Always a Fighter

Howdy Y`all! Yeah, it has been a while but I think it is time to return to this blog of mine and express somethings again. Let`s talk about the fighting spirit. Now, I was born into a situation in which you either had to fight or you sank to the bottom the and died with a boot pressed against your face. That was the way it was and you know what...few things have really changed.

Yeah, I have escaped the mountains of West Virginia in the material sense but those mountains go with me no matter where I find myself. I still find myself being looked down on, written off and treated as if I am simply not good enough. While I have had my highs and lows in Tokyo, much of it has been expressed in this twisted blog, here I am still struggling and still fighting. It is a cruse and a gift to come from such a screwed up background as mine.

Yet, during my journeys across this mud ball called earth, I find others who also have that odd never ending fighting spirit. It clicks in their head that I am the same as them. They find kinship with me and seem to desire to fight with me instead of fighting against me. The under dogs, the forgotten, the unwanted all `get me` so to speak. It always surprises me when I see that spark in someone`s eyes and they brighten up from the most simple act of kindness or very human way I seem to go about interacting with people. It seems very true that birds of a feather will always flocks together.


So, what do to with all that energy that collects in a single space and time?

Well, we are all struggling and we all seems to keep getting a boot to the face despite our best efforts.

We can do something but we must get our shit together. The problem I see it that far too often we allow all the heavy weight of trying to fight it out wear down on us and we get sloppy. Too much drink, too much anger, too much self hate turns us into men who waste that fighting spirit inside of us. Those who keep a boot in our face can clearly see our weaknesses and they take full advantage of it. We must be ready for battle everyday. We have to lean on each other and when one of us starts to slip, we must slap him around and straighten him out. Everyone needs a kick in the ass sometimes but it must be done with a feeling of compassion instead of a feeling of venting anger.


None of us have to fight alone anymore. We can fight with others besides us. So fuck those who want something to get something in return. Fuck those who seek to use us for their own benefit. Let`s create our own, much better way, of doing things. Hard work...love...and standing by each other is what it is all about.

NICE: That Damn HillBilly

At first it appeared this would be an easy case. From the moment he was born the job was already half finished. Really, how hard is it to break a dirt poor hillybilly born to a coal miner father and a simple yet loving mother? It is the classic case of `give him enough rope and wait.` Logic would dictate that such a low working class dirtball would take himself out for us. All of them find someway to totally screw up any chance of avoiding being put into their proper place. That is just how his kind are; you know? They are born that way. They are well adjusted to be the shit on the boot of society. All that is needed is to give them some manual labor job, cheap beer, drugs and all the low level vice they can handle and just wait for them to flush themselves down the toilet.

But sometimes that does not work. Sometimes, only a few of them mind you, wise up to their given class status and desire a little more out of life. For those types we go ahead and put them though the system and see how long it takes for them to either give up or totally implode. Usually it takes a couple of years before the desired result is achieved. By that time, they have already developed some behavior habits which will bring about their down fall in short order. Be it women, drugs, mental disorder or anger issues...something will break them.

Yet, sometimes they survive the first round of University study, debt, social integration and dealing with the stress of being placed in an environment with people not of their class. These are the stubborn ones who actually think they are going to make something of themselves. So at that point, it becomes proper to play hardball and take off the kid cloves. He wants to run with the big dogs then so be it. Lay it on him thick without the usual learning curve afforded to those of proper class and birth right. Little dirty redneck thinks he is going to show us up? Damn him and damn anyone who helps him. That bastard of society was not supposed to make it this far. The worst part is that he decided to bit the hand that feeds him.  How dare he demand we show him respect and hand over even a pinch of the power we are entitled to according to our class. If it was not for our mercy he would be on the street selling drugs and being a leach on society.

What do we do with this little man of low class and no honor?

He could kill him. No...that would be too troublesome and require too much effort. He could just take everything away from him which he told near and dear to his heart. No...he might react in a totally insane manner and cause enough damage to have a long lasting effect. We have already made the mistake of educating him on the ways and means of the system. He knows how to create a lot of chaos; the kind of chaos we would rather avoid. Despite the fact that we cannot kill him nor take away what is dear to him, we cannot continue to allow him to freely do as he pleases. That situation is simply not acceptable. He is like a little virus which will just not go off some place and die peacefully. An infection, while not life threatening, still poses a constant threat of costing some of us a few fingers and toes. Yes! Something must be done.

Considering the usual means of dealing with such a man are not practical nor fitting, a little keenness is needed. Remember, he is in the system. A system we created and maintain. It may be best to keep him in the system. Everything is so well structured and in control that a little dirty virus or slight infection is not enough to bring down the entire house of cards. Ah! I got it! Let`s ignore him! Yes! We just not draw attention to him. Do not let others know about him. Let him create all the chaos he wants. It does not matter because he is, after all, one man. Just one little man from low class with no hope of ever reaching the level of inspiring the masses.

He is just one man...right? 

The Redneck Knows Whats up! Asshole!

Howdy! It is me again. Everyone`s favorite gaijin rebel. Once again I take to writing on this little blog of mine to express things which are often not expressed when it comes to the topic of Japan. I know, some of you really fucking hate me. Some people out there even think that I am a dumb ass hillybilly without a clue. I am okay with such thinking these days because I am much stronger then when I first started writing this blog. For example, take a look at that picture there. Yeah, that is me. I must have been about 24 in this picture. It was taken in Vegas of all places. I was trying to look good for the lady. She was special to me, and still is, a big part of my life. In those days I was a rebel with no direction nor purpose. I hated the way things were but had no clear idea as to how to change things. All I knew was that I did not like the ways things were. I could feel it in my heart but had no way to clearly express the major problems I saw daily. So...what did I do? Well, I rebelled in every way I could.

I hated the massive amount of racism which surrounded me. So, I decided to refuse to date white women as a rejection of the thinking that white women were better than non-white gals. In fact, my best emotional and sexual experiences have been with non-white women. Taste the world boys, and you will never go back to white gals. I hated how everyone focused on money all the time. So, I started to barter with my friends and avoid exchanging money as much as I could. I offered `other` services in exchange for a bit of `the good life.` The power of the cult of personality became very clear to me at a very early age. If people `like you` you would be surprised what they will do for you in exchange for your time or company. If you can make people feel good either with your ideas or charm, they will give you all the `gold` you could ever want. It still amazes me how I can get people to do things for me just because they `like me.` Yet, all is not perfect in Never Never Land.

Something happened which I did not expect....I got older and my mind aged with my body.

Wisdom is a gift and a curse. I am sure it happened as I left my 20`s. I had spend the majority of my 20`s rebelling against the things I did not like at random. I had no clear plan nor direction. I reacted very naturally without fear of punishment or social backlash. In my late 20`s I got my first taste of hardcore establishment at the highest levels. Think about it, rebellious guy in his late 20`s given total control of an entire area of a company. I was given free reign to do as I wished as long as nothing went wrong. I thought I had achieved exactly what I wanted; having the power to change things from the inside out. Damn...was I wrong.

It did not take long for me to see that something was not as it seemed. I was told to do as I see fit but I also noticed that I got blamed for many things which I had nothing to do with. At first, I brushed it off as assholes being assholes...but that was my biggest mistake. You see, in the corporate world assholes run the show. There are no good people in management so you can get a good picture as to my situation. Shit really does flow in one direction...straight fucking down hill! If one of those assholes could blame me for something, they would do so gladly. So, in my rebellious nature I decided to fight. Little did I know that assholes always play dirty. I underestimated the slimy level assholes will go in order to save their own ass. I was shocked and beside myself by what I witnessed go down. They tried to set everyone up. It made me sick to my stomach and gave me nightmares for months! Yet, I survived it all and came out of it pretty clean. I did lose my so-called title but I did not care about that so much in the first place. I will never forget that experience for as long as I live because it was a turning point on my life. I finally realized what the problem was...greed hate and ego.

It all really comes down to these things; greed, hate and ego.

When I was a little bit younger, I did not realize the driving forces I was playing on to get the things I wanted. Now, I am fully aware, at the age of 32, exactly what drives men and women of power. Give them a chance to make more money; they will love you. Give them a change to take revenge on those they see as a threat; they will love you. Give them a regular boost to their ego; they will consider you as a half god. Yet, the moment you challenge the establishment or do something which puts their power in question, they will come at you with all the rage of hell. It is still shocking for me to see someone change so quickly in regards to their attitude towards me. I have seen men and women go from worshiping the ground I walk on to cursing the same ground to the fires of hell. If I do not make them money, help them destroy others or feed their ego, I must be against them. This is the mind set we, the common people, are dealing with. And in Tokyo, the seat of the national government, greed hate and ego rules over everything.

