`You Will Never Be One of Us` A Japanese Native Finally Admits It. The Merger of Nationalism and Race in Japan.

Howdy! I have not touched on this topic in a while because there are bigger things going on here on the island. Yet I`ll be damned if someone does not say something which forces it back on topic. If you have lived in Japan long enough, you will notice something about native Japanese. Many, but not all, feel they are special simply because they are Japanese. They do not feel they are special because they have a unique personality, are highly educated, have gain a certain level of success in life or anything like that at all. They feel they are special because they were born Japanese and the rest of the world was not. This type of mindset can also be found in the United States; yet it is a little different. In the states this type of nationalism is not so connected to race and ethnic background as it is in Japan. You will find many Americans who feel that simply because they were born in the United States of America they are special and just a little better than people from other nations. 

Let me make it very clear that nationalism is not a bad thing. Nationalism, when it comes organically(often referred to as patriotism) from the people, is an attempt by the people to protect their own nation is ensure their own collective survival. Although, when nationalism is promoted by `the state` it often produces hatred and elitism among the population toward those who are not a citizen of said nation. As we all know, a nation fully ran and controlled by the people is hard to create and even harder to maintain. While Americans have gone to great lengths to smash racism from their nation and now struggle to take back their own government, many people in Japan refuse to deal with racism and have never really had full control over their government. Such differences is exactly why the opinion which the person in the video below expresses is common in Japan.







As you watched in the video, he clearly says `You will never be Japanese.` His reasoning for this is not shocking for me due to the strong sense of tribalism in Japan which can be a pure bitch to deal with at times. Now, to give this person credit, he is trying to be polite. He does try to hide his own racism by mixing it with nationalism. He takes the position that because he was born in Japan(nationalism) and has Japanese blood(racism) that he is Japanese and someone who was not born in Japan and does not have Japanese blood can never be Japanese. Even if you master the language, pay taxes, maintain a job be a part of society and gain citizenship you can never be Japanese according to this person`s mindset. Of course, such a mindset is very silly when you consider the nature of human society. Human society has no choice but to change and evolve over time. For any human society to survive it must become more diverse and have fresh ideas injected into it. Japan is a society which is thousands of years old. It has been evolving for a long time into what we see today. Does anyone really think that Japan has survived this long without immigration? Koreans and Chinese have been immigrating to Japan for almost as long as there has been a Japan.  I know from my own experience that the average person in Japan feels a hard sting when ever you mention Korean or Chinese immigration. They hate to admit that Koreans and Chinese people have been influencing Japanese society for a very long time.  Bring up how they have treated Koreans and Chinese over the years and they feel the sting even deeper.

It seems to be that many people in Japan want to feel special simply because they have so-called Japanese blood and are born in Japan. Well, if they are so special then why has Japanese society depended on immigration so much over the years to inject fresh ideas into the society, increase the overall population, create a larger labor force and even provide for a larger military? It seems to be that this idea that native born Japanese are somehow special and unique started during the empire days of Japanese history. It was during the days of empire that Japanese society started to regard themselves as being better than other Asians and felt that it was their right to have dominance over them. Even today Japanese history refers to WW2 as `The War of Asian Liberation` as to somehow suggest that it was Japan which was protecting the `lower` Asians from the evil westerners. When in fact it was the Japanese empire which was exploiting other Asian cultures and using force to gain the advantages of mingling with other cultures.

In my opinion, post WW2 Japan only made the situation worse. For the first time, being exploited was on the other shoe for Japan; and it keeps going on even to this day. After being exploited by westerners powers for about 64 years the idea that Japanese are special are unique seems to be a way native born Japanese blind themselves to their own exploitation.  You know, `We are special so we get special treatment from America. We are not being exploited.` Many westerners come to Japan and exploit the hell out of this island. In order to deal with that it seens to me many Japanese say that, `We are special and unique which is why so many gaijin want to come and live here.` In reality, many westerners come to Japan because they can make a decent amount of money, behave with total disregard for what is happening around them, not have to get involved in any aspect of Japanese society and cherry pick the parts of Japan they like and create their own image of Japan to brag to their friends about. So, you can see how a lot of Japanese would create an elitist attitude about being native born in Japan even if it carries no real weight in the big picture. Their racism does them no favors but to give them piece of mind that they are `special.`

It would make far better sense, at least to me, to give up on nationalist racism and focus more on trying to find allies who understand their situation and frustration over what Japan has become. Maybe then they could start to break the chains which the post-war era and modern globalism agenda has placed on their society. Yet, to simply think that `We are Japanese and we are special` without the ass to cash the checks their mouths are writing, will put them in an even deeper hole than they already are.

Okay Gaijin. We Need to Talk About the Nuclear Issue and Your Need for Acceptence in Japanese Society.

Okay fellow gaijin....we need to talk. No! I mean really talk. In my last post, I shared a little bit of my take and experience of 'micro-aggression' or racism in Japan. Such social issues are very important and need to be talked about. Racism is ugly no matter what form it takes. Yet, it seems to me that a lot of gaijin are either blind, scared, brainwashed or simply don't give a fuck about the single most important issue facing Japan today. Did you know that nuclear power, and energy policy, is damn near tearing Japan apart? There is a massive battle going on over this issue and it seems very clear to me that most gaijin are choosing to put their head in the sand about this. Y'all are refusing to talk about it, notice it or even admit that it is actually happening. Many of you say you want to be apart of Japanese society and treated as an equal. You say you are being kept on the outer rim of Japanese society. I understand that...really I do. Yet, are you trying to be apart of Japanese society? We talk a lot about "accept me! accept me!" What are you doing to be accepted?

Right now, the people of Japan are fighting for, not only the future of Japan, but the future of the world. What are you doing to help the people in their fight? Are you blogging about what is really going on? Are you making videos covering this massive fight against nuclear power? Have you been to a anti-nuclear protest? Are you standing up for the same people who you demand accept you?

Call me a crazy hillbilly all you want, but I have been doing all of the above things I ask if you have done. I want to be apart of Japanese society as well and I actively involve myself in the society. Yet, what I see a lot of gaijin doing is demanding that Japanese accept them, bitch about other gaijin, refuse to get involved in Japanese society and still behave as if they deserve to be treated as an equal. You will be treated as an equal when you show you deserve it. You have to get involved in what is really doing on. The Japanese people need you now more than ever. Can't all of you see that? What the fuck is wrong with my fellow gaijin? Who is really selling who out? Who is really the racist?

Of course, there will always be a part of Japanese society which hates us. It does not matter what we say to those people; they will find an excuse to hate us. Yes! We should point out and expose such people. Yet, there is something much bigger going on in Japan than your fucking bitching and complaining about how "the Japanese treat me like shit because I am a gaijin." There is a time and place for that. Yeah, I have already shared with all of you my take on experiencing racism in Japan. Now, if you want to be a part of Japanese society, you are going to have to stand by the people and fight with them. The nuclear issue in Japan is not just a Japanese problem, but a human problem which effect us all.

