Late night Muse Part: Not Keeping numbers at this point

I have not done one of these late night thought sessions on this blog in a long time. I have posted stuff late at night a lot, but it is usually something I had planned to write about before hand. This is a little different. I am setting down and writing as it comes. Writing, it seems, is the best therapy.

Currently it seems the god of chaos has again chosen me for hardship. While I am no stranger to hard times, it never gets easier with experience. It does in fact become more intense with experience. Life appears to be an endless journey of peaks and valleys. The peaks are never high enough and the valleys never low enough. Just when it seems I have finally found the highest peak in all the world I fall headfirst into a valley. These things should be expected but it is shocking and emotionally and mentally damaging every time. Yet I still wonder if there is a way to end this cycle without also ending life itself?

If life is all about a series of tests, lessons and learning then there must come a point in which falling down happens less often. These must come a day when a person is forgiven for his/her failings as a human and the grace of the gods are blessed upon us. The pain of failure and falling from glory and happiness is harder and harder to take each time it happens. I find myself, as I do now, going over every misstep and misguided decision I took to reach the point I find myself at this moment. I know I will end up doing this for a while. Trying to find a reason to forgive myself and the situation at large.

It is during these hard times of falling down that I often think of the Japanese cherry blossom. It is one of the greatest metaphors for pure happiness and quick sudden tragedy. When the blossom first starts to show itself it is hardly noticeable. It sprouts in a very gradual and unassuming way. Before you know it, the cherry blossom surrounds you in a blanket of beauty and happiness. The blossoms can make any man smile and fill his heart with youthful glee. Yet as quickly as it beings such happiness it fades away and becomes a distant memory. Life is strange like that you know. As soon as things become pleasant; everything is worn down and reduced to a shadow of its formal goodness.

Unlike the cherry blossom, life always moves forward and never takes a break. When I fall into these dark valleys life keeps pushing on with or without me. What happens in the next few weeks is very uncertain. There is only one thing which is certain; my life will never be the same.