If you dig deep enough in this blog, you will read about my struggle to understand the darkness which surrounds me. It is a pretty interesting story to say the least. A mountain boy comes to the big bad city of Tokyo. He is amazed by all that he sees. People seem to `like` him. Then once his natural since of justice is exposed, the darkness comes to destroy him. Yet, the hate greed and ego did not destroy me. I am still here and standing taller than before. These days, I am fully aware of whats up and I do not approve. I could easily run but I don`t like the easy way. I would rather stand and fight. You would be surprised by how many good people there actually are in Tokyo. The problem is that they are scared of what is to come. Japan is damn near on the verge of revolution and many people are scared of such things. They don`t know if they should go for it or sit on the fence and wait it out. That is where my foreignness comes into play. If they see that I can break the so-called rules, speak my mind openly and live a life with meaning, well who knows what might happen. 

Until You See It For Yourself....Japanese ARE Trying to have Democracy

Japan has never been an easy place to understand. That may be a major understatement, but it is important to remind ourselves of that fact from time to time. If you have not noticed, Japan is unique even in Asia. Attempts at democracy are not the norm in Asia. Most of Asia has been, and still is, under the control of some form of directorship or fascist government often pretending to be socialist or communist. The closest thing to socialism any nation in Asia has would be Vietnam. Yet, even in Vietnam the process has had setbacks. Yet, here in Japan the people have been giving democracy the "old college try" since the post war days.

I know...we see all the massive corruption, lies, gang connections and total disconnect the government of Japan displays on a daily basis and we think to ourselves; "There is no democracy in this nation." That is easy enough to think and say. It is easy to see things that way because most people do not see the people of Japan fight for their rights and stand up for democracy. So many foreigners see the Japanese as meek defeated people who have decided to lay down and take it up the ass from their government. If you see the Japanese in such a manner, then it is very clear that you have not been paying attention.

I often wonder these days what is it everyone expects from the Japanese people on a daily basis. Do people want them to be loud, rude, direct and generally hostile to everyone they meet? I have done plenty of that in my life and I know the results of such a lifestyle. American style of rebellion is not the same as Japanese rebellion. Yes! Japan has a different culture and different history! They don't go about their daily lives in the same manner at people in the west do. Yeah, a lot of them want to scream and shout at all the ugly they see everyday. I am sure under all that sternness and seriousness there is a wild rebel begging to come out. Most Japanese have been brainwashed. You MUST understand that! It took me a long time to understand that fact. Until I did realize there has been some major brainwashing which has went down in this nation, I used to think Japanese are meek people as well.

But...times they are a changing...


An every growing number of Japanese people are getting pissed the fuck off. So angry in fact that can can no longer hold their peace about it. I know this because I have been right there with them. Do you wanna see what I am talking about? Here take a look and tell me what you think.







So that is what I have seen. Yes! I am the one filming and uploading those videos you may or may not have seen before. Times they are a changing in Japan. These people are not meek nor are they defeated. It just took them a long time, and the right major event to happen, to help them to get pissed off enough to take to the street and demand democracy work in their favor.

An Asshole Ghost in Tokyo

 It was bound to happen sooner or later. Hell, how long can an American live so detached and removed from all the Monday Night Football, Hot Dogs, guns, apple pie, rebellion, lame beer, arrogance, nationalist pride and raw aggression before something starts to change. Yeah, I have been to some pretty twisted places in my mind during my life in Tokyo so far. I started out as a hillbilly who was just happy to not be in the United States to something all together different. My path though Tokyo has led to places in my mind I thought did not exist. I have been damn near all the way to the bottom of hell in ones own mind during my time in this city. I have pretty much seen the beauty and the darkness of Tokyo and it has taken my mind right along for the ride. Yet, I have been able to notice something about me which I did not notice before. I am a bit less American than I once was.

Don't misunderstand me dammit! I am not turning Japanese or any lame crap like that at all. It is more of a change of perspective. If you dig deep enough in this blog of mine, you will find all the little pieces of this journey in all it's silliness, madness and illogical glory. It has took a lot for me to reach the point I am at now. There are post buried deep in this blog in which I go on and on about temples, food and little places I liked. You will also find angry rants on things which drove me mad. There are also a few post in which I express my loneliness while being stuck at a internet cafe for a night(I went though a period of sleeping in internet cafes just to escape from everything). There are drunken rants along with drunken tales. I even got a post or two about having a damn mental break down. I tried to stop smoking a few times, which ended in failure and promises to myself to stop drinking heavily.  I have wrote about teaching English and some of my theories about it. All of those things have led up to the point I am at now.

Not Anti-American; Not Non-American; Not Un-American but....less American.

Asia has changed me. I have learned that the soft American lifestyle, which many Americans still enjoy despite all the unemployment and desperation they are facing, is something truly odd in the world at large. The idea that someone can be without a job for years on end and still have enough to eat and a decent chance at not ending up homeless is very strange concept indeed. It is only in America that someone can be morbidly obese yet still demand and expect it to be, not only acceptable, but discrimination if someone calls them out on it. To call someone a fat ass in America is damn near a sin from what I have learned. In fact, to expect someone to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and at least try in life is also becoming a sin. Now, I understand all about class struggle and how this effects a person's upward mobility. I am not talking about class struggle here. I am talking about the unique American ability to simply declare, "I don't care about anything but my own feelings toward anything. I like living in a bubble because the government, and society, must take care of me no matter what I do." This whole idea of "failure does not matter" and "everyone must accept me no matter what I do to myself" can only be found in such a nation as America. I used to think the exact same way because after all...I am a child of America.

Yet, these days I am less of an American than I used to be.

It is no secret that I grew up pretty damn rough. I know hunger and I know what it is like to fight to survive. But, even in my worst days in America, my life was far easier than the working poor in China or Vietnam or for that matter Japan. When you are poor in most parts of the world, you are really fucking poor. You really don't have shit! At least in America, I did have some food to eat. Bless the goodness of Regan cheese and Regan powdered milk. At least I had people around me who could provide me with some happiness. My parents were damn poor but there were others around who had enough money to give a little taste of what other kids had. I stole things just to take care of myself, but to some poor kid in China, my idea of stealing would make him laugh. Hell, you never see the kids that hang out in Yokohama? They are some rough bastards to say the least. I have seen those little fuckers fight over damn near nothing. Those same kids usually live in an apartment the size of a McDonald's deep freeze; and most likely just as cold in the winter. For fuck's sake, a guy in Vietnam came up to me with no arms asking me if I wanted to buy a book about the Vietnam war! After seeing and experiencing things like that, I have become less American.

Yes! It has become harder for me to accept people who are big as a Hummer screaming about how everyone should cut them a break. I have lost some of my ability to understand someone who leaves a comfortable life, with a decent place to live and a decently stable job yell about "my rights! my rights! Everyone is a fucking racist!" When I hear someone complain about how much society sucks and they hate it all, but do damn little other than bitch and point the finger without working towards making the situation better, are sad in my mind. Those who do little to add or enhance society demanding to be handed to keys to the kingdom all the damn time! What the fuck is wrong with you people? Really!? You want everything society has to offer without getting involved in society. You want to just walk into a perfect situation without having to earn your metal. That type of attitude and behavior has made me less American.

Yet, with all that said, I was not feeling this way them I first came to Japan. Yes, I bitched a lot and failed to understand some of the things which were going on around me.  Yet, the longer I lived in Japan, and traveled around the world a bit more, I started to see that the American way of life truly breeds weakness and arrogance. I feel that at this point the weakness of arrogance has all but been beat out of me. Yes, I am still human and have my moments when I cry, doubt myself and feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Yet, now I have developed a distaste for those who have it all and still complain that they are not shitting pure gold.

Less American? Yes! Un-American? No!

Microaggression In Japan: Jealous and Spiteful Japanese Reactionaries

It is only a problem when we do it; right?

Howdy Y'all! It happened again it seems. Life, and other things, pulled me away from this blog. Yet, everyone's favorite gaijin hillbilly is back again. I have more things I want to talk about with y'all again. More things to share and more ideas to express. Make sure to read this and this before going forward to understand what I am about to bring up.

I hope you are ready because...here...we...go.