You want to be a part of Japanese society, then fucking act like it and fight for these people who need your love and support now more than ever!

Link to my Youtube channel
 https://www.youtube.com/user/freedomwv

Link to The Ghost Letters Report Facebook page
 https://www.facebook.com/theghostlettersreport

Microaggression In Japan: Jealous and Spiteful Japanese Reactionaries

It is only a problem when we do it; right?

Howdy Y'all! It happened again it seems. Life, and other things, pulled me away from this blog. Yet, everyone's favorite gaijin hillbilly is back again. I have more things I want to talk about with y'all again. More things to share and more ideas to express. Make sure to read this and this before going forward to understand what I am about to bring up.

I hope you are ready because...here...we...go.


Anyone with a clue, and sadly there are not many, realize there is a major double standard here in Japan when it comes to us gaijin and Japanese folk. Just take a look at the pic to your left. I am sure that while Japanese men can be horny wolves who chase anything with a pussy, when gaijin men do the exact same thing we are the bad guys.  I have seen so many J-dudes treat women like shit yet these same men get pissed off when a gaijin man even raises his voice to a women in public. Truth be known, a lot of J-dudes don't help their lady friend out so much. Of course, I have talked to a hell of a lot of J-dudes during my time in Japan so far. When the topic of 'helping yo lady' comes up there are common responses such as, 'I don't cook, that is women's work, I don't know how to clean my own clothes, that is for women to do, It is better that women never give their opinion, Men make money, women serve men etc...' Yet, you dare let one of us gaijin mutter any negative opinion toward Japanese women and suddenly we are the lowest form of shit in the universe. I do not hold any of the attitudes or opinions about the opposite sex mentioned in the above sentences, but that does not matter to the average Japanese. It seems that because I am gaijin, I must clearly be a rapist and a women beater no matter what the truth may be. After many years of dealing with this double standard, it seems clear to me that the Japanese mindset is such that they can be dirty slime balls as much as they want but gaijin are expected to be the highest form of human perfection. It seems the agenda is to make it so hard to adjust to life in Japan that we will give up and 'go home.'

Although, the method to attempt to force us to 'give up and go home' is a complex one indeed. This is were microaggression comes into play.

I look at microaggression in Japan the same way as a dog and a bowel of food. Y'all ever see a dog guard his bowel of food when he is not really hungry? Y'all know, the little bastard does not want the food but he will be dammed if anyone touches it. Microaggression in Japan is very similar to a dog who wants to keep everyone away from a bowl of food he does not want in the first place. Gaijin are expected to be perfect because, in my mind, they want us to be what they are unable to be. They want to hold us up to a standard which most humans simply cannot live up to everyday. Even if you are somehow able to live up to even a fraction of that fantasy standard, be damned if we turn right around and expect them to live up to the same standard. That is when the mircoaggression starts.

It goes like this: "We Japanese hate ourselves and our nation. We know we are fucked up and treat you gaijin like shit. Yet, we like being fucked up because it gives us an excuse to blame you for not being as fucked up as us. So, we will guard our bowel of food with the up most aggression, not because we actually like the food, but because as long as we are fucked up and expect you to be perfect you can never get one over on us. We really don't want to live this way but it is better for everyone involved. After all, you are a gaijin, and as we all know, you have a natural advantage over us as being able to move in and out of our society as you please. Fuck you gaijin! Fuck you because due to your sense of liberty and equality people like you and don't like us. So, we must force you to be perfect and pure. As long as we can force you to try to be perfect and pure, we can fuck you over and get away with it. Your forced perfection makes it easier for us to fuck you over as we see fit. If you are actually able to live up to the standard we place on you...well this is Japan so we will turn around and expect you to be just as fucked up as us. As soon as you live up to one standard, we will change the rules and expect you to suddenly live up to a totally new standard which we will create out of thin air. Don't like it? You can always go back to the dirty liberal nation from which you came."

That is the core of microaggression in Japan.


I know, it may be hard to believe me. Fair enough. Due to the cute fucking image of Japan that westerns suck up like scarface on a coke binge, the reality of living in Japan...I mean really living in Japan, is often covered up by images of Shibuya hoes, High school Harajuku shallowness and old beat up temples. That is only the surface of Japan and not the real deal. So, what is it like to deal with mircoaggression? Please allow me to explain.

It usually starts with a look. They look at you with this kind of asshole smile usually followed by some under the belt shot at you verbally. I have pretty much heard it all,"Why do you speak English in Japan?, You don't really use chopsticks correctly; you know?, English is a noisy language, When are you going back to your country?,  Gaijin stink! Take a bath!, Japanese are peaceful people so we don't understand why gaijin are so violent?, You gaijin have too many opinions, Why don't you just do it our way?, Japan is a safe country unlike America were people kill each other for fun, We are farmers and you are hunters so you are violent and we are not, Gaijin all look the same, Why is your noise pointed?, Japanese girls only like you because you have a big dick, and my all time favorite: We lost the war so we have to give you fucking Gaijin visa to come and teach English and fuck stupid Japanese girls." All of these things have actually been said to my face here in Japan.

The above quotes are a perfect example of microaggression in Japan. They seem to have a hard time with holding us up to a fantasy standard, which if we actually live up to, pisses them off beyond belief. It makes me think that a lot of Japanese really do think, deep in their hearts, that gaijin are everything they love and hate about humanity. They hate themselves so in turn they want another group to blame and hate so they will feel better about being uptight assholes who are on a mission to sink their nation to the bottom of the ocean. They cannot admit that they really like us and our way of thinking. If they fully admit they like us then they must also look at themselves and how fucked up they have allowed their society to become. It is simply too much for the average Japanese to do so they often choose to be a nasty little cunt with an ego the size of Mt. Fuji. It makes them feel good to take a shot at a Gaijin.

...And that is microaggression in Japan. If you live here and cannot understand this daily bullshit then you are truly brain dead or brainwashed by the Japanese corp. machine.


And might I add...

There are still many really cool people here in Japan. I have seen things here which also inspire me and uplift me. Not everyone here fits the picture I have just painted. It is just that this post is a picture of a combination of several years living and working in Japan daily. There is a problem with racism and xenophobia in Japan. Still, Japan offers many things besides harsh realities of a semi-isolated society who have a distrust of foreigners.   

We All Live in A Gaijin Bubble...And We All Hate Each Other For It!

Howdy Yall! I got your attention with the title of this post; didn't I? So recently, I mentioned the Gaijin Bubble in a post and it got some unexpected reactions. It seems few people like to be referred to as living in a Gaijin bubble in Japan. Apparently, the term 'gaijin bubble' is viewed as a negative term among my fellow gaijin. Yet, the truth of the matter is that almost all of us are living in a gaijin bubble. 

