It Is Not All Good Times and Screwing Off

People come to live in Japan for many different reasons. Actually, they come for just about any reason a person can think of these days. There are people who come for a short vacation or just to check out Japan for a few days. Some people come for a few months or even a year or two just to live in a different country. Whatever a person`s reason for coming to Japan I must make one thing very clear: if you are going to work in Japan please take the shit serious!

I have noticed that there are many people who come to work in Japan and treat it like a damn summer camp or something. They tend to not take their job very serious at all. What they forget it that the company they work for is trying to turn a profit and maintain a successful business. When people treat their job like a fucking summer camp get-a-away, all they are doing is getting in the way of some very serious business. While, this does not apply to everyone, there seems to be a large number of lazy jerk-offs who make very little attempt to do their job well. Why would a person come all the way to Japan to work and treat their job like a damn day at a candy store?

From within my own company I am half-tempted to burn some people a new ass for this kind of shit. It is going to become necessary very quickly to weed out the fuck-offs. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but I am quickly realizing that maybe some of them do not deserve to be given any wiggle room. What is so hard about coming to work everyday and trying to do your best? Is this really a struggle for some people? There seems to be something about Japan which makes some of my fellow gaijin not give a damn about their job.

So far, I have used the method of leading by example. I come to work and play the role of `model instructor.` I do things which many instructors may not know they should be doing. As I do it, I ask them questions like, `Do you know about...` or `Have you been doing...` If they tell me, `I had/have no idea about that,` I show them what I am doing as well as explaining how it can help them. They are responding pretty well; although there will always be a few jerks who will never listen to anything. It still surprises me how so many people working in Japan lack any motivation.

March 2009 Japan Blog Matsuri: Fast Times In Japan

Okay so this is coming a day late and a dollar short but I am getting it up for the world to enjoy. It has been a busy yet fast week for me. A lot of things going down both professionally and personally. When living life in the fast lane some things must be put on the B-list. So, here we go with this months Japan Blog Matsuri.

This month the topic is fast times in Japan. We have got a few articles from people how have decided to bare all for you enjoyment.

Billy at Tune In Tokyo offers up a interesting tale of being mistaken for trying to smuggle a little pot into the land of the raising sun.

Shane at The Nihon Sun shares a slightly painful experience of trying to talk a Japanese taxi driver into stopping at the right place.

Loco at Loco In Yokohama reveals an experience on the train involving some dirty pervert and a school girl.


McAlpine from the Soul of Japan shares with us all his love of being a bully to just about anyone. Even if they did nothing to him at all.

Nick over at the long countdown offers up a collection of off beat experiences he has had over the years in Japan.

John Turningpin at Mad Tokyo shares the oddity of a night out on the bar scene.



And just because I am such I nice guy(LOL) here is one final late entry to the March Matsuri.

Kanmuri from Turning Iwatean had the pleasure of being asked `Does this ramen have human flesh in it?`

Hayfever Battle and The Helpful Japanese

I never had a problem with Hayfever until I started living in Japan. I do not know exactly why, but I am suffering pretty bad. There must be some tree or flower which does not grow in America which is beating the crap out of my immune system. It all started a few days ago when I woke up with a sore throat. I did not pay it much mind and on with my day. Well, after a enjoyable evening of drinking in Asakusa I woke up the next morning feeling as if I was going to kill over. I knew it was not a hangover. A hangover does not cause blockage of the noise and mass itching of the teeth,eyes, and mouth. Yeah, I got a case of hayfever pretty bad.

No matter if I feel like crap or not, I still have to go to work. This is hard when I feel run down. I made myself go to work despite my condition. My plan was to pick up some hayfever meds from the local drug store. Well, due to the fact I leave for work damn early on the weekends, the fucking drug store had not opened yet. I suffered until I got to my current base school. I went around the corner to the drug store, and as luck would have it, the damn place was actually open. I paid for some over priced meds and made my way to work.