Anyone with a clue, and sadly there are not many, realize there is a major double standard here in Japan when it comes to us gaijin and Japanese folk. Just take a look at the pic to your left. I am sure that while Japanese men can be horny wolves who chase anything with a pussy, when gaijin men do the exact same thing we are the bad guys.  I have seen so many J-dudes treat women like shit yet these same men get pissed off when a gaijin man even raises his voice to a women in public. Truth be known, a lot of J-dudes don't help their lady friend out so much. Of course, I have talked to a hell of a lot of J-dudes during my time in Japan so far. When the topic of 'helping yo lady' comes up there are common responses such as, 'I don't cook, that is women's work, I don't know how to clean my own clothes, that is for women to do, It is better that women never give their opinion, Men make money, women serve men etc...' Yet, you dare let one of us gaijin mutter any negative opinion toward Japanese women and suddenly we are the lowest form of shit in the universe. I do not hold any of the attitudes or opinions about the opposite sex mentioned in the above sentences, but that does not matter to the average Japanese. It seems that because I am gaijin, I must clearly be a rapist and a women beater no matter what the truth may be. After many years of dealing with this double standard, it seems clear to me that the Japanese mindset is such that they can be dirty slime balls as much as they want but gaijin are expected to be the highest form of human perfection. It seems the agenda is to make it so hard to adjust to life in Japan that we will give up and 'go home.'

Although, the method to attempt to force us to 'give up and go home' is a complex one indeed. This is were microaggression comes into play.

I look at microaggression in Japan the same way as a dog and a bowel of food. Y'all ever see a dog guard his bowel of food when he is not really hungry? Y'all know, the little bastard does not want the food but he will be dammed if anyone touches it. Microaggression in Japan is very similar to a dog who wants to keep everyone away from a bowl of food he does not want in the first place. Gaijin are expected to be perfect because, in my mind, they want us to be what they are unable to be. They want to hold us up to a standard which most humans simply cannot live up to everyday. Even if you are somehow able to live up to even a fraction of that fantasy standard, be damned if we turn right around and expect them to live up to the same standard. That is when the mircoaggression starts.

It goes like this: "We Japanese hate ourselves and our nation. We know we are fucked up and treat you gaijin like shit. Yet, we like being fucked up because it gives us an excuse to blame you for not being as fucked up as us. So, we will guard our bowel of food with the up most aggression, not because we actually like the food, but because as long as we are fucked up and expect you to be perfect you can never get one over on us. We really don't want to live this way but it is better for everyone involved. After all, you are a gaijin, and as we all know, you have a natural advantage over us as being able to move in and out of our society as you please. Fuck you gaijin! Fuck you because due to your sense of liberty and equality people like you and don't like us. So, we must force you to be perfect and pure. As long as we can force you to try to be perfect and pure, we can fuck you over and get away with it. Your forced perfection makes it easier for us to fuck you over as we see fit. If you are actually able to live up to the standard we place on you...well this is Japan so we will turn around and expect you to be just as fucked up as us. As soon as you live up to one standard, we will change the rules and expect you to suddenly live up to a totally new standard which we will create out of thin air. Don't like it? You can always go back to the dirty liberal nation from which you came."

That is the core of microaggression in Japan.


I know, it may be hard to believe me. Fair enough. Due to the cute fucking image of Japan that westerns suck up like scarface on a coke binge, the reality of living in Japan...I mean really living in Japan, is often covered up by images of Shibuya hoes, High school Harajuku shallowness and old beat up temples. That is only the surface of Japan and not the real deal. So, what is it like to deal with mircoaggression? Please allow me to explain.

It usually starts with a look. They look at you with this kind of asshole smile usually followed by some under the belt shot at you verbally. I have pretty much heard it all,"Why do you speak English in Japan?, You don't really use chopsticks correctly; you know?, English is a noisy language, When are you going back to your country?,  Gaijin stink! Take a bath!, Japanese are peaceful people so we don't understand why gaijin are so violent?, You gaijin have too many opinions, Why don't you just do it our way?, Japan is a safe country unlike America were people kill each other for fun, We are farmers and you are hunters so you are violent and we are not, Gaijin all look the same, Why is your noise pointed?, Japanese girls only like you because you have a big dick, and my all time favorite: We lost the war so we have to give you fucking Gaijin visa to come and teach English and fuck stupid Japanese girls." All of these things have actually been said to my face here in Japan.

The above quotes are a perfect example of microaggression in Japan. They seem to have a hard time with holding us up to a fantasy standard, which if we actually live up to, pisses them off beyond belief. It makes me think that a lot of Japanese really do think, deep in their hearts, that gaijin are everything they love and hate about humanity. They hate themselves so in turn they want another group to blame and hate so they will feel better about being uptight assholes who are on a mission to sink their nation to the bottom of the ocean. They cannot admit that they really like us and our way of thinking. If they fully admit they like us then they must also look at themselves and how fucked up they have allowed their society to become. It is simply too much for the average Japanese to do so they often choose to be a nasty little cunt with an ego the size of Mt. Fuji. It makes them feel good to take a shot at a Gaijin.

...And that is microaggression in Japan. If you live here and cannot understand this daily bullshit then you are truly brain dead or brainwashed by the Japanese corp. machine.


And might I add...

There are still many really cool people here in Japan. I have seen things here which also inspire me and uplift me. Not everyone here fits the picture I have just painted. It is just that this post is a picture of a combination of several years living and working in Japan daily. There is a problem with racism and xenophobia in Japan. Still, Japan offers many things besides harsh realities of a semi-isolated society who have a distrust of foreigners.   

I'm a Bad Man: Japan! Don't Fight Drunk Hill Billies on the Train

Howdy Yall! It goes without saying that getting into a fight on any train in Tokyo is a very bad idea. Don't get me wrong, if you gotta fight...you gotta fight. Yet, if you can avoid it, it is best to not fight on the train. There are so many things that could go tragically wrong during a train fight. Hell, getting arrested should be the least of your concerns. Remember, most trains in Tokyo are crowded pretty much at all hours they are running. Only early as hell in the morning, i.e. the first trains, and around 2:00 pm they can be a little lean. Although, the chances that you are going to get into a fight on the first morning train, or just after mid-day, is slim to none. If some shit is going to go down, it is going to happen during the morning commute, the afternoon commute or when everyone is getting shit faced at night. When the train is crowed, a massive amount of bad business can go down. For starters, if you throw a punch and miss, you just might end up socking a women dead in the face. That is not going to end well for you. Secondly, your little fist fight could inspire others to join in the fun. A train car is not a bar. A wild wild west cluster fuck brawl only works in a bar or on the street. Inside of a packed train car, filled to the brim with pissed off over worked Japanese, will end up with a lot people seriously injured or maybe even killed. So yeah, a train fight has many unseen dangers.

Yet, there are still times when avoiding a train fight is easier said than done.

I have had three little 'conversations' on the train. I am not talking about the southern gentlemen polite kind of conversations either. For some reason there is lack of folks willing to dish out a ass kicking in Tokyo. This sad fact explains exactly why there is an over flow of loud mouth assholes who just don't know when to stop while they are ahead. Don't get me wrong, Tokyo is a hell of a town! Yet, with all the nice things Tokyo has to offer, it also brings with it a lot of spoiled fuckers who are so damn self absorbed they actually believe their shit smells like roses. Well, they believe their shit smells like roses, until of course, they meet me.

I am willing to put up with a lot of shit just to get from point A to point B in order to do something I actually like, which is teaching English, and to make some money so I can put food on the table.  The daily crap that goes down on the trains in Tokyo is enough to drive someone over the edge and straight into a murderous rampage. Don't worry yall, I have never killed anyone in Tokyo. Yet, when my buttons are pushed, in that extra special way that only a dickless spoiled Tokyo salary man can do, I will stand by ground.

Now, the first time I had any problems on the train was actually pretty early on in this whole 'living in Japan forever' business. I had finished work early that day and decided to take my gal out for a few drinks in Ikebukuro. We got on the damn Joban line. That train is known for having a lot of crazy fuckers on it daily. Still, I never expect for any crazy asshole to come floating my way.

As we all know, shit gets stupid when we least expect it.

So, I was chatting up my gal when suddenly crazy asshole decided to pay me a visit. Out of no where I heard someone say, 'Motherfucker shut your fucking mouth!' I turned around to see who the fuck was saying such uncalled for comments. Some guy, at least twice my size, was giving me the devil stare while calling me out. To be honest, I was shocked. What the hell did I do to deserve such a verbal attack? So...I ask as much: 'Dammit buddy. Are you okay?' The following exchange went down as such.

