I'm a Bad Man: But I Don't Gun Down Angels

Howdy Y'all. I have never really considered myself to be a 'good guy.' A lot of people tell me what a good guy I am but in my own mind I know things about myself that they don't. When I look back on my life so far, I sometimes find myself thinking 'Damn! Did you really do that...oh yeah you really did do that.' Some of those things I did for my own sick pleasure, while other acts of madness were carried out for my own survival. When you are born into dirt poor Hill Billy poverty, you learn pretty quick that morality can be relative sometimes and a good man really is hard to find. I remember growing up being told by everyone, except my mother, that there was nothing good about me. I was a dirt poor piece of redneck trash in most people's eyes and there was no two ways around changing their minds. So, yall can guess what it was like growing up in such an environment. I am surprised that the grown man you see in the picture to your left has made it this far.  Yet, I have to come to terms with my background. So let's start to deal with it, shall we?

My daddy partying with his buddies while holding my sister

Guns were apart of my daily existence from a very young age. There were men carrying guns around me daily. I really did not know the idea of 'gun totting America' as the Japanese media loves to proclaim until I started to venture beyond the mountains. It was not uncommon for my house to have a gang of hard working, poker playing, beer drinking, gun packing bad asses hanging around. I remember seeing just about every type of gun one could think of by the time I was 12. For some damn reason all of them liked to show me how to use all those guns. I was damn near a fire arms expert before I entered Junior High. My mother hated the idea of me playing with guns all the time but there was not much she could do about it. It is not an easy task to tell hardcore mountain men to stop giving the kid guns to play with. The first time I actually shot a gun must have been when I was about eight years old. My daddy was drinking with his buddies and one of them had a common .45 on him. One of the guys bet my father that I could not shoot a 40 of malt liqueur off of a dog house about 15 feet away from the door. Out of stubborn pride, my father took that bet. I was so excited that I popped off too many shots in a row and ended up shooting the 40 and the guys front driver side wheel of his near by pick-up truck. I think they got into a fight over that little stunt I pulled. So yeah, guns were apart of daily life for me.

But as we all know, playing with guns are fun until something fucked up happens. 

Fast forward to my freshmen year in university. As you can expect, the college crowd did not take well to my hill billy ass. My college buddies ended up being outsiders and foreigners who were a bit too different to be accepted by my fellow Americans. I did not mind my buddies much because they liked to create a little hell on earth just like I did. I made friends with a Russian guy from St. Petersburg. No one really liked him because he was VERY Russian and did not give a fuck what anyone thought about him. We used to buy MD 20/20, get drunk as fuck, and then throw firecrackers at each other. Yeah, we were into that kind of fun.

Anyway, the first time I returned home was for Thanksgiving break. I was dating a chick from India at the time so she was coming home with me. Yuri soaked around campus a week before because none of the host families would take him in for the break because they were scared of him; and for good reason. So, I told him if he would give Sheela and I a ride to my house he could stay with me over Thanksgiving break. I had no idea at the time how much of a bad idea that would turn out to me.

The first night should have been a warning sign that it was going to be a fucked up week. When we arrived at my house Sheela was tired so she went to sleep. I called up a few buddies, got Yuri high off some weed, and took him to a high school football game. He fell in love with American football. He was yelling at the players to 'kill each other you American bastards' and trying to pick a fight with the line ref. Everyone was giving us the 'die you commie fuckers' look the entire time. Yuri did not give a fuck and was singing the damn Russian national anthem at half time. We were lucky to get out of there alive. And that was day one...

During the course of the next few days the four of us, my father included, developed a taste for cheap Tequila, arguing about everything and fists fights(the fights were was mostly my father and I after Sheela pissed him off). Yeah, we were having a good old fashioned West Virginia good time. 

It was all fun and games until one night Yuri got drunk and wanted some pussy.

On the first day I told Yuri that the guy who lives on the hill across the road will let you fuck his wife if you give him some pills. I said that as a joke but Yuri thought I was serious. One night Yuri got more drunk than usual and decided it was time to get his fuck on.  He still had some Xanax he had bought from some wigged out science major. He grabbed the bottle of Xanax, my dads condoms, and as he marched out the door proclaimed, 'I'm going up hill to trade pills for man's wife.' My dad had long ago passed out, Sheela was high off her ass, my fat ass gay cousin so too drunk and I was left to try and stopped Yuri. I tried to talk him out of it but he just kept saying, 'Good loving for good pills' and knocked me on the ground several times. I finally gave up and said to him,'fine you crazy Russian motherfucker, if you wanna get killed tonight go night ahead.' We all just waited for the gun shot to break the silence of the night.