I am damn sure what caused the knee jerk reaction was the simple fact that I did not include myself as living in a gaijin bubble. I can understand that; really I can. Gaijin can have just as much of a tight net community as the Japanese can. If someone implies, 'I am not one of you,' of course a strong reaction might be coming. Well, I can assure you that was not my intention at all. In fact, if it is not clear enough by now, I am a fucking gaijin. I am most likely a classic example of a white bread trailer trash gaijin you will ever come across. Despite my best efforts, I still fail to be accepted as being a part of Japanese society. Yet, I still give it my best shot anyway. And this brings me to why I am writing this post. To my mind, all of us are living in a gaijin bubble due to two very key reasons. First, we are silently excluded from Japanese society. Secondly, due to the silent exclusion, we look to find kinship with other gaijin who are also excluded from Japanese society. And one of the things none of us will ever admit is that, deep down inside, we have a sort of hatred and love for each other. I know what some of you may be thinking, 'What the fuck is this hill billy from the mountains of West Virginia talking about?' Well, please allow me to explain in more detail.

Okay. First we need to get this whole silent exclusion thing explained. I know that a lot of us try damn hard to speak the language, learn the basic mannerisms, grow to love the food and all that jazz. Yet, you and I both know that we will always be viewed as gaijin. This is a cultural fact about Japan. It is something almost everyone knows about but few people will admit. So, maybe I am the first one to say this fact openly. Though, most Japanese don't want to be rude about it so they practice a silent exclusion as to avoid making gaijin feeling more awkward then we already do. In my experience, when you get too close to being a 'insider' as opposed to being an 'outsider,' Japan will back away from you and simply shut you out. This is the truth and most people know it.

Alright, we got the whole silent exclusion out of the way. Now, let's mention the kinship thing a bit.

It is only natural for someone to seek out kinship when they are being marginalized. You want to buddy up with people who are going though the same struggle as you. This is natural and healthy. In fact, it is very important part of living in Japan as a gaijin. You must have at least a few buddies who will not drive you insane. I have my little gang of gaijin buddies I run with and I am sure most of us do as well. I also have a little gang of Japanese buddies I run with, but of course it is not the same(we call ourselves the dirty Adachi gang just for kicks). Rolling with each group is a very different experience. When I am with my gaijin buddies the kinship is so clear that it seems as if we have known each other from birth. Yet, at the same time there is an unspoken level of aggression which could turn ugly at any moment. Some of you may have seen me interacting with one or two of my gaijin buddies and the aggression must be funny and scary at the same time. That is were the hate factor comes into play.

Oh yeah! Gaijin do in fact hate each other to a certain extent. It is very rarely talked about but it is there all the same. There is a feeling among many gaijin, myself included, that we must never take a shot at each other for any given reason. Even when we fuck each other over, it seems that if we air that shit out in the open it is considered the ultimate of sins.  Everyone's ego and pride must be protected like a 16 year old's masturbation habit.  Don't believe me, try it for yourself. Call someone out on their shit and you will witness a fire breathing dragon of hate which will rival the likes of even this guy. So yeah, there is always an unspoken level of hate and aggression just under the surface of most gaijin kinship.All that said, I do have a few buddies who I don't feel any aggression toward. I can only think of one or two.

Alright, now that I have explained what I mean by a 'gaijin bubble' in great detail, I hope you found this post very interesting. I am a very social person so maybe I notice these more than other people. I have been guilty of everything in this post at least once. At the same time, I don't like most of the things I mentioned in this post; this post is simply what I have experienced. I am sure the comments section of this post might get a little hot, but that is alright by me because somethings need to be talked about openly. Let's make the most of this opportunity to discuss a few things we don't normally get the chance to talk about. Maybe you see things a bit differently, so please express yourself. And remember, I love you all very deeply.

Accepting Japan before Japan Accepts Me

Howdy Yall! Before coming to Japan I really did not know much of anything about this island nation. All I knew was that they make damn good TV's, cars, porn and have a thing for hyper fast pop music. Now that I have been in Japan for several years, I know a whole lot more about this semi-closed society. In fact, I know more than I ever wished to know about Japan. I could write about a lot of different things about Japanese culture. I could spend my time writing about some of the crap I used to write about; temples food and stuff like that. I cannot do that anymore. It is much better for me to be real with all of yall. Being real has made this blog much more interesting and true to my experience in Japan.

With that said, one of the hardest things I have never had to do is accept Japan as it is in it's current form. As anyone who has lived here for a few years can tell you, Japanese don't accept outsiders very easily. Of course, they have gotten much more accepting since the end of WW2 but they still struggle with the realities of a growing multi-ethnic society. To say that a lot of Japanese are filled with Xenophobic fear is an understatement.  Many Japanese go far beyond any Xenophobic or racist tendencies. Sadly, there are many J-folk who will go to great lengths to marginalize you simply because you are not Japanese. So many people have attempted to explain, or make reason, of Japan's unique form of exclusion. My take on it is just as unique as Japan itself.

It seems clear to me that Japanese are trained from a very young age to exclude people from their daily life. They don't just do it to gaijin; they even do it to each other. Yeah, I have met my fair share of outgoing, half crazy, fun loving Japanese. Yet, on the other hand I have met even more Japanese who would prefer to jump in front of a fucking JR train at rush hour then deal with others head on. One of the great failures of Japanese culture is to develop proper social skills to be able to at least handle social situations on their own terms as an individual. Some of them have been able to learn social skills in order to at least handle themselves as an individual. Although, this is not normal and you should not expect it at all. So, the big challenge is how to accept an ethnic group which is unable to even accept themselves. Well, for an outgoing southern guy from American who says crazy shit when he drinks too much accepting Japanese culture has very funny results.

I use humor daily in order to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. I have leaned to laugh at the out of hand things a lot of Japanese do to marginalize damn near everyone around them. Most of the insane things a lot of them do to avoid standing on their own as an individual deserves a poke from me from time to time. I just cannot help myself at times yall. If I don't rattle their cage at the right moment, I will seriously loose my shit. Let me give you a few funny examples of how I have learned to accept Japan.

The salary man who burns a whole though my head on the train.

This guy is epic. He clearly has something to say to me. It might be because he wants to make a new friend or he wants to get some shit started. I don't know why he is staring me down but it is not okay to stare at someone like that without saying something. He must be thinking he can get away with it because he is surrounded by other Japanese. Usually I just let it go because I don't want any trouble on the damn train. Yet, from time to time I decide to play a little game. I call it the 'motherfucker do I look funny to you game.' What I do is start making funny faces at the guy. The same kind of funny faces that little kids make at each other. Throws the guy off his game every time.  The funny part comes when he starts looking around trying to make eye contact with another Japanese so he can get them to look at me. His goal is to get them to look at me so he can create the image that I am a crazy gaijin and he did nothing wrong. I win this game every time because if he does get another Japanese to stare at me I make funny faces at them too.