Crazy asshole: 'I will be okay when you shut the fuck up!'
Tokyo Ghost: 'Now look here...I don't know you and besides I was not even talking to you'
Crazy asshole: 'You just shut the fuck up before I fuck you up...white boy'
Tokyo Ghost: 'I think your mouth is writing checks your ass cannot cash, buddy'

He gets right in my face and goes for the stare down. I actually had to look up at him to engage in the stare down(yeah, he was bigger and taller than me). I think every Japanese on the train was scared shitless of what was unfolding. He wanted to fight me so bad he could taste it. All I could say was, 'If you wanna brawl on this damn train I will, but know that we will both go to jail for this stupid shit.' I guess he came to his senses because at the next station he got off the train and said, 'I will be watching you' Whatever the fuck that meant.

The second time crazy asshole found me on the train was one time when I was way too drunk to even be on the train. It was summer in Tokyo. Yall know what summers in Tokyo are like, right? It was a hot summer night and I wanted to have a few beers on the street with some drinking buddies. So, of course I got hammered like a jackass. I actually had to have my buddies help me to the station. I must have been a pretty sad sight. Yet, an evening of drunken gaijin hijinks was not over for me.

I was somehow able to get on the damn train just fine. The only problem was there were no empty seats. A drunkard needs a seat while on the train. Standing up on the train will only piss the drunkard off and cause him to lose whatever since of civility he had left.

And sure as shit someone had to fuck with me.

I called up my gal for a very special drunk dial. My plan was masterfully thought out. I called her up and started ranting on about fucking rabbits on the train. She thought it was damn funny, but some hardened fella standing across from me did not share in my humorous drunken madness.  I get a very hard tapping of a finger on my shoulder. When I turn around he shakes his finger at me and tries to take my phone. Drunk hill billy logic made quick order out of the situation: Man laid hands on me-man tried to steal from me-time to get some shit started! The Redneck came out of me so damn quick I am sure the guy damn near shit his pants. I totally lost my cool. I started shouting some mad crazy shit while I had him pinned up against the damn train door. I think it went something like this, 'Motherfucker! You laid hands on me! What the fuck...are you retarded? And you tried to rob me! Fuck you! You dirty little Jap bastard! I should kill your sneaky Jap bastard ass!' Before any of you give me shit for behaving in such a manner....I know that was really fucked up. I should have never said that shit to that guy nor should I have pinned him up against the train door. But....fuck him! He had it coming. It is always a bad idea to mess with a drunk hill billy on a train in a large metro area. Almost every human on the planet knows the above fact is very true except the Japanese it seems. Yet, don't worry because I honestly felt like a total prick the next day. That guy got the raw end of the deal simply because he was Japanese and did not understand how the outside world works at all. Did I feel bad about it? Yes. Should I have mercy in the future? I should but I will not. The only way to make Japan a stronger nation is to stop feeling sorry for them and always showing them mercy.

I should have learned my lesson after that little drunken explosion. Sadly, one more thrown down needed to take place before I realized it is highly advised to maintain your shit while on the train.

This one actually happened early last summer. My stress level had started to get out of hand during that time. None the less, it was still fun to thrown down a few cold ones with co-workers to blow off steam. This was also before it had finally sunk into my head to stop getting hammered drunk so much. I took one of my few trusted gaijin co-workers, along with two young gals who work in the company, out for a night of getting wasted. This was bad to start off with because I was the only one who did not have to work the next day. I should be better than to take my co-workers out and get them wasted all night knowing full well they have to work the next day. The hell with it! They are big boys and girls and know exactly what they are getting into. Anyway, it was a crazy drunken night and some things went down I would rather not repeat.

The really crazy part did not happen until day break.

I said farewell to my co-workers and hoped on the train. I was standing on the train half drunk, tired, wearing jackboots, boot cut jeans and a free Tibet T-shirt on. Yeah, I looked like a real class act. It was very clear that the best thing to do was leave me be. Yet, Japan would just not have it that way. Some fat ass middle aged salary man just had to be a prick at exactly the wrong time. The guy started snorting at me and saying 'drunk gaijin go home.' I was not in the mood to deal with that sort of thing at 6:30 am. I tried my best to brush him off but he started getting louder and louder. All I simply said was,'Nani?' His genius response,'You a drunkard. Go home.' We quickly started arguing about my legal status for living in Japan. It got heated pretty quick. I finally got tired of this racist B.S and told him to get up and do something or leave me the hell alone. And you know what? He actually got up and tried to do something about my gaijin ass living in his nation. Sadly, the damn guy had the fighting ability of a 16 year old J-girl. He started waving his arms around in an attempt to slap me. I started decking him in the face until he decided to sit the fuck down and chill out. After he sat back down, with blood coming from his mouth, he just kind of looked at each other with black heart stares. That little live action social warfare was something no one of that train expected to see before 7:00 am. Again, I scared the shit out of everyone on the train. The funny thing about the whole stunt was that he got off at the next station and everyone else acted like nothing happened. Japanese are always good for keeping a secret when you really need them to keep something on the down low.

After that last fucked up train action I swore to myself to not get into anymore shit on the train. Fighting on the train is not good and should always be considered unacceptable. Point blank: Don't do it! Just because I have done it does not mean everyone else should also do it. Although, it will forever be hard for me to shame anyone else for train fighting because my hill billy ass is guilty as sin.


There is only one positive thing about my days on the train fighting circuit: Japan has learned to never fight hill billies on the fucking crowded Tokyo trains.

We All Live in A Gaijin Bubble...And We All Hate Each Other For It!

Howdy Yall! I got your attention with the title of this post; didn't I? So recently, I mentioned the Gaijin Bubble in a post and it got some unexpected reactions. It seems few people like to be referred to as living in a Gaijin bubble in Japan. Apparently, the term 'gaijin bubble' is viewed as a negative term among my fellow gaijin. Yet, the truth of the matter is that almost all of us are living in a gaijin bubble. 

I am damn sure what caused the knee jerk reaction was the simple fact that I did not include myself as living in a gaijin bubble. I can understand that; really I can. Gaijin can have just as much of a tight net community as the Japanese can. If someone implies, 'I am not one of you,' of course a strong reaction might be coming. Well, I can assure you that was not my intention at all. In fact, if it is not clear enough by now, I am a fucking gaijin. I am most likely a classic example of a white bread trailer trash gaijin you will ever come across. Despite my best efforts, I still fail to be accepted as being a part of Japanese society. Yet, I still give it my best shot anyway. And this brings me to why I am writing this post. To my mind, all of us are living in a gaijin bubble due to two very key reasons. First, we are silently excluded from Japanese society. Secondly, due to the silent exclusion, we look to find kinship with other gaijin who are also excluded from Japanese society. And one of the things none of us will ever admit is that, deep down inside, we have a sort of hatred and love for each other. I know what some of you may be thinking, 'What the fuck is this hill billy from the mountains of West Virginia talking about?' Well, please allow me to explain in more detail.

Okay. First we need to get this whole silent exclusion thing explained. I know that a lot of us try damn hard to speak the language, learn the basic mannerisms, grow to love the food and all that jazz. Yet, you and I both know that we will always be viewed as gaijin. This is a cultural fact about Japan. It is something almost everyone knows about but few people will admit. So, maybe I am the first one to say this fact openly. Though, most Japanese don't want to be rude about it so they practice a silent exclusion as to avoid making gaijin feeling more awkward then we already do. In my experience, when you get too close to being a 'insider' as opposed to being an 'outsider,' Japan will back away from you and simply shut you out. This is the truth and most people know it.

Alright, we got the whole silent exclusion out of the way. Now, let's mention the kinship thing a bit.

It is only natural for someone to seek out kinship when they are being marginalized. You want to buddy up with people who are going though the same struggle as you. This is natural and healthy. In fact, it is very important part of living in Japan as a gaijin. You must have at least a few buddies who will not drive you insane. I have my little gang of gaijin buddies I run with and I am sure most of us do as well. I also have a little gang of Japanese buddies I run with, but of course it is not the same(we call ourselves the dirty Adachi gang just for kicks). Rolling with each group is a very different experience. When I am with my gaijin buddies the kinship is so clear that it seems as if we have known each other from birth. Yet, at the same time there is an unspoken level of aggression which could turn ugly at any moment. Some of you may have seen me interacting with one or two of my gaijin buddies and the aggression must be funny and scary at the same time. That is were the hate factor comes into play.

Oh yeah! Gaijin do in fact hate each other to a certain extent. It is very rarely talked about but it is there all the same. There is a feeling among many gaijin, myself included, that we must never take a shot at each other for any given reason. Even when we fuck each other over, it seems that if we air that shit out in the open it is considered the ultimate of sins.  Everyone's ego and pride must be protected like a 16 year old's masturbation habit.  Don't believe me, try it for yourself. Call someone out on their shit and you will witness a fire breathing dragon of hate which will rival the likes of even this guy. So yeah, there is always an unspoken level of hate and aggression just under the surface of most gaijin kinship.All that said, I do have a few buddies who I don't feel any aggression toward. I can only think of one or two.