They spoke loud and with confidence.

Yuri: Ryan said you will trade pills for the fucking of your wife? I am here to make trade.
Angry Redneck: What the fuck are you!?
Yuri: I am Russian and I come to fuck your wife! Where is she? 

A few minutes later....BOOM! 'You Russian commie bastard! Get off my land before I kill you!'

The boom sound came from the business end of a double barrel pump action shot gun. The death threat came from a man named Randy; and he was pissed the fuck off.

Yuri came rolling back to my house as cool as a penguin. He kicked open my door and coldly said, 'Where is gun? Time for American asshole with slut wife to die!'

He went right to the gun case and picked out a truly classy weapon; a rifle which had not been properly cleaned for about a year. He also grabbed a box of bullets and started to head out the door. At that point I had to stop his crazy ass from going on a murderous rampage. As Yuri was loading the gun I hit him square in the jaw, but that only dazed him. I hit the bastard again with a good old fashioned Irish upper cut and he was down for the count. It was then that I noticed that Sheela and my fat ass gay cousin had been watching the scene unfold with a look of pure horror on their faces. They looked like they had just watched a zombie take a bite out of someone. If the whole situation had not been so fucked up, I might have started laughing at them.

Seeing that Yuri was pretty much out cold, the three of us want out back and smoked a joint. We thought it was all over...but Yuri was not finished yet. When we heard his Ford Bronco start up and kick up gravel as it hauled ass out of the driveway I simply gave the fuck up. He was sure to get himself killed one way or the other. Yet, to my surprised he return within 30 minutes with some very special friends. Yuri's new friends were four cops cars and eight pissed off cops. They circled his Bronco while one of them shouted, 'One of you Smith's come out here and claim this son of the bitch.' I was the only Smith in the house who was smart enough to deal with those cops. Dad was passed out and my fat ass gay cousin was too much of a pussy to talk to the cops. I came outside and said, 'I am a Smith. What the hell did he do?'

The lead cop took me to the side and very smoothly said, 'I don't know were this guy is from but he is fucking crazy. One of our officers was on traffic duty and that bastard tried to hump the damn hood of the officers car. Now you look here Smith boy, You lock him up in a room and do not let him out until he sobers up. If we catch him out again tonight we will take him to the station and you know what will happen there. Do you understand me you little Smith asshole?'

I agreed and they cut Yuri loose. I told Yuri to go pass out in my room. I made sure to lock the damn door behind him. From that day forward he forever became known as the Yuri the redneck Russian.

As unbelievable as this tale seems, I can assure you that it is all true. I cannot make this shit up.

My life is much more mellow how compared to my days living in the mountains of West Virginia. Which is most likely why I have damn near lost my mind here in Japan. Being a good guy who is so damn polite is not easy when you come from the kind of place I have. The social pressures of Japan have damn near broke me but I am sure most people in Tokyo could never handle West Virginia.

This is the first in a series of posts about my background. I need to comes to terms with what made me who I am today. It will switch from my life in West Virginia and here in Japan. I am sure you will find these post to be entertaining and enlightening.

A Sexless Rebellion in Japan? Japanese are Refusing to Fuck.

Howdy Yall! We have all heard of Japan having many 40 year old virgins who don't even know what a pussy looks like. Hell, on a day when I am more keen than usual I can damn near pick them out from a crowd. It is usually the guys who sit on the train as if they have something stuck up their ass. You know, the ones who have man purses and the facial expression of a bright eyed women. The guys who are so timid that it seems as if they cut off their own balls and sold them to some pervert in Akiba. The Japanese refer to these types as herbivore men. They choose to give up on sex, or any romantic relationship, and instead focus on meaningless hobbies and self absorbed lifestyles. They are even known to develop very bizarre fuck buddy partnerships with sex dolls. Yet, what is not being asked is why so many Japanese are rejecting to engage in the time honored tradition of fucking like rabbits? 