Howdy! Let's be friends you racist bastard

From time to time I get a wild one of my hands. He has the support of a given group because he has gotten control over the group's thinking. I am just trying to be an open friendly American. He don't like that because he fears losing control over the group; as if I give a fuck about who controls what. So, he starts talking shit about English teachers and how fucked up and useless gaijin are to Japan. I know he is full of fear simply because I am not Japanese and he wants to maintain his ego trip. I say the same thing almost every time, 'You are a fucking racist buddy. I will go back to my native nation and tell everyone what a gang of fucked up backward racist Japanese people are.' That fucks with his head big time. The group usually laughs their ass off at him because the one thing that crushes most Japanese is to be laughed at by the group over something a gaijin said about them. Usually the guy gets a look on his face like he wants to kill me; but of course he doesn't do shit but turn his back on me and pretend I am a ghost(which partly explains the title of this blog).


Let's get to the point already!

Okay. I must admit this one is a bit brutal. I only reserve it as a last resort. One of my Japanese brothers and sisters deems it fit to attack me because they feel it will further their agenda. My non-Japanese status makes me look like an easy target. So, with the support of a group of course, they attempt to lay into me. Sadly, because they are so full of fear they are unable to attack me directly they speak in such a round about way that they are unable to really go after me. So, I simply ask the most direct question I can think of at the moment. Man, it really throws them for a loop. After that they usually back off a bit and start to deal with me on a more human level. I don't like doing that to them but sometimes I simply have to in order to snap them out of their trip.


So yeah, I have learned to use humor to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. One day I am sure Japan will be okay with me and we will not have to have these odd funny run ins with each other. Hell, Japan has already given me permanent residence. It is only a matter of time before Japan learns to love me just the way I am.

Mad Tokyo Cows and the Joys of the Gaijin Bubble

Howdy as always yall! You know, everyone needs a good laugh. It is laughter which has got me though some shitty parts of my life. It is also just good fun all around. Although, as you can guess finding English stand up comedy in Tokyo is not an easy mission. Naturally, most live comedy is done in Japanese. To be honest, I don't really find Japanese comedy all that funny. The natives laugh at J-comedy but I usually find it to be a little silly. With all that said, there is a underground traveling stand up group in the Tokyo area known as Mad Cows of Tokyo.

I have heard about this group for a while but it was not until last week that I finally made it out to one of their little events.  I was encouraged to attend the event by a gal I met in a bar in Shibuya. She was upbeat and full of conversation topics, so when she not only invited me, but sent me several emails reminding of the event, I really had no other choice but to attend. It seemed a big deal for her that I show up and watch her sing a funny song. So, being the Southern gentlemen that I am, I left work in Yokohama and traveled to Daikanyama to see for myself what all the fuss was about.

This gal really made a big deal about my attendance. She gave me a few texts while I was at work and even had me text her when I arrived at Daikanyama so she could meet up with me. Her warmth and care for my safe and speedy arrival was a refreshing  change from the usual attitudes a deal with daily. Anyway, after we met up we went, arm and arm, around the corner to a coffee shop which hide itself in a maze pretending to be a building. Tokyo has a lot of buildings like this due to a limited amount of space and inflated land prices.  It is not all that hard to get lost in a three story building. It took us about 15 minutes to finally find the actual coffee shop.

It was a mellow little coffee shop which sold hard drinks about the sun goes down. Judging from the layout of the joint, I guess that they go after the working class during the day and aim for the tired business folk after sunset. Overall, it was a nice little place except for the overpriced drinks and low lighting. I kind of had to focus to get a feel for the surroundings because my new friend made it a point to introduce me to everyone she knew. Apparently, she is a regular on the underground English comedy ring in Tokyo and knows all the other comedians. I got to meet everyone and I quickly felt that something was out of place. I could not tell what was off with these people at first but something seemed forced and unnatural. An odd kicking distance which was so strong that I was almost taken back by it. Yet, it was hard to focus due to my escort having me jump from one person to the next. It was fun meeting so many people at once all the same.

The event was actually meant to be a little contest of sorts for a bigger planned event. The winner from this event went on to a larger event with some sort of prize involved. I was not exactly clear on the details. It seemed that most people did not really care about the contest and just wanted to get up in front of the small crowd, tell some jokes and just have a few laughs. Most of them were okay and I found most of them to have at least said a few funny things. The comedians were from several different backgrounds, including a few Japanese, so it was fun to hear jokes with a different perspective. Overall, they made me laugh enough for me to say I enjoyed the stand up. Although, it was only after the performance that I got a better sense of why I felt the strange distance.

It was more than just the natural awkwardness of meeting new people. I was a gaijin they did not know and I was also someone who is not out and about all the time. Only one or two people could place me at any other place before. My buddy Paul,who is different from the other gaijin at the event, was there so he knew me. The gal that invited me to the event knew we as well. After about 15 minutes of listening to everyone else talk, it became clear to me that most of the comedians had been living in the gaijin bubble.

For those of yall who don't know what the gaijin bubble is please allow me to explain. A gaijin bubble is when someone avoids regular direct contact with native Japanese people. Instead, go to places in which English is often spoken and most of the things they do involve other foreigners. I will never knock such behavior because Japan is a tough nation to get used to and having people around ya who share a similar background can really make life easier. The thing is, I am really not used to being around these kind of folk.  The social rules are totally different from the kind of foreigners I usually hang out with. You cannot say certain things around these folks and expect to win their favor. For example, you cannot say anything positive about Japanese people or Japanese culture. Due to the bubble they live in, Japanese culture looks like a backwards off putting concept to them. Also, it is not a good idea to speak too much Japanese around them. Speaking Japanese to other native speakers of English is very odd for someone who lives in a gaijin bubble. I can totally understand the kinds of feelings these folks have about Japan. The culture here is hard to adjust to and it is even harder to fit in a homogenous society. A lot of people do come to Japan and quickly realize the uphill battle of being gaijin in Japan. It is real easy to surround yourself with people of a similar background and create a bubble.  Now, I am sure that not everyone performing that night lives in a bubble. I am sure that several of them deal with Japan head on everyday. Although, there were enough people there who do live in a bubble to call it a majority.

Yeah, it can be very hard living in Japan. From time to time, I even put myself into a temporary bubble just to get away from the up tight lifestyle in Japan. So, that is why the Mad Cows of Tokyo are cool. You can hang out with people who have a strong sense of their own culture and have a good laugh as well. In fact, they are having another little mini event at my buddy Paul's bar Vega Wine Bar on Jan. 25th Tokyo time. It was good to see Paul again and I miss going to his bar. So, if you got nothing to do in the 25th then you might just find me at Vega Wine Bar in Ebisu. Click here for the Vega bar website so you can get more details. BTW Monday is Wine Viking night which means for 2,000 yen you can drink all of Paul's fine wine you like for two hours. Also you can click here to check out Mad Cows of Tokyo website to learn a bit more about what they do.  