Alright, now that I have explained what I mean by a 'gaijin bubble' in great detail, I hope you found this post very interesting. I am a very social person so maybe I notice these more than other people. I have been guilty of everything in this post at least once. At the same time, I don't like most of the things I mentioned in this post; this post is simply what I have experienced. I am sure the comments section of this post might get a little hot, but that is alright by me because somethings need to be talked about openly. Let's make the most of this opportunity to discuss a few things we don't normally get the chance to talk about. Maybe you see things a bit differently, so please express yourself. And remember, I love you all very deeply.

The High End of Low In Tokyo

Howdy Yall! To be honest, I have been thinking for a while as to how exactly to write this post. I really do not want to be misunderstood. It is not easy to write about living wages because I am aware that there are many reasons which could be given to refuse to provide a living wage for workers. Yet, I think it is time for me to write about this.
  Ya know, it is no secret that being a foreign English teacher in Japan means dealing with being kicked around and exploited. You really have to develop a certain love for teaching English in order to hang in there. It is very hard to get a job teaching English which provides a living wage. For some reason a lot of companies feel that teachers do not deserve to have a living wage. I do not understand this kind of thinking but it is the sad truth. It seems only logical to me that when workers are given a living wage they should be more motivated to try their best. It also seems natural to me that giving workers a living wage cuts down on problems from within any given company. I assume that such logic would be the natural thinking of most people; but as we all know this is not true. Yet, we must still deal with this situation and attempt to make the best if it.

Working out a deal to get something close to a living wage or at least a situation which is somewhat stable is the key. Of course, most of us care deeply about our jobs. To say that we don't is nothing more than an attempt to kick us around a bit. Yet, it is important to come to an understanding which works for both sides(the teacher and the company). The way to go about this depends on the nature of the company you are working for. If you work for a company which is a bit open then a friendly chat about a few issues should produce some results. Although, if you work for a more closed company with clandestine inner workings, it will take some more hard bargaining to reach some kind of understanding.

Let's assume we are dealing with a more clandestine situation. You should expect that there will be a few reasons for knocking you down or not giving you some of the things you want. Some of those reason will be valid and you will have to explain those things. Yet, most of the reasons will be trumped up charges; which you will also have to explain why those reasons, with respect of course, are not serious reasons to kick you down. The most important thing is to remember that you want to work for said company. What you want is to simply get a decent deal and not be fucked over.

Depending on the kind of personalities you are dealing with, you may have to be a bit stern. You got to be careful about being stern because ego and pride is an easy thing to offend. I know no one wants to feed someone's ego so it is best to simply speak very honest and on a human level. It takes a real fucker to not understand you if you are being honest and very human.

As for me, my goal is always the same. I just want to have something of a living wage in order to provide food on the table for my wife. It would be nice to be able to come to work everyday with the understanding that I am in fact trying hard and can be spared all the useless politics that ruin the teaching experience. I really have fallen in love with teaching English in Japan. My passion for teaching should never have to come into question. I find it sad that politics seems to get in the way of what is important; teach English and make a decent living at the same time.

The high end of low is a hard thing to face when you have such simple goals in mind.

Accepting Japan before Japan Accepts Me

Howdy Yall! Before coming to Japan I really did not know much of anything about this island nation. All I knew was that they make damn good TV's, cars, porn and have a thing for hyper fast pop music. Now that I have been in Japan for several years, I know a whole lot more about this semi-closed society. In fact, I know more than I ever wished to know about Japan. I could write about a lot of different things about Japanese culture. I could spend my time writing about some of the crap I used to write about; temples food and stuff like that. I cannot do that anymore. It is much better for me to be real with all of yall. Being real has made this blog much more interesting and true to my experience in Japan.

With that said, one of the hardest things I have never had to do is accept Japan as it is in it's current form. As anyone who has lived here for a few years can tell you, Japanese don't accept outsiders very easily. Of course, they have gotten much more accepting since the end of WW2 but they still struggle with the realities of a growing multi-ethnic society. To say that a lot of Japanese are filled with Xenophobic fear is an understatement.  Many Japanese go far beyond any Xenophobic or racist tendencies. Sadly, there are many J-folk who will go to great lengths to marginalize you simply because you are not Japanese. So many people have attempted to explain, or make reason, of Japan's unique form of exclusion. My take on it is just as unique as Japan itself.

It seems clear to me that Japanese are trained from a very young age to exclude people from their daily life. They don't just do it to gaijin; they even do it to each other. Yeah, I have met my fair share of outgoing, half crazy, fun loving Japanese. Yet, on the other hand I have met even more Japanese who would prefer to jump in front of a fucking JR train at rush hour then deal with others head on. One of the great failures of Japanese culture is to develop proper social skills to be able to at least handle social situations on their own terms as an individual. Some of them have been able to learn social skills in order to at least handle themselves as an individual. Although, this is not normal and you should not expect it at all. So, the big challenge is how to accept an ethnic group which is unable to even accept themselves. Well, for an outgoing southern guy from American who says crazy shit when he drinks too much accepting Japanese culture has very funny results.

I use humor daily in order to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. I have leaned to laugh at the out of hand things a lot of Japanese do to marginalize damn near everyone around them. Most of the insane things a lot of them do to avoid standing on their own as an individual deserves a poke from me from time to time. I just cannot help myself at times yall. If I don't rattle their cage at the right moment, I will seriously loose my shit. Let me give you a few funny examples of how I have learned to accept Japan.

The salary man who burns a whole though my head on the train.

This guy is epic. He clearly has something to say to me. It might be because he wants to make a new friend or he wants to get some shit started. I don't know why he is staring me down but it is not okay to stare at someone like that without saying something. He must be thinking he can get away with it because he is surrounded by other Japanese. Usually I just let it go because I don't want any trouble on the damn train. Yet, from time to time I decide to play a little game. I call it the 'motherfucker do I look funny to you game.' What I do is start making funny faces at the guy. The same kind of funny faces that little kids make at each other. Throws the guy off his game every time.  The funny part comes when he starts looking around trying to make eye contact with another Japanese so he can get them to look at me. His goal is to get them to look at me so he can create the image that I am a crazy gaijin and he did nothing wrong. I win this game every time because if he does get another Japanese to stare at me I make funny faces at them too.

Howdy! Let's be friends you racist bastard

From time to time I get a wild one of my hands. He has the support of a given group because he has gotten control over the group's thinking. I am just trying to be an open friendly American. He don't like that because he fears losing control over the group; as if I give a fuck about who controls what. So, he starts talking shit about English teachers and how fucked up and useless gaijin are to Japan. I know he is full of fear simply because I am not Japanese and he wants to maintain his ego trip. I say the same thing almost every time, 'You are a fucking racist buddy. I will go back to my native nation and tell everyone what a gang of fucked up backward racist Japanese people are.' That fucks with his head big time. The group usually laughs their ass off at him because the one thing that crushes most Japanese is to be laughed at by the group over something a gaijin said about them. Usually the guy gets a look on his face like he wants to kill me; but of course he doesn't do shit but turn his back on me and pretend I am a ghost(which partly explains the title of this blog).


Let's get to the point already!

Okay. I must admit this one is a bit brutal. I only reserve it as a last resort. One of my Japanese brothers and sisters deems it fit to attack me because they feel it will further their agenda. My non-Japanese status makes me look like an easy target. So, with the support of a group of course, they attempt to lay into me. Sadly, because they are so full of fear they are unable to attack me directly they speak in such a round about way that they are unable to really go after me. So, I simply ask the most direct question I can think of at the moment. Man, it really throws them for a loop. After that they usually back off a bit and start to deal with me on a more human level. I don't like doing that to them but sometimes I simply have to in order to snap them out of their trip.


So yeah, I have learned to use humor to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. One day I am sure Japan will be okay with me and we will not have to have these odd funny run ins with each other. Hell, Japan has already given me permanent residence. It is only a matter of time before Japan learns to love me just the way I am.

2011: A year of Self Discovery in a Nation Brought to It's Knees

Howdy Y'all! it has been a while since I have wrote to all of you. I took over a month off from this blog of mine. I decided that before I scribble down anymore digital rambles, I needed to sort out a few things. I wanted a bit of time to reflect and focus on a few other items of interest. To speak the dirty truth, I actually have been writing my hill billy ass off just not here in this blog. I have been writing a few more articles for America20xy.com. You can check out the site by clicking on the link provided. I have also been working on a collection of ten short fiction stories based on the underbelly of social issues in Japan. The stories will fit into the pulp genre of writing. I hope to have them all finished by the end of January; self publish sometime after that. I have also been keeping up with making Youtube vids, but I think I need to rethink the way I am doing those vids. Check out my channel by clicking here.

