Monday, June 6, 2011

Journey to the Center of My Mind Pt. 2

Howdy! Here we are again, digging around in my mind. It is a very uncomfortable place to be; as I have found. Yet, what choice to I have? It is my fucking mind after all. You see, recently I have been pushed to the edge. A lot of things have built up inside of me. I have smacked into too many brick walls which has caused me to explode with an anger which worries me. I did not realize I was filled with such an anger. While I still refuse to engage in a vision quest, I do need to figure out what is going on inside of my mind. So, lets explore shall we?

I remember something my daddy told me once. He said, `Boy. A job is not a job, it is an opportunity.` My father died from a drug O.D. several years ago but his words were burned into my mind. My father was a scum bag but at least he worked damn hard. With that said, I have noticed a very disturbing trend. The harder I work the harder I get fucked in the ass by sub par pricks who advanced in their careers by playing politics instead by good old fashioned hard work. I really have a strong distaste for politics at work.

Here is an example:

I was working at one of the numerous branches. The company likes to spread me so thin that I hardly remember the names of the students; but that is another matter all together. For a long time I have been writing my own lessons because the textbook really is shit to me at this point. `Official` company policy is that all lessons must be taught from that damn book. I cover my ass by always telling a student to refer to one of the lessons from the book. The lesson had gone down pretty good and the student enjoyed the lesson well enough. There was a mid-level Japanese manager at the branch that day. I know this bitch very well. She has a habit of stealing everyone`s thunder and taking credit for everything she can. She is a social climber and a real snake in the grass. Student tells her that he enjoyed the lesson. This bitch sits there and goes on and on about how `valuable` the text book is. Remember, she saw me pull my own lesson from my bag and print out copies. She knew that I had used my own material and did not use the book. Yet, she totally discredited everything I had just done. Instead, she steals all my hard work and gives credit to `the system.` A system I did not use and had nothing to do with the lesson I created and used for the lesson. When the student leaves, this bitch smiles at me with a shit eating grin as to say, `I fucked you again gaijin. I will never give you credit for anything.`

It is this kind of shit which is starting to have a very negative effect on my mind.

I am not the best teacher in the world. There are a lot of things I still need to learn even after several years of being a teacher. WTF? At least give credit where credit is due. All the backstabbing underhanded shit is really starting to boil my blood and filling me a deep hatred for humanity. This is not good for my mental or spiritual well being. I could quit but I got to think about taking care of my gal. I do look around the job market a lot Most of the gigs out there right now are set up in a way to kill off all creativity and reduce the teacher to nothing more than a gaijin puppet to be used as a cash cow profit making machine. At least the company I am working for now will let me have some sort of creative control and pays we decently well. They are just so damn stubborn to give a foreigner credit for anything. It is like the Japanese management have some sort of block in their brain. They cannot admit the hard work of any foreigner. This is not unique to Japan. The same thing happens in America. If you are a foreigner in America a lot of people will take advantage of you. Japan is just a bit more out in the open about it.

All I want is credit for my hard work. Being discredited for my hard work is really twisting my head up big time. Tokyo is a rough ass city. The daily stress of living in the city can be enough to drive someone to madness. While I have adjusted to the rough and tumble Tokyo lifestyle, the whole idea of keeping me under a boot in order to advance other people`s political agenda at work is creating a lot of hate in my heart. I see too much of the bad side of humanity. Too many lairs and sold-out blood thirsty fuckers come at me looking to suck me dry all the damn time. Everyone wants something from me. Well, I want something too. A little damn respect would be nice. At least stop fucking with me. I don`t want all this hate in my heart. I am only human. I am left with the option to attempt to take it all on the chin. The people who run my company are fucked up. I must learn to accept this or else I will go crazy.        


matt.nicholls said...


Love this blog...first time I've commented. I really hear ya about those corporate drones fucking each other over to get on in their career. I live in the UK and have been working in the corporate world for about 9 years but wierdly the worst kind of behaviour I ever experienced was when I worked for Nova in Japan. I was young and always intending to go home so it never really bothered me but some of the management in that, I could tell you some stories. Funny thing is I run my own business now and they would struggle to even get an entry level job.