I gave the some thought as to the reason why Japan is giving up on sex, after watching a recent TYT report about a survey that
found 36 percent of males age 16 to 19 have zero interest in sex and even despise the idea of getting their fuck on. To be honest, my first reaction to this was 'Dammit Japan! What the hell is your damn problem?' I mean really, how do you manage to create an entire generation of young men who are trading fucking girls for fucking lifeless sex dolls and dating girls from video games? To say the least, I had to think about this one for a bit. Considering that I live in Japan and interact with the society daily, my answer to the question at hand draws on my direct experience with the Japanese people and their current modern society.

To my mind, I think the youth of Japan, as well as many 20 and 30 somethings, are rejecting sex and reproducing, as a means of rebellion in a society which leaves little room for overt individuality  or social change. Of course, though means of mass commercialism and consumerism , it would seem that there is plenty individual self expression in Japan. Yet, after living here for a while it is clear to me that people are forced fed a form of, not only individuality, but also sexuality which just does not feel natural to them.

Think about it y'all...

From a very early age most J-guys are fed the idea that they should carry a be cool, I don't give a fuck, bad asses, you should be stubborn as a mull and treat women like sex object which serve, at most, as social status kind of attitude. To be married to a hot women who will crank out babies and treat their husband like a little boy, is the image most J-guys are told to have of women.If you are a J-guy who wants more out of a close relationship with a women, you are pretty much left with few options for a partner. No wonder more and more J-guys are saying, 'screw it! I don't want anything to do with any of these dumb ass chicks.'

And speaking of the ladies, the situation does not get much better.

According to the recent survey reported on by TYT, almost 60 percent of girls between the age of 16 to 19 have zero interest in sex. I don't know about the rest of you, but when I was a teenager the girls carried just as much of an aggressive attitude towards sex as the guys. Hell, I was hit on by more girls than I hit on myself. During my high school days, it did not take much to get a blowjob. It become very clear to me pretty early on that America is a nation of lovers. Although, sexuality has often been used as a form of rebellion in the USA. Yet, here in Japan the lack of sexuality is used as an act of rebellion. Women in Japan are forced into being nothing more than sex objects as soon as possible. I mean, just look at all the perverts in Japan going crazy over very young girls in school uniforms. I think most people are aware of the rape club scandal at Wasada University.If you want to get a wolf like reaction out of men in Japan, simply mention school girls. It seems to be universally accepted that school girls(either jr/high school or University) are sex objects. No wonder the younger generation of Japanese women are rejecting their own sexuality. Just think of what it must be like to walk knowing full well that you school uniform is viewed as something to make you a sex object.

Does Japanese society offer these young men and women other options to express their sexuality in a natural manner. Of course not! So, these high numbers of young people rejecting sex all together in order to develop a personality and identity which is not forced fed to them based solely on their sexuality should not be surprising.

What all of that said, Japan still needs to fuck. They have a population which will decrease by 1/3 by 2060. This is a serious problem which Japanese society refuses to address. Japanese need to be able to express and explore their own sexuality without being forced to view each other as sex objects.

A sexless rebellion is not the kind of rebellion which will benefit the nation at all. It is turning the nation into a gang of sexless self absorbed uptight assholes who will destroy Japan unless the powers that be give up their tight grip on the culture.

Dammit Japan! You really need to fuck!

OBEY! Or You Cannot Live in Japan

Howdy Yall! I think most of the world knows that Japanese are a controlled and repressed people. It is also common knowledge that it did not take military on the street or public beatings to achieve a modern society of slavish worker drones. All that was needed was good old fashioned propaganda and mental intimidation. Government and business in Japan have done a very good job of scaring the living shit out of the people of Japan. I can say with full confidence that the hard working people of Japan are brainwashed to the point that most of them are scared of their own shadow. This has been the situation long before I arrived on the shores of the land of the rising sun; and will continue to be true for years to come.

Yet, Japan should know that I don't have to play ball.