Although, this blog post is much more than me simply giving an update on my writing. As y'all know 2011 has been one hell of a year for me. For starters, this blog took a much more raw edge compared to years past. I have held very little back this year and choose instead to present a more real and raw experience of my life in Tokyo. What I did not realize when I started to write more raw was that 2011 would be a major year of self discovery for me. After years pushing certain mental weaknesses into the deep dark spaces of my mind, everything found a way to come to the surface in bombastic fashion. I have spend the majority of this year working out a lot of things about myself. Y'all have been witness to some of my struggle by reading this blog. Yet, it is time for me to reflect a bit.

I am damn sure that my mental health came into question after the massive earthquake hit Japan earlier this year. I, along with most humans living on this island, have never experienced something on the same magnitude as what has happened in Japan this year. After a massive earthquake, deadly tsunami and multi nuclear power core meltdowns a lot of gaijin bailed on Japan. I can really understand why so many people left; but I stayed because my life is in Japan. Also, when you think about it the Japanese don't have the option to leave Japan. So, it has been interesting to stay in Japan with people who have no option but to stay. Although, staying here, and dealing with the stress of the situation, caused something to snap some place deep in my mind. I think it took about two months after the quake for me to start having cracks in the armor. It started with anger. I found myself really fucking pissed off almost everyday. It got to the point in which I could not go one day without getting angry as a bull.

I guess it came from the cold blooded nature of a lot of people I interacted with after the quake. People I had known for years for saying some of the most asshole cold blooded shit I had ever heard. I remember one thing which was really over the top. I asked a co-worker of mine at the time if he thought it was wrong that our company was firing and/or threatening to fire people for leaving Japan for a week or two after the quake. His answer was the most heartless thing I had never heard. He said, 'They signed a deal to work. They are not following policy by suddenly taking time off work so they deserve to be fired. Fuck them!' It took everything inside of me not to slap the taste out of his mouth. I dealt with a lot of assholes during the first few weeks after the quake. People were being so fucked up, more than usual in Tokyo, that it was maddening to say the least. The news reports I was writing at the time also brought me a fair share of shit from people I never expected. I had one 'trusted friend' who attacked me for reporting the the nuclear cores at Fukushima has melted down. He pretty much told me that I was a liar and stupid for reporting such a thing. Oh yeah, that was a wonderful thing to hear from a friend. It seemed that every heartless asshole in Tokyo was floating though my life at that time. It was as if I had became a magnet for fucked up folks. People were operating way over their stress level and viewed me as a rock solid hill billy you could handle anything thrown at him. Well, the truth is that I also have a limit for how much stress and bullshit I can handle before I break.

The anger wore off after a lot of insane attempts to purge it from myself. I was left with P.T.S. and a slew of other things which had boiled to the surface.  In order to deal with the massive conflict my mind split a bit. Let me tell y'all that I was told by a doctor years ago that was bi-polar. I was even on meds for it when I was younger. Although, I was under the impression that had it under control. This summer I was proven wrong because my Bi-polar reared it's ugly head at exactly the wrong time in my life. Suffering from Bi-polar can really fucking suck at times. For the entire summer of 2011 I was caught in what is known as cycling. People who are bi-polar, simply put, have two extreme sides to their personality. It is the same person but with two very distinct emotional view points. Bi-ploar is very different from split personality. People who suffer from split personality have to very distinct personalities which they cannot control on their own. With that said, cycling is a state in which a bi-polar person switches from one polar extreme to the other at random. It is really painful mentally. When I am cycling, sleep is very hard to come by and I have trouble understanding other folks perspectives. The only positive to it is that I become highly creative and my mind operates really fast. So, you can image what four months of cycling must be like.

I did a lot of crazy shit during the summer of 2011 in Tokyo, Japan. A lot of it I did not mention on this blog because I did not really understand why I was doing those things. I mean damn, I got into bar fights, heated arguments, drank like a fish, slept on the streets several times and spent a lot of my time diving head first into the dark parts of Tokyo. I was totally out of control. Yet, the entire time I was trying to control it all. I had so many conversations with myself in which I would talk things out. It scared me a bit because I was having full conversations with myself on a regular basis. A lot of twisted sick ideas went though my head so I had to talk myself out of a lot of insane shit. It was not until Aug. that I finally sought out professional help. It has really help going to these sessions. I talk with a professional therapist, who speaks English, about once every two weeks. This person knows a lot about the human mind that I don't so I have been able to work out a lot of things.

The thing that I have learned that has really helped is that I must accept both sides of my bi-polar personality. A bi-polar personality will compete with itself. The mind will try to find a constant which causes conflict with a bi-polar personality. So, when I start cycling the best thing to do is to accept both emotional reactions and let my own logic sort out which response is natural and which one is a result of bi-polar. I know that sounds a bit nuts but it actually works for me. I can be a heavenly angel or a hard ass demon at a moments notice so I must give my mind time to sort out which emotion I am naturally feeling. It sounds really complex and requires a lot of concentration, but I have gotten it down to the point in which is only takes a few minutes to sort out. When people see me a bit quit or appearing to be a little uncomfortable is it because I am cycling and need a few minutes to sort it out. I think there are a lot of people around me these days who understand that and tend to let me be. It is a nice change of pace these days. When I am in a social setting with people who have known me for a while, they usually let me choose how pro active I wish to be. If I just wanna hang out and not say much, more people are willing to let me do so.

With all of that, I also realized that I needed to get the fuck away from Japan for a bit. Truth be told, as much I have come to love this island nation, there is a unforgiving attitude taken towards mental health in Japan. I was lucky to find a shrink who would see me; and speak fluent English. So, I did get the fuck out of Japan for a bit. I hauled my ass to Vietnam for a little while. I am aware of the clear irony of an American libertarian living in Tokyo going to Vietnam for a little holiday. I laughed about it myself over several bottles of wine in Ho Chi Mein with my travel partner. Yet, spending some time in Ho Chi Mein was damn good for me. Shockingly enough, Ho Chi Mein is a rather liberal city for a communist nation. In Tokyo, I have to really search sometimes to find a true open liberal(in the libertarian sense of the term) environment. In Ho Chi Mein I was able to walk down the street without people staring at me. Some people would even strike up a conversation with me and be generally friendly. I spent a lot of time getting myself back on track. Y'all can see the picture I included in this post; right? Well, that is me well balanced and thinking clearly. There was no nutty shit inside of my head. I was relaxed and in control.

The experienced allowed me to come to a new way of thinking. Chris from Confessions of a bad boy in Japan first brought this to my attention and I feel it makes perfect sense; 'I am not living in their world; they are living in mine.' Such a mind set finally hit me one night in Ho Chi Mein. I was in a five star hotel drinking a fine bottle of wine. I went out on to the balcony to enjoy the wonderfully warm night air. I saw all the chaos on the street. The road was a mess of chaotic coming and going of cars, trucks and motorbikes. I thought to myself; 'Look at all of those damn people. They are fucking off the traffic rules and driving the way which best matches the situation. They are pretty much interacting with other drivers on their own terms. For them, everyone is living in their world.' So, why not deal with everyone on my own terms? Japan is a nation which can break even the strongest person. The pressure to be a bottom feeding zombie is so great here that demanding others deal with you on your terms can be a very painful experience. Although, I don't have to play ball with any sorry ass social game. I love Japan, but I often find myself judging the social structure as really fucking childish. The whole idea that no one is allowed to stand out or be unique leads to a lot of childish behavior and jealously. I have seen a lot of Japanese freak the fuck out because someone had success doing something a little different. A lot of foreigners do the same shit. I don't have to play that shit with anyone. In fact, I have learned to laugh my ass off at such people. Yeah, it makes some people really angry when I laugh in their face but they had it coming.

Anyway, 2011 has been one hell of a year. I have been though a bit of hell and I am stronger for it. I am not out of the wood work just yet but I am doing a whole lot better. 2012 looks bright.

Tokyo Ghost:Reboot V2.0 Satanis OS

Before I sat down to write this post I had to really think about how I will express my state of mind. Yeah, I am suffering a mental breakdown. I can be honest and admit that fact. Some people have reached out and offered me support. One person, a guy I have known for years, actually sat down and had noodles and coffee with me recently. He let me talk about a lot of things and gave some advice. He had experienced the same thing I can going though so he could relate to the pain I am experiencing. He knows who is he and I am deeply thankful for this support. I also ended up calling an emergency outreach outline which provide help in English. There has been a massive outpouring of support from the internet. People have come out of the wood work to offer words of support and love. I am thankful to every person who has taken the time to give a damn about me. With that said, the long process of the total reboot is now under way.

