The Walking Dead

So, I was pulling down some bread recently and I got into this `discussion` with this guy who has got to be old enough to have seen the bomb drop. I have `taught` this man many times before. He is okay usually but he has this habit of saying really depressing things and never following the flow of the lesson. Well, I must have gotten the luck of the draw because I had to `teach` this guy for two hours straight(two lessons back to back). What this throw back to Imperial Japan said to me was enough to really make me question the soul of the nation.

During the first lesson, which was an advanced discussion lesson, he had another old bag in the class with him. As usual he derailed the flow of the lesson as every given opportunity. It did not matter which section of the lesson we were doing, he was intent on doing his own thing. This of course pissed off the old chick and frustrated me to no ends. Yet, he did not give a fuck.. Fair enough, it`s his money and if he wants to rant on and on so be it. Although, when he had me all to himself things twisted in a very unexpected way.

After stepping out for a quick smoke, I return to the class to find that this guardian of the old faith had booked a lesson which had just been canceled. Being a keen old bastard he of course booked a group lesson knowing full well that no other student would want to have a lesson with his ass. I decided to use some material I had made myself. Usually, I would not waste something I made myself on this bitter stubborn old man. Although, it was a light day and I needed to try out some material. What material was on tap? Well, learning about extended metaphors though the works of Shakespeare of course! This had `old man will reject this and go on a cold blooded rant about society` written all over it. Despite this fact, I threw caution to the wind and used the material anyway.

I sat down with the hopes that this Emperor loving geezer would attempt to learn what I choose to attempt to teach him. At first he seemed to be gun-ho. I presented the topic to him and he was game at first. It was only when we started to modify one of Shakespeare`s  metaphors that this old geezer laid some cold blooded shit on me.
*Remember he never follows any lesson flow.

Old Geezer:
`It is a fact that there is no god. This is why some people have a very good life and others suffer deeply. Those who suffer will die and be gone from our society. They must suffer and they must die. We should never care  about other people. They cannot be helped. If we have any pity on other people, such an act only makes society weak. This is why no American can ever hope to understand we Japanese.`

How in the fuck do you even begin to respond to such a statement? For that matter, how to you maintain your professionalism when a student lays something like that on you?That old fucker smacked me in the face with the weight of the defunct Japanese Empire for seemly no good reason other than for his own sick jollies. He had this smug grin on his face as I struggled to press on with the lesson. With such cold blooded shit as an undercurrent in Japanese society no wonder things are so fucked at times. I have heard of such ideas being one part of modern Japanese society. I have also seen evidence of it in the manner in which the homeless and unemployed are generally treated. That was the first time someone from Japan had ever bluntly laid out the wolf pack mentally to me concerning Japanese society.

I need some feedback on this one. Was this old fart just lashing out at me because he has some old axe to grind with non-Japanese or was he simply stating an often unspoken fact about Japanese society?

The Darkest Fire Bruns Out The Heart of Wicked Men

In the brightest light of day I see the darkest heart of men. Many people pass right by them without a single clue. Yet, I can feel, smell, and even taste the allure of the blackest lust of men all around me. It pucks out a sinister excitement. If it does not blacken the heart of every man, at least it will taint the soul. Such darkness travels without detection from one soul to the next. It separates soul and mind, replacing only a madding lust for all things destructive. How am I able to resist it? I don`t try. Instead of trying to resist such madness, I prefer to be tainted by it rather than be destroyed by it.

I can sense the darkest hearts of the darkest men because their darkness also dwells inside of me. Yes, I feel all the blood lust, rage, corruption, coldness, and chaos which drives the common blackened man in all his endeavors. I have knowledge of the darkness which split his soul and mind into a mesh of chaotic endless madness. We do not know each others name`s yet we do know a certain sickness which lurks along the mass population like a burning black fire. While his heart has been overtaken by the darkness, I am only tainted therefore I am at natural odds with the darkest hearts of men.

This natural and unavoidable conflict can be so subtle and vague that a simple passing expression or eye contact is enough to spark a shared madness of undetectable looming doom by the non-inflicted. Our battle ground is the metaphysical plain of existence only known to those effected by the dwelling darkness. An explosion of a million atomic bombs release an enveloping cloud of protective black energy blocking out all sound and outside influence; there will be blood. We cast a million strikes with our swords in a millionth of a second. As we attempt to slice our minds into utter nothingness, we absorb the black fallout form such a massive release of raw dark energy. The fallout seeps into our hearts and begins a chain reaction of fire, rage and lust. He who burns quickest, burns shortest. I burn but not outward. My fire retains the one thing which cannot be ruined; knowledge that I am not wicked simply tainted.

Battle ends. The darkness in the heart of men carries on.  

It`s True! I am a Twisted Mother Fucker!