In fact, whenever I am given the chance I will support any resistance any Japanese citizen gives to a system which has made them weak mindless drones. I did the same thing in American so there is no point for me to change now. Americans are also brainwashed, but in a very different way. Many Americans are brainwashed to accept ultra violence, endless war, hate, greed and increasing government control over their lives. This is a fact about American society which many Americans will refuse to ever admit. Ask your average American about America and they will give you this fantasy image of a free peaceful society in which everyone has total rights under the laws of liberty. That is a fucking lie! America is a fascist war machine which pretends to be a democracy. Yet, so many American Ex-pats living in Japan dare not expose the truth to the Japanese people. They just cannot come to terms with the fact that American society might be just as brainwashed as Japanese society. Well, as you can tell I hold no fantasies about my native nation. With that said, Americans are also some of the most outgoing and friendly people on the planet. Yes, I love American culture but have no love for the fucking government.

While many Americans are indeed brainwashed, Japanese have had their minds beaten into the mud by the shit kicking jackboots of social conformity racial harmony. That is some heavy shit to deal with daily so I have nothing but empathy for Japanese people. Yet, there are times when you must say 'fuck all that. Something is wrong and I will not put up with it anymore.' It is very rare in Japan for folks to stand up and resist social and political dogma; but it does happen. I have seem it with my own eyes. A perfect example of this is Occupy Tokyo. I know what you must be thinking, 'The Occupy movement in Tokyo? I thought that was a bunch of spoiled college kids and lazy do nothings.' Come on now! You are smarter than to believe such propaganda. There in fact a Occupy Tokyo and they do in fact have very clear goals in mind. The Japanese media has engaged in a total blackout of a group of Japanese who want nothing more than actual democracy and a nuclear free nation. I have not only met with Occupy Tokyo but have also stood by them and marched by their side. They are a very different breed of the Occupy movement. They make their goals very clear: no nuclear power and no TPP(Trans-Pacific Partnership). They get harassed daily by the extreme Japanese right-wing fascist  group known as the Uyoku Dentai. The police attempt to place pressure on the group to leave the area of the METI building they currently occupy. Yet, they remain in solitary fighting and resisting in a nation which standing up for yourself is considered to be the ultimate sin.

While it is true that 'to obey' is an easy way to survive in Japan, it is much better to stand up for yourself on this little island nation. Life may be a little harder and you will have to deal with the massive social pressure to sit down and shut up. You will, in the end, make yourself and Japan a stronger society and nation.

If you are able, head on over to Occupy Tokyo in front of the METI building in Tokyo. Meet with them and stand by them. They are a rare example of people standing up for themselves in Japan.        

You Can Sleep When You are Dead

Howdy Y'all! So, there has been an odd side effect of a mental breakdown that I have not been dealing with. In fact, I have pretty much chosen to play it off and hope it goes away. Despite my best efforts, it just will not go away. I think my body has forgotten how to sleep. I know that sounds crazy, but it sure as hell feels like my body has simply forgotten how to maintain a steady sleep pattern. I have experienced this kind of thing before but not like it has been over the past few months.

During my college days, I was known to operate on very little sleep. It was not uncommon to see me show up for class looking pretty ragged out. I would stay up and either study or do drugs for days on end. It freaked folks out sometimes. I remember once I showed up for a creative writing class to recite a short story I had wrote. I looked like the walking dead. My eyes were totally blood shot and my jeans actually had blood on them(bloody jeans due to cutting the shit out my face while shaving before class). I recited a story I had written while on a all night Jack Daniels and weed bender. Everyone in the damn class, including the teacher, just stared at me with a look of horror as I recited a story about a guy who could not remember if he was alive or dead. I pretty sure the entire situation scared the living shit out of everyone. Damn teacher even asked me what as up after class. I told her the cold dirty truth, 'I was up all night smoking weed, drinking jack and writing this story.' She never asked me about my personal life again.

But that was then and this is now....

Now, the cause of my inability to drift off into dreamland is a bit different. One of the side effects of Bi-polar is something called cycling. Cycling causes you to not sleep. This sucks a big green donkey dick but facts are facts sadly. I have been trying to find a way to force my body into a somewhat regular sleep pattern but so far nothing has worked. I usually end up rolling around in the bed for hour after hour until I give up. It is not a constant problem. Sometimes I will be able to sleep pretty well for about a week or two before this shit flares up again. It kind of comes and goes.

I have pin pointed what causes my body to lose a regular sleeping habit. When something happens which I cannot resolve emotionally, my mind just gets stuck in a loop trying to work things out in my mind. Since I am a man, my chemical make up makes my mind attempt to rationalize every damn thing. Unfortunately, my emotions flow free like an untouched river hidden deep in the Appalachian Mountains. So, I can slip into a mental freeze up a bit easier than I really desire. I can compare it to pulling off a balancing act at a circus while tripping your balls off on some mushrooms. It will take some time for me to convince my since of logic that it really is just all in my head.