2011: A year of Self Discovery in a Nation Brought to It's Knees

Howdy Y'all! it has been a while since I have wrote to all of you. I took over a month off from this blog of mine. I decided that before I scribble down anymore digital rambles, I needed to sort out a few things. I wanted a bit of time to reflect and focus on a few other items of interest. To speak the dirty truth, I actually have been writing my hill billy ass off just not here in this blog. I have been writing a few more articles for America20xy.com. You can check out the site by clicking on the link provided. I have also been working on a collection of ten short fiction stories based on the underbelly of social issues in Japan. The stories will fit into the pulp genre of writing. I hope to have them all finished by the end of January; self publish sometime after that. I have also been keeping up with making Youtube vids, but I think I need to rethink the way I am doing those vids. Check out my channel by clicking here.

Although, this blog post is much more than me simply giving an update on my writing. As y'all know 2011 has been one hell of a year for me. For starters, this blog took a much more raw edge compared to years past. I have held very little back this year and choose instead to present a more real and raw experience of my life in Tokyo. What I did not realize when I started to write more raw was that 2011 would be a major year of self discovery for me. After years pushing certain mental weaknesses into the deep dark spaces of my mind, everything found a way to come to the surface in bombastic fashion. I have spend the majority of this year working out a lot of things about myself. Y'all have been witness to some of my struggle by reading this blog. Yet, it is time for me to reflect a bit.

I am damn sure that my mental health came into question after the massive earthquake hit Japan earlier this year. I, along with most humans living on this island, have never experienced something on the same magnitude as what has happened in Japan this year. After a massive earthquake, deadly tsunami and multi nuclear power core meltdowns a lot of gaijin bailed on Japan. I can really understand why so many people left; but I stayed because my life is in Japan. Also, when you think about it the Japanese don't have the option to leave Japan. So, it has been interesting to stay in Japan with people who have no option but to stay. Although, staying here, and dealing with the stress of the situation, caused something to snap some place deep in my mind. I think it took about two months after the quake for me to start having cracks in the armor. It started with anger. I found myself really fucking pissed off almost everyday. It got to the point in which I could not go one day without getting angry as a bull.

I guess it came from the cold blooded nature of a lot of people I interacted with after the quake. People I had known for years for saying some of the most asshole cold blooded shit I had ever heard. I remember one thing which was really over the top. I asked a co-worker of mine at the time if he thought it was wrong that our company was firing and/or threatening to fire people for leaving Japan for a week or two after the quake. His answer was the most heartless thing I had never heard. He said, 'They signed a deal to work. They are not following policy by suddenly taking time off work so they deserve to be fired. Fuck them!' It took everything inside of me not to slap the taste out of his mouth. I dealt with a lot of assholes during the first few weeks after the quake. People were being so fucked up, more than usual in Tokyo, that it was maddening to say the least. The news reports I was writing at the time also brought me a fair share of shit from people I never expected. I had one 'trusted friend' who attacked me for reporting the the nuclear cores at Fukushima has melted down. He pretty much told me that I was a liar and stupid for reporting such a thing. Oh yeah, that was a wonderful thing to hear from a friend. It seemed that every heartless asshole in Tokyo was floating though my life at that time. It was as if I had became a magnet for fucked up folks. People were operating way over their stress level and viewed me as a rock solid hill billy you could handle anything thrown at him. Well, the truth is that I also have a limit for how much stress and bullshit I can handle before I break.

The anger wore off after a lot of insane attempts to purge it from myself. I was left with P.T.S. and a slew of other things which had boiled to the surface.  In order to deal with the massive conflict my mind split a bit. Let me tell y'all that I was told by a doctor years ago that was bi-polar. I was even on meds for it when I was younger. Although, I was under the impression that had it under control. This summer I was proven wrong because my Bi-polar reared it's ugly head at exactly the wrong time in my life. Suffering from Bi-polar can really fucking suck at times. For the entire summer of 2011 I was caught in what is known as cycling. People who are bi-polar, simply put, have two extreme sides to their personality. It is the same person but with two very distinct emotional view points. Bi-ploar is very different from split personality. People who suffer from split personality have to very distinct personalities which they cannot control on their own. With that said, cycling is a state in which a bi-polar person switches from one polar extreme to the other at random. It is really painful mentally. When I am cycling, sleep is very hard to come by and I have trouble understanding other folks perspectives. The only positive to it is that I become highly creative and my mind operates really fast. So, you can image what four months of cycling must be like.

I did a lot of crazy shit during the summer of 2011 in Tokyo, Japan. A lot of it I did not mention on this blog because I did not really understand why I was doing those things. I mean damn, I got into bar fights, heated arguments, drank like a fish, slept on the streets several times and spent a lot of my time diving head first into the dark parts of Tokyo. I was totally out of control. Yet, the entire time I was trying to control it all. I had so many conversations with myself in which I would talk things out. It scared me a bit because I was having full conversations with myself on a regular basis. A lot of twisted sick ideas went though my head so I had to talk myself out of a lot of insane shit. It was not until Aug. that I finally sought out professional help. It has really help going to these sessions. I talk with a professional therapist, who speaks English, about once every two weeks. This person knows a lot about the human mind that I don't so I have been able to work out a lot of things.

The thing that I have learned that has really helped is that I must accept both sides of my bi-polar personality. A bi-polar personality will compete with itself. The mind will try to find a constant which causes conflict with a bi-polar personality. So, when I start cycling the best thing to do is to accept both emotional reactions and let my own logic sort out which response is natural and which one is a result of bi-polar. I know that sounds a bit nuts but it actually works for me. I can be a heavenly angel or a hard ass demon at a moments notice so I must give my mind time to sort out which emotion I am naturally feeling. It sounds really complex and requires a lot of concentration, but I have gotten it down to the point in which is only takes a few minutes to sort out. When people see me a bit quit or appearing to be a little uncomfortable is it because I am cycling and need a few minutes to sort it out. I think there are a lot of people around me these days who understand that and tend to let me be. It is a nice change of pace these days. When I am in a social setting with people who have known me for a while, they usually let me choose how pro active I wish to be. If I just wanna hang out and not say much, more people are willing to let me do so.

With all of that, I also realized that I needed to get the fuck away from Japan for a bit. Truth be told, as much I have come to love this island nation, there is a unforgiving attitude taken towards mental health in Japan. I was lucky to find a shrink who would see me; and speak fluent English. So, I did get the fuck out of Japan for a bit. I hauled my ass to Vietnam for a little while. I am aware of the clear irony of an American libertarian living in Tokyo going to Vietnam for a little holiday. I laughed about it myself over several bottles of wine in Ho Chi Mein with my travel partner. Yet, spending some time in Ho Chi Mein was damn good for me. Shockingly enough, Ho Chi Mein is a rather liberal city for a communist nation. In Tokyo, I have to really search sometimes to find a true open liberal(in the libertarian sense of the term) environment. In Ho Chi Mein I was able to walk down the street without people staring at me. Some people would even strike up a conversation with me and be generally friendly. I spent a lot of time getting myself back on track. Y'all can see the picture I included in this post; right? Well, that is me well balanced and thinking clearly. There was no nutty shit inside of my head. I was relaxed and in control.