I now understand I have a dark nature which I must admit to fully. For too long I have refused to admit to myself that there is a darkness which lives in me. Everyone has a certain amount of darkness in them but with me it is a little different. My darkness is like an alter-ego of sorts. It is kind of like a `super` version of myself which has been there for a long time. I think it started when I was a kid. I grew up very rough and my father was a hard drinking violent man who taught me to be tough as nails and fight for my very life. I still remember how he used to pick fist fights with me in order to `toughen me up.` I think it was that `kill or be killed attitude` which was the spark of my darkness. If it was not for my mother`s grace I would most likely be dead by now. That is the past; this is now.

Now I am a grown man living in Tokyo Japan. So far, I have lived my life with a rawness which would break most people...and yes I have finally broke. I have let this odd nature of mine become too much for my mind to handle. For years it lay hidden with only a select group of people able to clearly see that I had a major problem. All the stresses of living, not only in a foreign land, but also in a huge metro area has finally brought out the issues with my mental state to the surface. Almost out of no where my behavior became extreme and a bit dangerous. Even now I am struggling to get a handle on everything. Yet, I have established some ground rules.

I don`t like bars anymore. Yeah, I said it. Fuck all that boozing and general bullshit! It is actually not all the fun. Most people are drinking for the wrong reasons. Most people are out there to get drunk, laid or to pick a fight. All three of those things are not really a big interest in my life. Drinking does not help anything. If I want to have sex I don`t have to go very far to get it. Nothing good comes from fighting. So, what is the point of going to a bar? It really does not offer me much.

Most people are not worth my time and effort. They don`t care about me. I would rather focus on people who do care about me and people who I care and love than run around with a gang of sorry fucks who will not stand by me. I know a lot of people who always want to go out drinking with me but they never really spend any time with me. They don`t know me at all. Why am I giving these people any of my valuable time and energy? I really don`t need a lot of people in my life. Most people are just going to give me stress and use me. Fuck most people; seriously!

Choosing my battles. Yeah, this is a big one. Life is full of battles. Most of the drama is not worth my time. Of course I could spend my life going at it with every little shithead who makes my life harder than it should be but it is just not worth it. I prefer peace and love not war and hate. I am learning to accept that some people will cause static for me no matter what I do. I need to brush off people`s shit and move on. My happiness is too important to me to be bothered with constant drama.

Living life for myself. This is something I have not really done for many years. I did not realize it but I have been trying to make the world happy. What I have gotten in return is a massive amount of negative energy and abuse. It is sad to say but most people will use me if I try to please them. My life is about me and only me. I don`t have to make anyone happy if I choose not to do so. I deserve to be happy as well. My personal happiness and peace of mind should be number one. If someone cannot understand that then fuck their sorry ass!

So yeah, the new improved me will be a bit more satanic. I must be a bit more self-centered than I have never been before. Those who believe in me and show me true kindness and love will get the same return to them 200 percent. Everyone else can fuck off! That is the way it has to be in order for me to not go crazy. I have a darkness in me and I have to learn to live with it. It could actually be my advantage if I can learn to control the darker parts of my personality. In order for me to control it there must be some ground rules. I am having a mental breakdown because I was unable to accept who I am. Love or hate me; I will be me. Negative energy is not good for me. It only feeds the darkness inside of me. I think I can manage the natural levels of darkness in my personality as long as it is not fueled by all the shit which tears me down. I want to take in positive energy as much as I can. It feels better and it is good for me overall.

It will take time for me to fully repair my mind but at least now I have some ground rules. There are things which will no longer be acceptable for me anymore. If anyone tries to put negative energy in me, use and abuse me or pushes me to do things I am not okay with then they need to go far far away.

I`m Making Monsters for My Friends

It starts as soon as I wake up. The clock hammers my ears with the painful reminder that I must deal with yet another day of fighting off monsters created by the corp. machine of Japan. I look at the choices of suits hanging from the bedroon sliding door. Those damn suits...those fucking weapons of mass murder which kill part of me daily. They call me with the same death blow chants; `Hi bitch. Remember me? Yeah, come over here and offer up your body to the gods of greed and social murder.` My body moves but my mind refuses to play ball. I need chemicals in order to do this again. I fill my body with coffee and Lucky Strikes. No time for food; no time for you!

After a quick shit, shower and shave out the door I go. Another day of having a little Japanese dick rammed into my asshole for the benefit of some old fucker who lives on some remote tropical island. I bleed and he breeds. With each part that dies he, and his stripe, get fat from my blood sweat and tears. My madness is his pleaure. All of this and I have not even got on my first train yet.

At my home station I wait for the daily death ride to start. There are no smiles or the gentle warmth of the human experience. Only cold blank stares and hatred of the masses are to be found at the hangman`s waiting room. As the train arrives a  massive fight for a seat goes down. I get pushed punched and rib knocked as my fellow rogues attempt to stomp me into dust. I survive...this pisses everyone off. With each train I jump on, not into, the battle become more intense. They are out to get me I tell you! My death would provide entertainment for the masses of asses who long ago were beat into the slime of the earth. I am shit...but they are the slime crusted dicks and bitches who make our city the dark twisted place it is today. They would kill me if they thought they would get away with it. If they thought killing me would benefit them, I would surely be a dead man by sundown. Yet, somehow I make it to the school of no choice for the day.

I enter the so-called school and attain the title of exploited gaijin whore. Never am I considered a `real teacher.` At best, I can hope to be considered the gaijin with a brain. Real teachers must be Japanese and work in the systemtic shit hole known as the Japanese public school system. As long as I am everyone`s favorite monkey who makes students giggle all is well. Fuck that I say...I am actually going to attempt to teach something. Of course, the harder I try the more of an asshole I am in the eyes of elite fucks who have a golden Japanese dick in their ass. These gaijin pricks who long ago sold out consider me to be the `Black Sheep` in the company. Black Sheep I may be but sell out...EVER!

My clear resistence to the machine which produces brain dead shitheads does not pervent them from putting the weight of the world on my shoulders. Oh yeah! I am expected to save the company`s ass by using my magic to make a full house of students show up everyday. If my gaijin magic fails then I am a worthless pile of Korean dog shit. It is believed that gaijin have some magic power which can force students to show up and pay money. If that does not happen then clearly I am not using my magic and I am selfish. Come on gaijin! Use your magic and make us money. Don`t be selfish! We know you have magic powers. Yeah, fuck you too! In fact, fuck all of yall!

Yet, I do give credit where credit is due. `Hard Times` has been brought from the pages to real life. Damned if you do and damned if you don`t.

Yes...I`m making monsters for my friends.

Rumble In The Hood

There are times when you really have to throw off the chains of society and simply do the right thing. You should know by now that one of the main goals of any society is to control the population, for the purpose of, allowing the slime of the earth to get away with clearly oppressive and abusive actions. Few people will do anything about this sad fact because, in the back of their minds, they also want to do the exact same things. It is a vicious cycle.

I am here to say that: This shit is going to end..one way or the other.

I live in a part of Tokyo that the city has long given up on. Adachi-ku is not the bright happy image of Tokyo plastered on travel blogs, mass media and exported to the west. Yeah, Adachi-ku is a bad part of town. A lot of folks will say that Shinjuku is so `hard core.` There is money in Shinjuku. Also the central government of Tokyo and of the entire nation is in Shinjuku. It is yet another image the rulers of Tokyo like to promote. The Yakuza make money from the image of Shinjuku and the government saves face. The J-gov. can always say, `We are cracking down on the crime center!` when ever they needs votes. The places in Tokyo which really are in need of change get swept under the rug; Adachi-ku is one of those places.

So, after living in Adachi for several years I have come to realize that no one is going to even try to help these people. They have shitty education, very low economic growth, low housing standards and a police force which would rather arrest these people than actually help them. Most of the people living here are either blue collar or working under the table. The youth have no hope of escaping the shit which surrounds them,  It is going to take one ass whooping at a time to wake some folks up.

One ass whooping at a time...sounds like a good idea. It all started in early July 2011.

It was a hot day in Tokyo. So hot that the paint was peeling off the walls. Not even my fucked up neighbor across the street had the energy to shout out some cold blooded racist comments at me. Most folks were held up in their coffin sized apartments attempting to beat the heat with air conditioning raging full blast. The little side streets were mostly dead silent. Suddenly the artificial peace was broken by sounds of a fight. I stepped onto the balcony and was greeted by a good old fashion shake down. Three young thug looking guys were putting the squeeze on some scared skinny J-kid. They were smacking him around and trying to take whatever they could from him.

