Which Direction Is Up Again?

You know I have been thinking about something recently. This has been a really tough year for me. I have had to deal with some really heavy, fucked up and silly shit which would be enough to drive a perfectly sane man to the crazy house. It has been one of those years when everything seem to happen at once. It has been a lot to deal with to say the least. So I have been thinking that it may be time for a change in direction a bit.

While I have no plans to leave Japan any time soon, I am reaching a level of stress which is starting to effect my mental well being. I have not felt this kind of high stress level many times in my life. It usually does not turn out well from past experiences. When I finally crack it is something no one should ever witness. I have done some pretty crazy things in the past in order to purge the shit of humanity from my sorry mortal soul. I know that if something like that happens in Japan I will end up in a world of shit from which I will never return. So what the hell is pushing the buttons of your lovable working class hero?

Well, aside from a lot of little things which have been building up there are two big things which are pushing me to the breaking point. Earlier this year my wife and I lost an unborn child due to medical reasons. The little one never really had a chance in this world. It was only forming in my wife`s body for about four weeks before her body rejected it. It got stuck in one of her tubes and almost killed her. I will ever forget looking down at the mass of blood and human tissue which was suppose to be my child. After the operation to save my wife`s life the doctor called me into a small room to explain what happened. After about 20 minutes of the doctor(Japanese doctors have a shitty bedside manner BTW) struggling to explain things to me, she offered to show me what was left of my child. She rolled a small metal operating table beside me and revealed my child to me. Viewing such a horrible and painful sight usually breaks the soul of most men. I just stared at it with a hard expression on my face. Not one tear came from my eyes as my mind tried to comprehend what I was looking at. It was as if time stopped. I could not hear or feel anything around me. It was one of the darkest experiences in my life. The after effects have been deep and extremely difficult for my wife and I. After several tests the doctor is not even sure if we will ever be able to have a child. I will never forget this experience as long as I live.

The other big thing which is pushing me to the limit is my day job. It is this job I depend on to provide for myself and my wife. I thought I knew what the term `fucked up SOB` meant but I really didn`t understand the term until working for my currently company going on three years now. I am pretty sure these people are capable of just about anything in the pursuit of money. Lack of humanity and ethics do not even start to describe what I have seen and experienced during my involvement with this company. It is the most cut-throat company I have ever worked for. They don`t give a flying fuck about anyone; not even each other. I have seen these people fuck each other over in order to save their own asses. They are vengeful and attack their own employees with the mind set `it is just business.` It has reached a point in which it is effecting me in very negative ways. If I ask for anything i.e. a paid day off, a decent work schedule in which I am not spread out all over fucking Japan, a little basic human respect, or requesting they don`t put me in abusive work environments they respond my making every situation worse or having to fight them to get even the basics done. I am starting to wonder how much longer I can put up with such people and such a company.

It is these two things which are effecting my mental health. The baby thing is just something which I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. The company thing is something which could be dealt with. If any of yall know of a decent paying teacher gig and you could get me a foot in the door let me know.

You Blog?! Why?

Truth be told most people I know in the `real world` do not blog. In fact. most of them have never even considered blogging. I only really know two people two actually blog. I good buddy from work Alex the Brit has his site bestbritishgrub.com(go to his site and encourage him to post more) and of course Mr. Billy `Tokyo` West who currently is not so active in the blogging world. People ask me all the time, `Why in the hell do you blog? It is kind of a waste of time.` I have always been able to answer this question pretty easily by saying,`I do it because it is fun for me. I like to write about things that I see and experience.` I really do feel that way about blogging in general. It is fun hobby which gives me the chance to share my little world with everyone out there in internet land. It has always been fun for me to be apart of something which anyone can do and be decently good at. It does not take a master level knowledge of internet code or marketing to have your own little blog.

Yet blogging is something a bit more bigger than just a fun hobby. Blogging is another form of spreading information. The internet is in its purest form is a giant library of information of just about every topic known to mankind. When anyone post a blog entry about any topic for any reason it just adds to the wealth of information in the net. Some blogs only add an opinion or an experience had by one lone person in the world. Yet,despite the weight of the content THAT lone blogger posting about something which seems unimportant to you or I will most likely be important to someone out there in the harsh world. It would only make sense to assume that every blog post carries with it important information worth sharing with billions of people.

For some folks blogging is more than just a hobby. There are folks making a shit load of cash just by blogging. They put a lot of time and effort selling ads on their site and getting paid sponsors. These kind of people pretty much live on the internet. Of course they do other stuff but majority of their day is spent doing something internet related. For a professional blogger it is more about making money than really sharing information. I don`t hate on these types of folks because if they got a damn good blog and lots of people check it out then go ahead and make some money off of it. Making serious cash doing something fun which requires very little hard labor is kind of a dream job.

So yeah, I blog because it is fun other people blog to score some cash. Both reasons for blogging is okay with me. It all comes to the spread of information in the end. If people want to hate on me then they really are wasting their time. Do you really want to be the person hating on someone`s hobby? At this point, when someone leaves a fucked up comment on my blog I just delete it and move on. I suggest everyone do the same thing. No one has to put up with assholes trying to leave a bag of shit on their front door.

Anyway, I am going to go ahead and end my `Why Blog` post before it becomes a long ass rant with little or no direction.

If you want check out my other blog; theghostofliberty.com It is more of a political blog so if you are interested give it a look.

The Youth Are Getting Brave These Days In Japan

The common Japanese you run into on the street will most likely shy away from talking to you if they do not know you. It could be said that it is a national habit for the Japanese to  leave most foreigners to their own devices. They, as a whole, get more friendly and open up a lot more after a few drinks. Besides having a few rounds, most Japanese will not just walk up to you and have direct contact. While this may be true in most situations the tide may be turning in the spirit of the Japanese youth. From my experience, I have seen a clear difference in the way younger Japanese(18-30) engage foreigners compared to their older counterparts.

The youth of Japan seen to be more forward and brash than the average Japanese Joe six pack. In most nations one would expect the youth to be forthcoming when interacting with people from other so-called tribes. Yet, in Japan the pressure to conform is so strong that one would think they are born wearing a suit and tie. The sharp contrast in posture taken towards foreigners is so clearly noticeable that it boggles the mind how they ever get to the point of being passively dismissive of foreigners.

The brash Japanese youth sometime surprise me with how forward they can be at times. Case in point, I went to the local supermarket last night to grab a few beers and a pack of smokes(yes I still smoke). Just across the road were two young street gals chatting loudly about something or the other. Of course I paid them very little mind and marched on into the store. When I came back out one of the gals came running up to me saying, `excuse me! excuse me! Give me tobacco please!` As she did this her friend slowly followed her like a pet follows a owner. I flashed a pack of smokes I just bought and both of their eyes lit up like firecrackers. I must have given them about six smokes total out of kindness and slight shock. As soon as they got what they wanted they almost walked off just as fast. One of the gals spoke to me using the little English she had found the time to master. They were cute but clearly rough from hanging out on the street all the time.

I see the same kids hanging out on the street down from my house all the time. This little event was the first time they had spoken to me. It is rare for any Japanese,even the homeless, to demand I give them something. The young kids obviously have little care to speak to foreigners when they want something bad enough. The only other time Japanese randomly speak to me is at Yoyogi park sometimes and when I go to a rockabilly show.

Have any of you ever had a random Japanese youth speak to you and/or make an out of the blue request?