk to do so in a very upright manner or with my hands in my pockets while slightly slouching my shoulders. My hair is also something which gets them sometimes. I wear a pomp which I have come to find out the majority of Japanese associate with `bad people.` Feeling no desire to change my choice of dress or manner of walking, I try to win them over with my `sparkling personality.` It seems the Japanese don`t take well to people who are a little edgy. They seem to like shit eating grins and rainbow happiness, which is not what I am about at all. I have had to learn to show them I am okay just a little different from most people. It takes time but eventually they get what I am all about. A few times I took it as far to explain to them the `greaser lifestyle.` I also have had a few request for knowledge about The American South.

The Japanese are a interesting bunch for sure. They seem to misunderstand people way too easy. You have to give in to them a bit for them to be able to make any attempt to try and understand you. It is strange for sure but I enjoy the challenge.