The experienced allowed me to come to a new way of thinking. Chris from Confessions of a bad boy in Japan first brought this to my attention and I feel it makes perfect sense; 'I am not living in their world; they are living in mine.' Such a mind set finally hit me one night in Ho Chi Mein. I was in a five star hotel drinking a fine bottle of wine. I went out on to the balcony to enjoy the wonderfully warm night air. I saw all the chaos on the street. The road was a mess of chaotic coming and going of cars, trucks and motorbikes. I thought to myself; 'Look at all of those damn people. They are fucking off the traffic rules and driving the way which best matches the situation. They are pretty much interacting with other drivers on their own terms. For them, everyone is living in their world.' So, why not deal with everyone on my own terms? Japan is a nation which can break even the strongest person. The pressure to be a bottom feeding zombie is so great here that demanding others deal with you on your terms can be a very painful experience. Although, I don't have to play ball with any sorry ass social game. I love Japan, but I often find myself judging the social structure as really fucking childish. The whole idea that no one is allowed to stand out or be unique leads to a lot of childish behavior and jealously. I have seen a lot of Japanese freak the fuck out because someone had success doing something a little different. A lot of foreigners do the same shit. I don't have to play that shit with anyone. In fact, I have learned to laugh my ass off at such people. Yeah, it makes some people really angry when I laugh in their face but they had it coming.

Anyway, 2011 has been one hell of a year. I have been though a bit of hell and I am stronger for it. I am not out of the wood work just yet but I am doing a whole lot better. 2012 looks bright.

Actually You`re Boring

Usually it is the same thing every time. The same lame ass garbage regurgitated to me as if I started teaching last week. No new ideas or `real` shop talk ever happens. Instead, I am watched all day as if I am guilty of some twisted crime. I cannot focus my mind because there is a little man holding a small title with a massive ego up in my shit all day. They tend to follow me around like some lost puppy. They psychically put their nose in my business. I am sitting at a table going over a few mental notes in my head while some jackass leans over and ask random questions meant to confuse me. This boot licking sold-out Nazi has the idea in his head that since I am a front line teacher there must be something very fucked up about the way I work. He only needs to smoke me out and he will find that I am deeply fucked up and a shit teacher. At least, that is how folks of his stripe think. Yes, I am talking about mangers in the English teaching biz.

Truth be known, most foreign managers are nothing more than a troll for the Japanese managers who actually run shit. For some reason it is standard thinking in my biz that gaijin always listen to other gaijin. A lot of the times when you go directly to the J-managers and tell them whats up, they write you off, make a decision, and have some boring ass pillow bitter threaten you until you agree with the company. Mr. Pillow Bitter is usually, but not always, some lame prick who has the backbone of Judas. This person will do several things to force you to go with the company agenda: glaring stares, outright threats,lies, dismissive attitude, correct everything you say even if you are right, twist every word you say into a negative statement against the company and their favorite tactic of writing bad reviews of you until you give in. Sound familiar?

In their own minds they are god`s gift to Japan and English teaching. They are a `special` gaijin because the Japanese corp. world has chosen them to oppress, threaten and sell out their fellow foreign workers. In their mind that makes them slightly bit better than all the other foreigners in Japan. They spend their days in a false sense of perfection due to the Japanese managers(you know, the ones who actually run shit) fill their heads with how `professional` they are and what a `great` teacher they are. They quickly become addicted to the attention and are willing to do almost anything to maintain their `special` gaijin status. All other foreign teachers are considered a threat and must be sold-out and back stabbed at the first chance. For Example, if some teacher gets more students then every effort must be made to make that teacher look made. Remember! No one can be better than the `special` gaijin.

Call me crazy?! What I just described is so normal in Japan. At the end of the day is really gets on my nerves. I don`t understand this cutthroat shit that gets in the heads of most foreign managers in Japan. It must be some kind of fucked up complex in their heads. Gaijin managers act so much like the damn police that I am willing to bet that both are suffering from the same fucking problem in their heads. Come to think of it, out of all the gaijin managers I have dealt with only one actually had a fucking personality. I am serious about this. You know how police are so damn uptight and lame that offering them a ham sandwich upsets them? Well, that is the same crap you will get out of most gaijin managers. EVERYTHING is an issue for them. You WILL do something to piss them off. Once you have pissed them off you can sit back and watch them contradict everything which comes out of their mouth. Usually, I just sit back and listen. The hard part is not busting out in schoolgirl giggles while I listen to someone try to not look like a horse`s ass.

I wonder if they actually take time to stop and think about what they are doing? If any of these jokers would get real with me they would discover that I am not their fucking enemy. I actually like talking about teaching; but only with teachers who drop their ego. They would also discover that most of the things which they are told to talk shit about actually brothers me a little as well. If they could cut the bullshit for just a few minutes they would learn that we have almost the same struggle daily at work. Yet, they lack the ability to stop puking out massive bullshit to anyone coming in contact with them. Well, they can keep their lame `special` status. I will always be the better man.  

I am a Continental

It must be odd for the native people of Japan to wrap their heads around the idea of fighting to be free. At times, I question if they really understand what liberty really means. It is only in recent modern times that Japanese were introduced to the idea of liberty. It was my own nation which attempted to place liberty into the hearts and minds of Japanese folks. It is a true foreign idea to the natives of Japan. America and Japan have had totally different histories. While the Americans were risking their lives just to be able to govern themselves and free man from the bonds which chained him, the Japanese were transitioning from the age of Samurai to the age of Empire. While Americans were working out the idea of being an independent individual, the Japanese were falling in line with Emperor worship and extreme nationalism. No wonder we tried to kill each other off during WW2.

But that was then...and this is now

Fast forward to the 21st Century

 Now it is America which is the Empire. Just as Japanese nationalist dogma penetrated the minds of the people of Asia, American dogma fills the hearts and minds of most people around the world. Japanese military bases could be found in many parts of Asia. These days U.S. military bases can be found in all parts of the world. Just as citizens of the Japanese empire thought that Japan was the center of the universe, modern Americans often feel that America is the be all of end all in the world.Even as the American Empire has clearly started to crumble many Americans feel that the U.S.A. is the greatest nation in the world. This is no different than when the Japanese submitted to the Royal family of Japan up until the day Japan was defeated by the Americans. That a sick fucking turn of events. What is even sicker that that both nations are just as stubborn and ignorant as ever.