To say that I am a bit `out of place` in Japan is an understatement. I am not talking about the simple fact that I am not Japanese; because that is just a fact of life. In fact, I find the Japanese to be pretty interesting people. While I don`t agree with their overall mindset at times and unique ability to be distant even when it does not benefit them, I try to give them equal bearing even when they refuse to give it to me. I don`t really try to relate to them because it has been made clear to me that, as a nation and a culture, they don`t want anyone to relate to them. One of my biggest struggles living in Japan has been relating to other western foreigners.

Yall would think this shit would not be so hard. In the end, we are all in this together. One would expect some sort of natural common ground among the western foreign population. I have found that this is simply not the case. Now, before I go any further let me say that I do know some really cool people. They are few and far between but I do know some. Yet, for the life of me I seem to have a really hard time relating and befriending other `gaijin.`

I have spent countless nights staying up late attempting to understand what the root of the problem is. At times I have tried my damn hardest to be friendly and nice as I can be. Despite my attempts at friendship I find myself being awkward and left `out of the loop` way too often. I seem to find a way to make people have adverse reactions to me. Maybe I really am a twisted mother fucker. I go over the edge into the land of chaos a lot more than I should. Sometimes my rebellious nature may freak people out or give them the impression that I am somehow unhinged. To be honest, I don`t feel that way about myself.

I think due to a hell of a lot of crazy shit which has gone down around me, to me and because of me has made me sensitive to the world on a much different level  than a lot of westerners. I have experienced first hand a lot of madness in my life. Hell, I have touch death`s hand twice, partied in ways which would kill most men, hunted out thrills which are in no way safe, buried my own father, been involved in fights which should have killed me, grew up in one of the roughest backwoods areas of America and dated women wilder and more dangerous than a cobra. All of these things, combined with a few others, have given me a pretty unique spirit. Yet, I find myself struggling to not only find a comfort zone with Japanese but also bond with other `gaijin.`

I need to find a way to relate and express myself in a way which other people can get a handle on. People mock me and it pisses me off! I really do not like being marginalized by others lack of ability to understand me as a person. As I have always believed, `To know me is to love me.`  

The Stubborn Game

Games are very popular in Japan. Arcades can be found everywhere. Hell, I once stayed at a cheap love hotel which had a damn slot machine in the room! Yet, truth be told there is one game which it seems as if almost everyone in these parts love to play; The Stubborn Game. If you don`t know this crazy ass game then you don`t live in Japan. The rules are pretty simple. Basically, when someone wants or needs something you place unreasonable demands  on them and refuse to listen to anything they have to say until they do everything you want first. If the other person will not `cooperate` you attack them without end until they are emotionally and mentally raped. Many folks find this to be a very fun game worth countless hours attempting to win. Although, those of us who are sane know this is pure bullshit which drags people down to a very low level of thinking.The shit pisses me off and I am sure it pisses you off as well.

The problem is that `the stubborn game` is played so often by a hell of a lot of people it can be rather hard to avoid it. As for me I usually try to dismiss people when they try this shit with me. Let me give yall a real good example of how I attempt to deal with this often played game in the grand city of Tokyo. This example is simple but just goes to show the daily level of stubbornness that is the Tokyo lifestyle. I was in Takadanobaba a bit early before work so I decided to grab a quick cup of coffee. There is a coffee shop in the area that looked nice so I went inside. There is this lady who greets me and says gives me a table, which I thought was a bit odd for a damn coffee shop. I told her all I wanted was a cup of coffee. She gives a odd look and goes away. A few minutes later she brings me a coffee. Well, my work place calls me and needs me to go ahead and come to the branch. I asked the women to give me a to-go cup because I need to leave suddenly. She tells me that is not allowed and I will have to buy a to-go coffee. I tell her I already ordered a cup of coffee, and I want to get a take out cup for the coffee I just ordered. She says, `Sorry. Cannot do that. Must order another` in the best English she could muster. In response I say,`I am busy. Please help me. Give me a to-go cup for my coffee` in the best Japanese I could muster. She gets angry and demands I pay for the coffee I ordered. Well, I politely said no and left. I did not actually get any coffee in my belly.

The above example was a small one but this kind of thing goes down all the fucking time. The Stubborn game is so common I almost expect some stupid shit to go down  every time I need something from someone. It can really be a drag to depend on anyone in Tokyo. I am willing to bend a lot for people at times. Dammit when people start that `No. My Rules or you get nothing` shit it really makes it hard for me to be nice. I tried real hard to bend for this women. I was willing to pay for the coffee if would have simply gave me a to-go cup. Hell, I was planning on buying a little sandwich to take with me. The bitch just had to be stubborn as hell and place unreasonable demands on the situation. She was hell bent on milking the situation for all it was worth. She was not going to give me an inch. I could also be an unreasonable asshole all the time but I try really hard not to be. Yet, these days I got a much more well defined line and I just cannot let people cross me so damn much.