TheGhost said...

Sad thing is that NOVA management are not aware they are pure shit. They actually think they are at the top of their game.

Will said...

Cannot recall how I found your blog, but it was either through Loco or Badboy.

When you mentioned hatred and heart, I was reminded of something someone told me.

"Hate is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die."

No disrespect intended.

By the way, anyone ever tell you that you look like one of The Wanderers?

kathrynoh said...

I don't think it's a Japan thing or a foreigner thing but part of big corporations anywhere. People will screw you over just to get a pat on the head.

Wholeflaffer said...

It sounds like you may be confusing a cultural aspect of the Japanese as an undercutting of you and your abilities. The attribution of good to "the system" and the company is a very Japanese notion and the more US/Western notion of individualism is frowned upon, or so I have come to learn from others; I have not lived in Japan myself. As someone who shares the punk rock ethic, I think I could not function in Japan because of that, at least, in "regular society". I would have to go underground, as it were, and who can make a living at that?

matt.nicholls said...

@ Wholeflaffer

I know Ghost used an example of a japanese member of staff but when I was there the western management were much worse. There were no business cultural differences with these guys, just a load of assholes whose egos had been stroked (mainly by each other)to the point where they were so detatched from reality that they couldn't manage with any kind of empathy at all.
Despite the rant they were three of the best years of my life..but I wasn't taking the job too seriously so kinda different from the ghost.

BiggerInJapan said...

in my experience, middle management is the worst. Those are the real rats.

instead of letting it happen to me and be a doormat forever, I climbed the ladder and am now sitting on top of those rats. And still I can look anyone in the eye and say that I have never fucked anyone. It is possible, but it is not easy, and takes lots and lots of hard work.

You need a punching bag, or go lift some really heavy weight. It always did/does wonders to my mind.

And in your line of profession... dude, why not go independent?

Chris said...

I had to get out and return to Hawaii for a year b4 coming back and going solo. The politics absolutely made me want to kill folks.

Great post read my stuff. About this...I feel ya DEEP!!

TheGhost said...

Yeah yall I feel ya. The ugly truth is that management in the teaching biz in Japan in general is full of assholes. It is true on the J-side as well as foreigners.
Too many people are totally fucked in the head in this biz. In the end, the quality of education suffers. Teachers who actually give a damn are treated as if they are stupid and don`t know `what`s up.`
I actually was in management at one point. It was daily insanity. Someone used me for their own agenda I ended up getting bumped back down to only a teacher. So I know exactly how fucked these lazy snakes in the grass are.

Billy said...

As Lebowski said: "Jesus, Man. Could you change the station? I've had a rough night and I hate the fucking Eagles," but there's a great line from that song 'Already Gone'...

"So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key"

Anyway, it's me Billy. Could you allow comments through Name/URL other than just through Google Blogger? I wanna stop by and comment and spew onto your blog more often...

Griffith said...

It is one of those times you reminded me of the anime 'Great Teacher Onizuka'.

TheGhost said...

@Billy---I have been thinking about changing the comment system for a while. People always like it when they can get a little link love.
BTW Thanks for stopping by. You are always a cool dude.

@Griffith--You didn`t know? I am GTO!

Will said...

On managers:

In front of my toilet, there are a row of books. Sandwiched next to one on ADHD and another on gardening is Jackall's "Moral Mazes:The World of Corporate Managers." The book is so full of raw truth that you can open up to just about any page and find something that strikes a nerve.

You mention in you post about doing a good job and not being recognized for that. "Performance is...always subject to a myriad of interpretations. Profits and other kinds of results matter, but" this is a big but,"managers see no necessary connection between performance and reward." On the next page, a young manager is quoted,"People feel that they could be rewarded for doing a good job, but they also realize that despite doing good work, their careers could be terminated in a minute."

Next time I sit down and grab a book, I think I'll reach for the gardening one, it being rainy season and all.

Good luck.

TheGhost said...

@Will---Yeah, managers think on a whole different level than the rest of us. Their heads are twisted to the point they cannot feel or understand normal emotions anymore.