So, I might as well take advantage of the situation. This whole lack of sleep things actually increases my creativity. My writing is a bit more on point and I can get some pretty deep, and bitch ass long fucking time to read, research done. The kind of things I research tend to take a hell of a lot of time to read though and digest. I can also complete a few things I was looking forward to in some crazy ass computer game I should have never gotten hooked on in the first place.

Although, I should not consider the advantages to be so positive. Not being able to maintain a regular sleep pattern is nothing to take lightly. I will have to come up with a plan to limit these manic periods. I am sure it will fuck up my head and body in the long run. I will give this some thought in dream land as I am finally starting to feel sleepy. If I can get about five hours of sleep I will be just fine for another twisted day in Japan.

What do all of you suggest? Better yet, have any of you experienced something similar? Feel free to share your own experiences with lack of sleep as well as suggestions.

We All Live in A Gaijin Bubble...And We All Hate Each Other For It!

Howdy Yall! I got your attention with the title of this post; didn't I? So recently, I mentioned the Gaijin Bubble in a post and it got some unexpected reactions. It seems few people like to be referred to as living in a Gaijin bubble in Japan. Apparently, the term 'gaijin bubble' is viewed as a negative term among my fellow gaijin. Yet, the truth of the matter is that almost all of us are living in a gaijin bubble. 

I am damn sure what caused the knee jerk reaction was the simple fact that I did not include myself as living in a gaijin bubble. I can understand that; really I can. Gaijin can have just as much of a tight net community as the Japanese can. If someone implies, 'I am not one of you,' of course a strong reaction might be coming. Well, I can assure you that was not my intention at all. In fact, if it is not clear enough by now, I am a fucking gaijin. I am most likely a classic example of a white bread trailer trash gaijin you will ever come across. Despite my best efforts, I still fail to be accepted as being a part of Japanese society. Yet, I still give it my best shot anyway. And this brings me to why I am writing this post. To my mind, all of us are living in a gaijin bubble due to two very key reasons. First, we are silently excluded from Japanese society. Secondly, due to the silent exclusion, we look to find kinship with other gaijin who are also excluded from Japanese society. And one of the things none of us will ever admit is that, deep down inside, we have a sort of hatred and love for each other. I know what some of you may be thinking, 'What the fuck is this hill billy from the mountains of West Virginia talking about?' Well, please allow me to explain in more detail.

Okay. First we need to get this whole silent exclusion thing explained. I know that a lot of us try damn hard to speak the language, learn the basic mannerisms, grow to love the food and all that jazz. Yet, you and I both know that we will always be viewed as gaijin. This is a cultural fact about Japan. It is something almost everyone knows about but few people will admit. So, maybe I am the first one to say this fact openly. Though, most Japanese don't want to be rude about it so they practice a silent exclusion as to avoid making gaijin feeling more awkward then we already do. In my experience, when you get too close to being a 'insider' as opposed to being an 'outsider,' Japan will back away from you and simply shut you out. This is the truth and most people know it.

Alright, we got the whole silent exclusion out of the way. Now, let's mention the kinship thing a bit.

It is only natural for someone to seek out kinship when they are being marginalized. You want to buddy up with people who are going though the same struggle as you. This is natural and healthy. In fact, it is very important part of living in Japan as a gaijin. You must have at least a few buddies who will not drive you insane. I have my little gang of gaijin buddies I run with and I am sure most of us do as well. I also have a little gang of Japanese buddies I run with, but of course it is not the same(we call ourselves the dirty Adachi gang just for kicks). Rolling with each group is a very different experience. When I am with my gaijin buddies the kinship is so clear that it seems as if we have known each other from birth. Yet, at the same time there is an unspoken level of aggression which could turn ugly at any moment. Some of you may have seen me interacting with one or two of my gaijin buddies and the aggression must be funny and scary at the same time. That is were the hate factor comes into play.

