Friday, April 29, 2011
The kind of mind fuck this dirty city I call home has done to me is not entirely it`s fault. I am to blame just as much as Tokyo is for the state I have allowed myself to sink into. The god of chaos has never left me but that asshole has left me high and dry on one thing which he used to always shield me from: conformity.
Oh yeah gang! Yall would think that conformity would have little or no effect on me but sadly is has found a way to fuck my head up a bit. You see gang, I have been doing my best to pull a fast one on conformity in order to maintain a solid day job and a decent paycheck. This little game I have been playing has had the unexpected side effect of creating a duality in my mind and turning my body to shit. It can happen to the best of us and it happened to me.
I realized this a few months ago and have been in a process of purging myself of the conformity bull shit from my mind and body. A sense of new found liberty if you will. Conformity makes you give a rats ass about things which are totally shit. The idea that I should really worry about what other think of me and how that is going to effect my own happiness is fucked up! There are so many damn snakes in Tokyo that the best thing to do is ID them real quick and dismiss their ass just as fast. I really did give it my best try. Wearing the `nice guy badge` turned out to be not worth the effort. I got sucked into that shit by lust of money and the weight of Japanese corporate culture. Everyone has got to make money but all the ass kissing and political games is a waste of time in my mind. Sadly, there are so many little snakes in the grass that have been forced into a position to write off and dismiss a lot of people. I don`t like being like that but that is the way it has got to be.
Any fucking way, the next step looks to be getting under way soon. I have got to get my body back close to prime condition. I joined a gym and starting from May I am hitting the weights. I have already started to curb eating all the crap food that is so easy to grab in this city. The lifestyle here kind of pushes people to eat shit food. The world of serving the all mighty corporate grid will have a person running around like a chicken with it`s head cut off. I find myself in a hurry to go someplace I don`t want to be at way too often. That `always on the go` lifestyle equals eating grab and go shit food daily. Combine that with all the drinking and smoking and your body turns to garbage pretty quick.
I have tried to quit smoking several times and it always ended in failure. Seeing that smoking is a ball and chain I will have to carry around for a while, the best thing I can do is control it.Ten smokes a day seems like a decent level for now. I am pretty damn sure I an make that a regular level in about two weeks time. I have seen hardcore smokers toss the shit away cold turkey so I can at least put myself on a beggars ration of ten a day.
However, drinking is the weak point. Almost all of my fondest chaotic moments in my life have started and ended with alcohol. I know that is not something most people would be proud of but at least I am honest. I could write an entire book about my tales of alcohol fuel chaos and I am sure it would be a best selling; or at least hit the top 200 NYT best sellers list. Yet there has always been a line with me and alcohol that I only crossed a few times. Drinking should add to the glorious devilish fun not be the fun. As any bad ass hellbilly greaser should know, booze is your buddy not your lover. I can honestly admit that I have only used booze as a shoulder to cry on less than most of the crazed manics you will run into daily. Every time I have realized that I was using alcohol as a substitute for a lover or even emotional support I tossed the stuff in the garbage for a while. With that said, I still have to be careful about the effects of hard drinking. Drinking too much will cause weight gain. The kind of weight gain which is hard to burn off. I see so many beer bellied Japanese guys in Tokyo that is has scared me a bit. I don`t want to end up looking like that.
So the process of rebuilding my body is on. It really is time to kick some ass.