The office lady noticed that I was struggling right away. As usual she just rolled her eyes and assumed I was hung over or something. I explained to her that I was suffering from Hayfever. Her attitude towards me quickly became much lighter. I took the meds and prepared for the days work. Well, on Sundays there is this one student who usually takes the early morning class. He shows up early for his lesson and we usually chat a bit. He also noticed that I was having a hard time. He said to me, `You must be suffering from the Hayfever. I feel sorry for you dear teacher.` He is a stern but gentle man. He even showed me how to correctly take the meds I had bought. He knows that I hate socialized medical care. Despite this knowledge he says, `I know you no want to go but hospital can help you. You pay too much for medication. Drug store no good I think.`

Anyway, on Sunday`s he returns in the evenings with his kids so they can have lessons. Yeah, I have to teach both regular and kids lessons. To my surprise, he says that he says a little gift for me. He introduces his gift in a joking manner by saying, `Ryan-san I went to commie hospital and got something for you.` He laughs as he says this as a way of getting me to accept the gift. He goes on to explain that he got the meds for free(on my and everyone else`s dime of course). He said that his son also suffers from Hayfever; so he understands my pain. He gave me two types of meds. One type is to make my immune system stronger while the second type is for the constant itching. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I found myself at a lose for words. I could only keep saying, `How nice of you` and `Thank you so much.` I made sure to give his kids extra good lessons as a way to show how thankful I was for his kind gesture.

I will really miss the students at my current base school when I am reassigned in the middle of April. I have only told a few students the sad news. Some have said they will transfer to my new base school if they are able. Dammit, it is really hard to not like the Japanese sometimes. They can be stubborn, uptight, racist bastards sometimes, yet there is a gentle caring nature about them which must be noted as a rare value in this twisted post modern world.



As a side note: Hayfever is so bad this year that even the god damn monkeys are having a hard time. Read about the suffering of the Japanese monkeys here

The Mason Kid

Teaching English in Japan has brought me in contact with a few strange folks from time to time. Japanese people who study English on a regular basis seem to be a unique bunch. I got a diverse mix of personalities among my clients, not only at my base school, but also at the other schools under my control. Hell, one of my schools even has a stalker/fan of sorts. Although, there is this one kid who has really gotten my attention.

I refer to this eight year old as `the mason kid.` I am pretty sure that everyone knows who the free masons are. You know, the NWO masters of the universe crowd. Anyway, the Mason kid makes reference to free masons during every damn lesson. The first time he did it I was really surprised. We were doing a picture/word association activity. This kid feels that I am his best friend so he likes to play games with me. Anyway, it was his turn to draw a picture and I was suppose to guess what he was drawing. He proceeds to draw a pyramid with an eye in the apex. He turns to me and says, `This is Masons. Ryan is a Mason. Ryan is great person because Ryan is Mason.` My first reaction was, `What the hell did he just say?!` How does an eight old kid know anything about Masons? Better yet, why is he calling me a Mason? Hiding my shock I told him, `Do not say Mason to people. They will not understand.` He looked at me for a minute as if pondering what I meant. Finally he said, `Okay Ryan. I keep secret.` After that he wanted to do some work book study with me.

I thought his reference to Free Masons would be a one time thing. It was strange for sure but I thought he got the hint. I was dead wrong. The next lesson he again addresses me as,`Mason Ryan.` He does this in front of the office lady and his father. The office lady did not understand what he said. His father gave him a darting glare. Judging his father`s reaction I concluded that he is getting the Mason stuff from his father some how. The lesson went down smoothly but he constantly referred to me as `Mason Ryan.` After the lesson I paid close attention to this father`s hands; as well as the manner in which he shook my hand. Sure enough his father was wearing a Mason ring. He also shook my hand in a traditional Mason manner. It hit me like a ton of bricks: I am teaching a Japanese Mason`s kid to speak English. What hit me harder was the realization that he thinks that I am a Mason just like his dear old dad.

So, every lesson this kid referrers to me as `Mason Ryan` and wants to make sentences using the word Mason as often as possible. One time he even pulled off, `Godzilla is a Tokyo Mason.` At first I just kind of laugh about it, but now it is starting to creep me out. Recently, he has been saying, `Ryan go Tokyo Tower meet Tokyo Mason.` I do not know why he keeps saying such a thing but he seems kind of serious about the odd request. I am half tempted to tell this father about Mason trip his kid is on; but considering that his old man is a Mason I tend to shy away from the topic.I guess I am just going to go with the flow on this one. As long as his father pays for the lessons his kid can talk about Masons all this wants.

