Saturday, July 4, 2009
My life has been a unique experience so far. I started out as a poor punk kid growing up in the coal fields of West Virginia. Now, I find myself married, living in Tokyo, and working in middle management as an English instructor. My father(R.I.P.) was born to German immigrants. My mother was born of Native American/Dutch blood. Their blood lines gave a face that some love and others want to smash into the dirt. I had a complex relationship with my father; which still hunts me to this day. My relationship with my mother is conflicted at best. I grew up dirt poor and rebellious as hell. I have experienced shit that many people in Tokyo could never stomach. Although, somehow here I stand trying to make a life for myself in the unforgiving land of the raising sun.
During the course of my life I have noticed one constant; there have always been a fair amount of people who activity attempt to assist in my failure. Sadly, the list of people who have supported my efforts to be a success is rather short. Recently, I have been pondering as to why there have always been more people who want to fuck me over than desire to uplift me. I have thought that maybe this is human nature. Once someone is down others are quick to put on their jackboots and start stomping. Well, then you start life with your face already in the dirt you tend to see more jackboots than smiles. Well, dammit I refuse to give up!
I realize that I am at a very important time in my life. In about another six months I will be 30 years old. I must do everything in my power to raise above the masses. There is a lot of competition around me. There are several people, which I know of, who are out to take my job and bring about my ruin. There are others will refuse to listen to sound advice I give them. Instead, they keep on doing the same shit which will get them fired and make me look bad. In sort, I have been too soft on people.
So, I have decided to be much more harder on people. I have tried to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I can see clearly now that most people do not want to be given the benefit of doubt. People are either going work with me or against me. It seems there is little room for gray area. At this point, I must care more about number one. Until more people understand that I really am not playing around; my treatment of those I am responsible for will become much more harsh if they choose to give me too much resistance. I have warmed others that a weeding out process is coming down the pipeline. If they are too dense to understand what that means then may god have mercy on their sorry souls.
I have to care about running things more smoothly and building my career. I may have greaser tendencies, yet I am a grown adult as well. I cannot allow the constant to get in my way anymore.
So ends my rant about fucked up people who will do anything to see my down fall.