My blood begin to boil. Something snapped inside of me. I decided to do something.

I went down on the street and started some shit with those assholes. They saw me coming and really did not know what to do. I am sure they thought that I was just passing by. I grabbed one of them and pushed him to the ground. The other two froze like deer in headlights. I simply said,`get the fuck out of here` in English. They understood well enough and took off like scared rats.The skinny J-kid just stared at me like I was the second coming of Jesus fucking Christ. I brushed him off, got him a coca-cola and walked him to his shit apartment. He told his mother what happened. She is a single mother and damn near offered me sex as a thank you. I shrugged off her polite advances. All I wanted was that J-kid not to be fucked with.

Yall would think that those damn fuckers would have learned their lesson; but sadly they didn`t.

The next day all was well in the hood until....

I was rolling around the hood making my rounds. I try to do that about once a week. You know, just checking with all the local businesses that are cool with me and saying hello to the folks who are cool in general. When I walked out of the local tobacco shop I spotted those little bastards from the day before. They had the same vicious smiles slapped on their faces. Although I was hungry as a starved hound, I decided to keep my eye on those little shits. I found me a spot at the local McDonald`s with a cup of cheap ass coffee. I could see my little friends across the street near Gotanno station. As expected, it did not take long for them start some shit. A high school gal turned down to side street beside the station. They went right for her.
Those little bastards starting following her like rats jumping on a piece of stale cheese. I knew some shit was about to go down. I also knew that no Japanese would do anything about it.

I was the only person who was willing to do anything.

I dumped the rest of my coffee down my stomach and prepared to get raw. 

I left the McDonald`s and stated to crawl toward the action. I wanted to go for a surprise attack so I was careful to avoid them seeing me. By the time I was in range, they had her cornered and were putting their hands on her.. As I come up from behind them, the gal noticed me. She gave me a look that screamed, `Please help me.` Something boiled up from deep inside of me. I smacked one of them in the back of the head. He turns around and gets in my face. The look of shock he expressed realizing it was me, again, was a pure Kodak moment. He backed off into the protection of his thugish friends. I said to them in straight English, `Get the fuck out of here assholes!` They stared at me with a ghoulish passionate hate. At that point I again spoke in straight English, `Go on. Get the fuck out of here.` They slowly walked away giving me a hard ass thugish stare down. I just smiled and said, `Baka!`

The poor gal was in tears. She had rolled herself into a ball on the street. At first she was shy towards me. I tried to ask her if she was okay but she put her hand in my face and shook her head. I was unable to say the right thing in Japanese so I had to choice but to use English. I said,`Look. I just helped you. Be cool. It is over now. I will take you home, okay?` Shockingly enough she somehow understood. The gal made it to her feet and held out her hand wanting my protection. I was not going to walk down the damn street holding a school gal`s hand. I am much too old for that shit. I told her I would buy her a coke and walk with her to her house. She accepted that. Turns out she was another of the many poor young gals who live in the local housing projects. Another youthful Adachi-ku gal who will most likely go no where in life. At least for one day she was safe.

So after dealing with those assholes for two days in a row, I wanted to relax. I decided to grab some cheap beer and chill by the river. That ended up being good for me. I took time to reflect on the recent events which had happened over the past two days. Free flowing water always clears my mind.

Yet, the peace was short lived.

As I was riding my bike down the bike ramp leading to the highway, I huge rock smacked me in the head. I went flying head first over the handle bars. My face hit the pavement at full force. My hole body went tumbling down the ramp. I did not realize what was happening until I heard the marching of boots. The first kick in the ribs snapped me out of my daze. Those three little fuckers had set me up. I did my best to get to my feet as they kicked me. Funny thing was they were not kicking me all that hard. When I got to my feet I started throwing punches like wild. It was all I could do considering that I was knocked stupid from the fall. They caught on pretty quick that the only way to get me to stop fighting would be to knock me out so after a few minutes they fled.

So there I stood...bloodied...beaten...and pissed the fuck off.

Yeah, if you do the right thing people will come at you like a pack of wild animals. In Japan it seems that standing up for those who are helpless is bad. This society has become very cold blooded. No one in my hood would do what I did because they are just too fucking spineless.

Did I get revenge....you bet I fucking did! But that is a post for another day.  

A Good Man is Hard to Find

If you know whats good for you, then you better know that a good man is hard to find. If you are not aware then please allow me to inform you that we live in a very dark twisted world. As America is waging war in six different nations, as international bankers are ruining the notion of nation states, as many societies find themselves in a condition of revolution or near revolution...the band plays on in Japan. No...the kids are not alright.

You know, Japan has given me many things. I can be thankful to Japan for the life I enjoy today. I can be honest, and human enough, to admit that. Will I bow down to Japan and pretend this is the greatest nation on the planet? Fuck no! Japan is no better than America. The same vile N.W.O. control grid bullshit which is so common in the U.S.A. is going on in Japan. Any fool who refuses to see and admit the truth is a fucking dumb ass. I could sit here and cite example after example of what is really going on in our modern world, but I spend enough time doing that else where on the web. Wake the fuck up and research this shit for yourself. I am not your fucking mother. 

Yet...there is hope for our twisted world. And it may come from the most unlikely of places...Tokyo Japan.

As hard as it may be to believe, there are a few shining lights in the center of greed, lust and social sickness that is Tokyo. I have met one of those shining lights.

His name is Paul.

By day is works damn hard in the Japanese corp. world. He deals with the systematic outdated business models which have left Japan in a state of motionless progress for the last 20 plus years. He out performs his co-workers daily. In fact, he dances circles around them. Yet, in the evening he does something totally different. He becomes the owner and head bar tender of Vega.The bar is really nice. It has got the prefect atmosphere. Plus you can remote connect to a huge play list songs via your iphone. I had a lot of fun digging though Vega`s play list.

It is Paul and his Vega bar which offers a glimmer of hope in the dark twisted city of Tokyo. Paul treated me in a way I am not used to. He actually treated me like a human. He was very warm and welcoming to me. An actual real human. He made me feel like I belong in Tokyo. It had been so damn long since I had met someone who was real and kind that I damn near cried right there at the bar. I held it back and played it cool(I teared up a bit on the train ride home. Yes I can admit it) His general nature is so rare in Tokyo. In my experience, most folks in Tokyo are stubborn assholes who would rather spit on you than look you in the eye. I am sure Paul would never do that to anyone unless they really deserved it.

I know a few decent folks in Tokyo. They are funny and I think they at least care somewhat about other people. For the most part this hand full of folks are alright. Although they do tend to have a chip on their shoulder due to misplaced pride and ego. Hell, I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder as well. After you live in Tokyo for a few years, the shit of the city gets into your soul and fucks your head up to a certain degree. It happens to a lot of people and I have not been spared.

Yet, after meeting Paul I can see that some people are able to retain a high amount of goodness in their heart. Paul is still real and kind to his fellow humans. Such a man gives me hope. A hope that there is still a chance for humans to turn things around. Maybe...just maybe we have not completely screwed ourselves.

Working Class Hero is Something to Be

From the day you are born `they` make you feel small. You know, a working class hero is something to be.
 The money is enough to keep me going but hardly enough to keep me alive. The life I live is not for most. The ideas and beliefs which drive me are kicked in the dirt and considered to be wrong. That is okay because my will is still strong. When life gets too dark I think of the coal fields which created me. I saw many strong men go underground deep in the mountain, risking their lives, just to put food on the table. They knew the company was grinding them down to nothing but everyday those strong proud men went into the mountain. Slowly they died from depression and loneliness. Their women hated them because they could never bring in enough money. Despite the daily dose of emotional abuse and whiskey, these man still went into the mountain everyday. Now I realize why they did this....


Somethings are more important than money and serving the corporate machine.There are certain ideas and beliefs which every man must decide to stand by to the end. Everyday I am usually surrounded by folks who would rather kick me in the face than give me a chance. They spend their time playing political games and using everyone to achieve their agenda. They don`t care about morals or doing something bigger than themselves. When they talk to me they are usually stunned that someone could actually desire things other than money. Yeah, I want to earn a decent living but not at the cost of certain ideas. Sadly, I am a dying breed of man. I know few man who place any limits on themselves. Just soulless men and women who will smile at me, while at the same time stab me in the back. Honor and pride are in short supply. It`s all about money and fucking everyone over to get what they want. The more people know I have strong ideas of honor, the more they want to kick me down.

It beats on me daily...but still I carry on. A working class hero is something to be...