Oh yeah! Gaijin do in fact hate each other to a certain extent. It is very rarely talked about but it is there all the same. There is a feeling among many gaijin, myself included, that we must never take a shot at each other for any given reason. Even when we fuck each other over, it seems that if we air that shit out in the open it is considered the ultimate of sins.  Everyone's ego and pride must be protected like a 16 year old's masturbation habit.  Don't believe me, try it for yourself. Call someone out on their shit and you will witness a fire breathing dragon of hate which will rival the likes of even this guy. So yeah, there is always an unspoken level of hate and aggression just under the surface of most gaijin kinship.All that said, I do have a few buddies who I don't feel any aggression toward. I can only think of one or two.

Alright, now that I have explained what I mean by a 'gaijin bubble' in great detail, I hope you found this post very interesting. I am a very social person so maybe I notice these more than other people. I have been guilty of everything in this post at least once. At the same time, I don't like most of the things I mentioned in this post; this post is simply what I have experienced. I am sure the comments section of this post might get a little hot, but that is alright by me because somethings need to be talked about openly. Let's make the most of this opportunity to discuss a few things we don't normally get the chance to talk about. Maybe you see things a bit differently, so please express yourself. And remember, I love you all very deeply.

The High End of Low In Tokyo

Howdy Yall! To be honest, I have been thinking for a while as to how exactly to write this post. I really do not want to be misunderstood. It is not easy to write about living wages because I am aware that there are many reasons which could be given to refuse to provide a living wage for workers. Yet, I think it is time for me to write about this.
  Ya know, it is no secret that being a foreign English teacher in Japan means dealing with being kicked around and exploited. You really have to develop a certain love for teaching English in order to hang in there. It is very hard to get a job teaching English which provides a living wage. For some reason a lot of companies feel that teachers do not deserve to have a living wage. I do not understand this kind of thinking but it is the sad truth. It seems only logical to me that when workers are given a living wage they should be more motivated to try their best. It also seems natural to me that giving workers a living wage cuts down on problems from within any given company. I assume that such logic would be the natural thinking of most people; but as we all know this is not true. Yet, we must still deal with this situation and attempt to make the best if it.

Working out a deal to get something close to a living wage or at least a situation which is somewhat stable is the key. Of course, most of us care deeply about our jobs. To say that we don't is nothing more than an attempt to kick us around a bit. Yet, it is important to come to an understanding which works for both sides(the teacher and the company). The way to go about this depends on the nature of the company you are working for. If you work for a company which is a bit open then a friendly chat about a few issues should produce some results. Although, if you work for a more closed company with clandestine inner workings, it will take some more hard bargaining to reach some kind of understanding.

Let's assume we are dealing with a more clandestine situation. You should expect that there will be a few reasons for knocking you down or not giving you some of the things you want. Some of those reason will be valid and you will have to explain those things. Yet, most of the reasons will be trumped up charges; which you will also have to explain why those reasons, with respect of course, are not serious reasons to kick you down. The most important thing is to remember that you want to work for said company. What you want is to simply get a decent deal and not be fucked over.

Depending on the kind of personalities you are dealing with, you may have to be a bit stern. You got to be careful about being stern because ego and pride is an easy thing to offend. I know no one wants to feed someone's ego so it is best to simply speak very honest and on a human level. It takes a real fucker to not understand you if you are being honest and very human.

As for me, my goal is always the same. I just want to have something of a living wage in order to provide food on the table for my wife. It would be nice to be able to come to work everyday with the understanding that I am in fact trying hard and can be spared all the useless politics that ruin the teaching experience. I really have fallen in love with teaching English in Japan. My passion for teaching should never have to come into question. I find it sad that politics seems to get in the way of what is important; teach English and make a decent living at the same time.

The high end of low is a hard thing to face when you have such simple goals in mind.

Accepting Japan before Japan Accepts Me

Howdy Yall! Before coming to Japan I really did not know much of anything about this island nation. All I knew was that they make damn good TV's, cars, porn and have a thing for hyper fast pop music. Now that I have been in Japan for several years, I know a whole lot more about this semi-closed society. In fact, I know more than I ever wished to know about Japan. I could write about a lot of different things about Japanese culture. I could spend my time writing about some of the crap I used to write about; temples food and stuff like that. I cannot do that anymore. It is much better for me to be real with all of yall. Being real has made this blog much more interesting and true to my experience in Japan.