Homeless Mingration

All last week I have noticed a slight change in the type of passengers on the trains in Tokyo. What I mean, is that I have seen a hell of a lot more homeless bums riding the trains. It is not all the strange for me to see some dirty bum riding the train, while at the same time, grossing everyone out. Well last week I noticed a sudden increase in dirty bums riding the train. For some reason there are a lot more homeless bums riding the Yamanote line between Ikebukuro and Nippori stations. The times I have seen the most of them is between 7:00 am and 1:30 pm. They would not trouble me so much if it was not for the fact that they smell so bad.

Oh man! The bums of the Yamanote line produce a legendary funk which burns the noise hair of all who come in contact with them. It is a really uncomfortable situation for everyone in the car. The shitty thing is they seem to get on the train only when it is packed to the brim. It has been a long time since some of these fucks have taken a decent bath. I should feel sorry for them but considering that there are plenty of public baths in Tokyo there is no excuse for smelling like pure shit.

I could go on and on about the bad smell, but it is the recent increase of bums on the train that has peak my interest. I wonder what is going on? Have the police started a crack down on the homeless? Are they moving around to avoid some recent trouble? Hell, I really don`t have a clue. I have not seen any police fucking with the homeless in a long time. I used to see it a lot when I first arrived in Tokyo. These days, I almost never see that kind of behavior from the police. Maybe it is just that time of year when the homeless move from their winter spot to their summer spot. Anyone have any insight into the recent movements of the homeless?

Eki Beer

Slowly my habits have changed since moving to Tokyo. I find myself doing things which I have never had the habit of doing before. Case in point is the after work Eki beer. I know that some people would make a big fuss about drinking a beer on the train after work. I don`t understand why some people get upset about it; but they do all the same. Anyway, usually I grab a tall boy from the local 7-11 on my way home. It is easy for me as well as convenient. The train ride from Nerima to Bukudo is lonely as not so many people are using the local train when I get off work. So, I can get a whole car to myself to relax and a tall cold one.

I have been doing the `Eki beer` thing for several months now. It is kind of like an after work tradition for me. I really do not feel like I have gotten off work until cold beer passes across my lips. Well, after a while all traditions must be modified just to keep things fresh. So, recently i have had more interaction with instructors and management. This leads to many more chances to go out and get hammered. Sadly, getting totally smashed everyday after work really wears me down. A solution to this is the Eki beer at the station. Recently, when I have a partner for the day we usually end up have an Eki beer after work. When we arrive at bukudo we hang out for a bit at the station and finish off our beers. While this is fun nothing beats buying a few cans of beer and slamming then down at front of the JR Yamanote central entrance. I have caught several good buzz right there at the JR Yamanote gate.

So, remember kids if you really want to relax after work grab yourself cheap beer from the 7-11, find a good seat on the train, and slam down a cold one. Even better plan a meet up with a drinking buddy for a few rounds at the station. A change of pace is good for everyone.

YUZU Lemon Flavored Potato Chips

Japan is known for its unique food. It seems that the Japanese will try anything once. I mean, pepsi blue is a good example of the `try anything once` stance most Japanese take towards food and drink. Anyway, in the evenings I often go to Seiyu to pick up little ins and outs the gal request I bring home. Usually, I end of buying normal stuff like eggs and such. Recently, I was walking down the chips aisle when something caught my eye. A bag of Doritos with a lemon on the front was enough to give me pause. Lemon flavor is not what I think of as a good choice for chips. Although, this being Japan anything should be expected when it comes to food.

So, I bought a bag of this odd potato chip just for the hell of it. As I carried it home I had a feeling that I just wasted my money. I mean, how can lemon flavored chips ever taste good? A lemon is not usually used as the main taste in most foods. It is usually used an extra additive. It is just an extra kick added to spice up a meal.

When I got the stuff home the gal both laughed and snuffed at the odd little snack. This made me ever more hesitant to give the stuff a try. Determined to eat what I bought, I did pay for it after all, I took a shower, ate dinner, and finally sat down to try out YUZU. To my surprise, it is actually not that bad. I was expecting a shock of lemon taste which would make my mouth feel like a desert. The lemon flavor is actually not all that strong. It has a kind-of smooth , by lemon standards, taste. There is a slight sweet after taste which mellows out the lemon flavor.

By far I enjoyed YUZU Doritos! Lemon flavored potato chips are damn good! I suggest giving them a try.

Update: I know that Doritos are made from corn meal. I use potato chips as a general term.