These days I find myself, as an American, knee deep in Japanese culture. I have experienced the good, bad and ugly of both cultures. I have learned that Japanese culture is about as far removed form my native land as can be. At times these people take a liking to some things from America. Yet, deep down inside their hearts are with Japan. Yeah, they have an obsession with western culture but at the end of the day they will stick to Japan. The average Japanese understands as much about America as the average American does about Japan.

You might be wondering what the hell is the fucking point of this post. Well, I have pretty much given up on Japanese ever really accepting outside ideas. I have come to terms with my status as a minority. There is nothing about it which gets under my skin. While this nation is dealing with one of the worst crisis since the post war era, the government is playing political games and fighting for power. As the common business model in Japan is clearly outdated business leaders in Japan refuse to accept new ideas and methods of running their companies. The nation faces a serious population problem yet immigration laws are tighter than ever. They still promote extreme conservatism even as the youth of Japan reject such notions. It will be Japan`s stubbornest and refusal to progress which will again bring about their down fall.

Though all of this...I am still a continental. I was rebellious in American and I am rebellious in Japan. The only way to survive is to be D.I.Y. as much as I can. If the leaders of Japan choose to ruin their nation then so be it. This twisted turn of events in history is really fucking funny. From the days of Samurai to the days of Salarymen...this nation really has not learned shit. I am here until the end. Fuck it! I will hang around just to see what happens next.      

The Plan is Simple...Kick Ass!

The picture you see to your left was taken a few years ago in Yoyogi-park. I was fresh off the boat back then. A raw untamed southern bastard from West Virginia. I was barbaric and unfit for the Japanese public. Many thought it was a very bad idea to unleash me upon the masses in Tokyo. Yet, here I am all those years later. To tell you the truth, this city has kind of fucked my head up.

The kind of mind fuck this dirty city I call home has done to me is not entirely it`s fault. I am to blame just as much as Tokyo is for the state I have allowed myself to sink into. The god of chaos has never left me but that asshole has left me high and dry on one thing which he used to always shield me from: conformity.

Oh yeah gang! Yall would think that conformity would have little or no effect on me but sadly is has found a way to fuck my head up a bit. You see gang, I have been doing my best to pull a fast one on conformity in order to maintain a solid day job and a decent paycheck. This little game I have been playing has had the unexpected side effect of creating a duality in my mind and turning my body to shit. It can happen to the best of us and it happened to me.

I realized this a few months ago and have been in a process of purging myself of the conformity bull shit from my mind and body. A sense of new found liberty if you will. Conformity makes you give a rats ass about things which are totally shit. The idea that I should really worry about what other think of me and how that is going to effect my own happiness is fucked up! There are so many damn snakes in Tokyo that the best thing to do is ID them real quick and dismiss their ass just as fast. I really did give it my best try. Wearing the `nice guy badge` turned out to be not worth the effort. I got sucked into that shit by lust of money and the weight of Japanese corporate culture. Everyone has got to make money but all the ass kissing and political games is a waste of time in my mind. Sadly, there are so many little snakes in the grass that have been forced into a position to write off and dismiss a lot of people. I don`t like being like that but that is the way it has got to be.

Any fucking way, the next step looks to be getting under way soon. I have got to get my body back close to prime condition. I joined a gym and starting from May I am hitting the weights. I have already started to curb eating all the crap food that is so easy to grab in this city. The lifestyle here kind of pushes people to eat shit food. The world of serving the all mighty corporate grid will have a person running around like a chicken with it`s head cut off. I find myself in a hurry to go someplace I don`t want to be at way too often. That `always on the go` lifestyle equals eating grab and go shit food daily. Combine that with all the drinking and smoking and your body turns to garbage pretty quick.

I have tried to quit smoking several times and it always ended in failure. Seeing that smoking is a ball and chain I will have to carry around for a while, the best thing I can do is control it.Ten smokes a day seems like a decent level for now. I am pretty damn sure I an make that a regular level in about two weeks time. I have seen hardcore smokers toss the shit away cold turkey so I can at least put myself on a beggars ration of ten a day.

However, drinking is the weak point. Almost all of my fondest chaotic moments in my life have started and ended with alcohol. I know that is not something most people would be proud of but at least I am honest. I could write an entire book about my tales of alcohol fuel chaos and I am sure it would be a best selling; or at least hit the top 200 NYT best sellers list. Yet there has always been a line with me and alcohol that I only crossed a few times. Drinking should add to the glorious devilish fun not be the fun. As any bad ass hellbilly greaser should know, booze is your buddy not your lover. I can honestly admit that I have only used booze as a shoulder to cry on less than most of the crazed manics you will run into daily. Every time I have realized that I was using alcohol as a substitute for a lover or even emotional support I tossed the stuff in the garbage for a while. With that said, I still have to be careful about the effects of hard drinking. Drinking too much will cause weight gain. The kind of weight gain which is hard to burn off. I see so many beer bellied Japanese guys in Tokyo that is has scared me a bit. I don`t want to end up looking like that.

So the process of rebuilding my body is on. It really is time to kick some ass. 

The Darkest Fire Bruns Out The Heart of Wicked Men

In the brightest light of day I see the darkest heart of men. Many people pass right by them without a single clue. Yet, I can feel, smell, and even taste the allure of the blackest lust of men all around me. It pucks out a sinister excitement. If it does not blacken the heart of every man, at least it will taint the soul. Such darkness travels without detection from one soul to the next. It separates soul and mind, replacing only a madding lust for all things destructive. How am I able to resist it? I don`t try. Instead of trying to resist such madness, I prefer to be tainted by it rather than be destroyed by it.

I can sense the darkest hearts of the darkest men because their darkness also dwells inside of me. Yes, I feel all the blood lust, rage, corruption, coldness, and chaos which drives the common blackened man in all his endeavors. I have knowledge of the darkness which split his soul and mind into a mesh of chaotic endless madness. We do not know each others name`s yet we do know a certain sickness which lurks along the mass population like a burning black fire. While his heart has been overtaken by the darkness, I am only tainted therefore I am at natural odds with the darkest hearts of men.

This natural and unavoidable conflict can be so subtle and vague that a simple passing expression or eye contact is enough to spark a shared madness of undetectable looming doom by the non-inflicted. Our battle ground is the metaphysical plain of existence only known to those effected by the dwelling darkness. An explosion of a million atomic bombs release an enveloping cloud of protective black energy blocking out all sound and outside influence; there will be blood. We cast a million strikes with our swords in a millionth of a second. As we attempt to slice our minds into utter nothingness, we absorb the black fallout form such a massive release of raw dark energy. The fallout seeps into our hearts and begins a chain reaction of fire, rage and lust. He who burns quickest, burns shortest. I burn but not outward. My fire retains the one thing which cannot be ruined; knowledge that I am not wicked simply tainted.

Battle ends. The darkness in the heart of men carries on.  

It`s True! I am a Twisted Mother Fucker!