With that said, one of the hardest things I have never had to do is accept Japan as it is in it's current form. As anyone who has lived here for a few years can tell you, Japanese don't accept outsiders very easily. Of course, they have gotten much more accepting since the end of WW2 but they still struggle with the realities of a growing multi-ethnic society. To say that a lot of Japanese are filled with Xenophobic fear is an understatement.  Many Japanese go far beyond any Xenophobic or racist tendencies. Sadly, there are many J-folk who will go to great lengths to marginalize you simply because you are not Japanese. So many people have attempted to explain, or make reason, of Japan's unique form of exclusion. My take on it is just as unique as Japan itself.

It seems clear to me that Japanese are trained from a very young age to exclude people from their daily life. They don't just do it to gaijin; they even do it to each other. Yeah, I have met my fair share of outgoing, half crazy, fun loving Japanese. Yet, on the other hand I have met even more Japanese who would prefer to jump in front of a fucking JR train at rush hour then deal with others head on. One of the great failures of Japanese culture is to develop proper social skills to be able to at least handle social situations on their own terms as an individual. Some of them have been able to learn social skills in order to at least handle themselves as an individual. Although, this is not normal and you should not expect it at all. So, the big challenge is how to accept an ethnic group which is unable to even accept themselves. Well, for an outgoing southern guy from American who says crazy shit when he drinks too much accepting Japanese culture has very funny results.

I use humor daily in order to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. I have leaned to laugh at the out of hand things a lot of Japanese do to marginalize damn near everyone around them. Most of the insane things a lot of them do to avoid standing on their own as an individual deserves a poke from me from time to time. I just cannot help myself at times yall. If I don't rattle their cage at the right moment, I will seriously loose my shit. Let me give you a few funny examples of how I have learned to accept Japan.

The salary man who burns a whole though my head on the train.

This guy is epic. He clearly has something to say to me. It might be because he wants to make a new friend or he wants to get some shit started. I don't know why he is staring me down but it is not okay to stare at someone like that without saying something. He must be thinking he can get away with it because he is surrounded by other Japanese. Usually I just let it go because I don't want any trouble on the damn train. Yet, from time to time I decide to play a little game. I call it the 'motherfucker do I look funny to you game.' What I do is start making funny faces at the guy. The same kind of funny faces that little kids make at each other. Throws the guy off his game every time.  The funny part comes when he starts looking around trying to make eye contact with another Japanese so he can get them to look at me. His goal is to get them to look at me so he can create the image that I am a crazy gaijin and he did nothing wrong. I win this game every time because if he does get another Japanese to stare at me I make funny faces at them too.

Howdy! Let's be friends you racist bastard

From time to time I get a wild one of my hands. He has the support of a given group because he has gotten control over the group's thinking. I am just trying to be an open friendly American. He don't like that because he fears losing control over the group; as if I give a fuck about who controls what. So, he starts talking shit about English teachers and how fucked up and useless gaijin are to Japan. I know he is full of fear simply because I am not Japanese and he wants to maintain his ego trip. I say the same thing almost every time, 'You are a fucking racist buddy. I will go back to my native nation and tell everyone what a gang of fucked up backward racist Japanese people are.' That fucks with his head big time. The group usually laughs their ass off at him because the one thing that crushes most Japanese is to be laughed at by the group over something a gaijin said about them. Usually the guy gets a look on his face like he wants to kill me; but of course he doesn't do shit but turn his back on me and pretend I am a ghost(which partly explains the title of this blog).


Let's get to the point already!

Okay. I must admit this one is a bit brutal. I only reserve it as a last resort. One of my Japanese brothers and sisters deems it fit to attack me because they feel it will further their agenda. My non-Japanese status makes me look like an easy target. So, with the support of a group of course, they attempt to lay into me. Sadly, because they are so full of fear they are unable to attack me directly they speak in such a round about way that they are unable to really go after me. So, I simply ask the most direct question I can think of at the moment. Man, it really throws them for a loop. After that they usually back off a bit and start to deal with me on a more human level. I don't like doing that to them but sometimes I simply have to in order to snap them out of their trip.


So yeah, I have learned to use humor to accept Japan before Japan accepts me. One day I am sure Japan will be okay with me and we will not have to have these odd funny run ins with each other. Hell, Japan has already given me permanent residence. It is only a matter of time before Japan learns to love me just the way I am.