To say that I am a bit `out of place` in Japan is an understatement. I am not talking about the simple fact that I am not Japanese; because that is just a fact of life. In fact, I find the Japanese to be pretty interesting people. While I don`t agree with their overall mindset at times and unique ability to be distant even when it does not benefit them, I try to give them equal bearing even when they refuse to give it to me. I don`t really try to relate to them because it has been made clear to me that, as a nation and a culture, they don`t want anyone to relate to them. One of my biggest struggles living in Japan has been relating to other western foreigners.

Yall would think this shit would not be so hard. In the end, we are all in this together. One would expect some sort of natural common ground among the western foreign population. I have found that this is simply not the case. Now, before I go any further let me say that I do know some really cool people. They are few and far between but I do know some. Yet, for the life of me I seem to have a really hard time relating and befriending other `gaijin.`

I have spent countless nights staying up late attempting to understand what the root of the problem is. At times I have tried my damn hardest to be friendly and nice as I can be. Despite my attempts at friendship I find myself being awkward and left `out of the loop` way too often. I seem to find a way to make people have adverse reactions to me. Maybe I really am a twisted mother fucker. I go over the edge into the land of chaos a lot more than I should. Sometimes my rebellious nature may freak people out or give them the impression that I am somehow unhinged. To be honest, I don`t feel that way about myself.

I think due to a hell of a lot of crazy shit which has gone down around me, to me and because of me has made me sensitive to the world on a much different level  than a lot of westerners. I have experienced first hand a lot of madness in my life. Hell, I have touch death`s hand twice, partied in ways which would kill most men, hunted out thrills which are in no way safe, buried my own father, been involved in fights which should have killed me, grew up in one of the roughest backwoods areas of America and dated women wilder and more dangerous than a cobra. All of these things, combined with a few others, have given me a pretty unique spirit. Yet, I find myself struggling to not only find a comfort zone with Japanese but also bond with other `gaijin.`

I need to find a way to relate and express myself in a way which other people can get a handle on. People mock me and it pisses me off! I really do not like being marginalized by others lack of ability to understand me as a person. As I have always believed, `To know me is to love me.`  

Ryan Vs. The Japanese Health Care System

By now all of yall know I really don`t like socialized health care. I have experienced it first hand and while there are some advantages, the negatives make it an overall raw deal. None the less, this is what I have to deal with in order to live in Japan. I pay for the National Heath Care insurance every month like a good little slave. Considering that I am paying for it as I might as well get something out of it from time to time. Well, my dearest wife has been nagging me to get a `health check` for about two months with the wonderful reason of, `You are 30 now so there is risk you might get sick and die.` While I really doubt my days are numbered at 30 the gal sees things very differently. To make her happy, and shut her up about it, I scheduled myself a trip to the hospital for a `health check.`

As you might have guessed, a `health check` in Japan is a bit different from what you would expect in the states. First of all, I had to go to a annex of the main hospital. That was a little odd but no biggie. When I finally got to the section I needed I felt like I had just walked into a mad house. There were gals in cute uniforms running around leading people to a variety of rooms for all the different tests to be carried out. There were people(mostly old as dirt) sitting in the waiting area looking at each other with uncomfortable expressions. The admins at the front desk were cold and all business. I thought about doing something funny in an attempt to get a smile out of them but they would most likely had none of it. They simply checked my paperwork, informed me of the price(26,000 yen! So much for socialized care), gave me a key to a locker so I could change, and told me to wait. Oddly enough the motherfuckers charged me for the damn medical outfit I had to change into for the `health check.` From the get go I felt like I was getting scammed!

After about 20 min. my name was called, correctly oddly, and the gauntlet began. Apparently, Japan must have a lack of general practice doctors because every section of the test required a different doctor. I personally thought it was a huge waste of money to have that many doctors to perform a simple health check. I must have got poked and prodded by at least 12 different so-called `specialist.` Socialized health care must be sucking the Japanese government dry. A general practice doctor could have almost done everything it took 12 doctors to do. Hell, it took three people to just take a blood sample, check my height and ask me a few basic lifestyle questions! The amount of people getting in on taking the Japanese government for a ride is amazing sometimes.

I would have not minded the scam happening right before my eyes so much if they had not been so damn out in the open about it. The whole ordeal went down along one long ass hallway with rows of small rooms on each side. In each room one small part of the `health check` was completed. In between checks you were ordered to set down on a kind of comfortable green sofa. Every Japanese I sat down next to stared at me harder than usual. It may have been the first time any of them saw a gaijin getting a health check. Such a fact would not be surprising considering most of the big employers of westerners do not offer a health care plan. The national coverage is a bit out of price range for your average gaijin to afford. It would have been nice to have a buddy with me because it was super awkward having a gang of old people wearing ugly green hospital gear staring at me with odd expressions glued on their faces.

To be fair, one of the bright moments was being lead to the next room by a cute early 20 something gal wearing a cute checked outfit. They had entire team of these gals assisting every single person to their next room. it was surreal to say the least. It was like being on some Japanese game show from hell, `Okay folks! Our next lucky player will take the liquid metal in your stomach/fun with X-rays challenge!`

Seriously, I am not joking about liquid metal being involved in the whole ordeal! At one point in the `health check` I went into a X-ray room. I have gotten plenty of X-rays in my life but nothing prepared me for a Japanese style X-ray. When I went into the X-ray room I was greeted by the muscular looking man holding a cup of scary looking thick liquid. He smiled and said to me. `Please drink this whole cup of Barium so I can check your stomach and intestines` My first reaction was of course, `What the fuck! I am not drinking that! We use Barium for rat poison in the states!` He did not care that Barium is rat poison and I ended up having to drink a whole cup of that shit!` After I forced myself to drink it he made me hold onto a rotating bed while he got a few live shots of my guts. I felt like pure shit the rest of the day. Matters were made worse by the fact that he also instructed to me take two very strong laxatives to get the Barium out of my system. I thought I would be strong and not shit my pants before making it home. Well, these were pretty strong laxatives and I only made it three stations before the shit in my ass could not wait any longer. I rushed off the train at Akiba station and right into a bathroom at the platform. I suffered though 40 minutes of explosive diarrhea before I was able to walk again.

After finally being able to transfer from JR to TX I must have been the most happy person you could ever see on a damn Tokyo train. It just felt good knowing that I would soon be safe in my home. I am sure that some of the folks on the train noticed that I had just survived a rough morning. It was kind of written all over my face. I remember sitting there thinking that I left the hospital feeling worse than when I arrived. A `health check` has got to be one of the strangest experiences I have had in Japan so far.

I really cannot blame the Japanese for this wasteful and inefficient system. The government and greedy health care industry must take the lion share of the blame for a such a money sucking system. Yeah, I got a pretty full on `health check` but at the same time I was over charged and way too many doctors poked and prodded me. It will be a long ass time before I do that again!