Gotta hold It All Together

Life has been pretty crazy recently to say the least. At times I feel as if I am being bombed by 1,000 WW2 era Zero planes. You know, like when you were a kid fishing by the river and a swarm of bees decide to attack you for no good reason. I just cannot stop the flow of shit coming my way as of late. So far, I am handling most things okay; but I think there may be a few things that I am just going to have to let get out of control. I may have to make some real hard choices in the near future. I am not looking forward to some of the hard decisions but as always I will hold my head up high and laugh in the face of insanity.

My mental state is still not that bad at this point. Considering that the balance between professional and personal affairs is getting to be a real pain in the ass; I am holding up pretty well. There are days when I want to say fuck the whole deal and focus only on my own desires. I try to be the superman that a lot of people want me to be but I am not perfect. Sometimes when I get off work I hit up a bar to unwind. In those situations I do not want to take even the slightest bit of shit from anyone. Yet, almost every time I find myself dealing with someone you just will not get a fucking clue. I need to have fun just like everyone else. Why do so many people seem to want to get in my god damn way! I meet a lot of people in Tokyo. Sadly, most of them try to use me to make themselves look better. It is like they think I don`t know what they are doing. The typical method they use is to point out every little thing about me that can be made fun of so the girls will think they are so much cooler than me. What the fuck man! Really! I do not care if someone is trying to get laid. That is not my business. It is really so hard to be nice to people? Is it is a real challenge for people to be honest about who they are as a person? All the fake ass attitudes and personalities I come across get to me sometimes. I love living in Tokyo but some of the people in Tokyo can be really hard to deal with sometimes.

I guess I am just not good at pretending to be a weak ass person with no pride. I mean, what is the point of this kind of pretending? Why lie about who you are just so others will like you? I cannot understand this way of thinking. Like wise, why down others so you will look better? I don`t see the point of it all. I just try to be myself and let everyone play the childish `game.` Despite all the sick childish behavior I see each and every day I still run across cool and interesting people from time to time. I guess I just have to learn how to deal with this childish BS that people just love to get into here in Tokyo.

Anyway, I know I should not care so much. Everyone is just going about their life. I guess it is my own fought for not making such strong bonds with people in Tokyo as of yet. My love of working has a negative side effect. In the course of my adult life, I have chosen work over social concerns. When I do have free time, I tend to wonder in places that do not require so much effort to gain a good drinking buddy or a nigh of wild abandonment. You know, the kind of places that as long as you do not fuck with someone they will like you and call you friend.

Well, don`t worry about me so much, I will be okay. I will find a way to make everything work out just fine. Tomorrow is a good chance for me to practice dealing with people in Tokyo. I got this really important nine hour business meeting tomorrow. I am sure that there will be some food and drinking after such a long day. I will work on talking with people. From what I have gathered, a few of the other managers like me so I got a spring broad to work with of sorts.

Late Night Muse

WARNING: RIGHT NOW I MAY BE A LITTLE TOO DRUNK FOR MY OWN GOOD. I SHOULD NOT REALLY BE BLOGGING AT THIS POINT; BUT I AM.

Good evening everyone. I decided not to go home tonight. Why would I make such a decision. Well, I have no real reason to go home. I just do not feel like going home to an empty apartment. I think that most of you can understand the feeling of wanting to avoid an empty apartment on a Saturday night. So, here I sit at a Internet cafe in bukudo blogging. I got to pass the time away somehow; you know?

It has been an interesting night. I met, by pure random chance, someone who I have not seen in a long time. One of my favorite people in Tokyo just happen to be at the same bar as me. I was caught totally by surprise. Considering the amount of people living in our dirty little city, I never expect to see anyone I know without previous plans. Life is just like that sometimes. It was a very pleasant surprise to say the least. My plan was just to get a good drunk buzz going and head home. After meeting up with this person I decided to hang around for a while just to see what would happen. I wanted to talk but that really was not going to happen. It is a Saturday night and most people are looking to get laid. Hell, I cannot really blame them. There are few things better in life than getting drunk and laid on a Saturday night in Tokyo. So, I just kind of hung around and played the situation out a bit. You never know what might happen. Well, everyone did their best to try and hook up with someone. A few people got lucky and a few did not. As for me, I end up at an Internet cafe waiting for the early morning train. It is ok with me. I am happy and feeling good.

Although, this even has got me thinking about my personality. I wonder if I am just a little too rough for my own good. I know that I can be a little odd sometimes. I mean, when it comes to work there are not too many people who can out do me. Damn, I have pretty much begged the company to give me more work. I like working a lot. If I had it my way I would work everyday. I think that my desire for work has developed a roughness in the way I communicate with others in social situations. I tend to say things that do not fit the situation sometimes. When working I do not have to care about what people think of me so much. As long as I work hard everything is fine. I get reward for my hard work and that is that. There is no game to play. I do not have to earn any cool points. In social situations everything is totally different. It is all about cool points. You have to look the right way and say the right things. The fact that I work my ass off does not amount to a hill of beans. So, what is a guy like myself to do?

Well, it all depends on were I go. If I go at a punk club or greaser hang out I fair pretty well. I feel in control of the situation. It is kind of like being around people who feel and think the same way I do. On the other hand, if I go to a pub or night club things are very different. I am being judged only on how cool I look and how smooth my words roll out of my mouth. If I say exactly what I am thinking I end up looking like an ass. At the end of the day I am ok with this because it shows me where society is these days. The rules have changed and a guy like myself is slowly fading away. You know, the old school brand of man. The type of guy who works his ass off, while carrying others on this shoulders, does not appear to be valued in society much anymore. I am not saying that society is full of lazy sacks of shit because we all work hard to make a living. What I have noticed is that working hard is not enough anymore. People are much less likely to overlook a few minor cracks in a person`s personality; as compared to years past. These days you have to be perfect in order to attain social success.

Anyway, I remember gal I used to run around with back in the states. She was this really young gal from Tokyo; who somehow ended up going to college in West Virginia. I really do feel that she was a gal from a by gone era. She overlooked a lot of fucked up shit about my personality because she knew that I worked my ass off and would always look out for her no matter what happened. I used to get mad at her sometimes for no real reason. She overlooked it because she knew that I was a good person at heart. We never got romantic with each other but I looked out for her all the same. I guess I did it because I knew that if I did not do it no one else would. She was a gentle type who could be hurt very easy. She was real small and did not talk so much; even with her friends. Her shyness made her easy to cry. I get along well with people like her. They kind of jump on my back and let me carry them to the finish line.

So, what I have discovered is that a person who has a little roughness about their personality will not do so well in social situations in Tokyo. This fact I can accept. It is just the way things are in our dirty little city. As always, I am happy with life. I take life as it comes. Everyday is an adventure in the land of the raising sun.

That Wonderful Saturday Morning Feeling

Here I sit,early as hell, getting ready for work on Saturday. I feel a little strange this morning. It is not because of the drinking I did last night,but because today is Valentine`s day. Due to schedule issues the gal and I will not be spending the day of love together. You know what, this sucks! A part of me does not even want to leave the house today. I know that all day I will have to deal with seeing young lovers going crazy for each other. I should be more mature about the situation, yet I find myself feeling a bit bitter. The gal and I don`t have a traditional marriage. We are a very modern couple. She does her own thing and I do my own thing most of the time. We usually plan to spend at least one day together a week. Despite this, we really do love each other. Hell, we have known each other going on ten years now.

This week she is out of town. She is away on business as usual. Actually, this time her business is a bit personal. Something about one of her friends having a wedding in her home town I guess. What kind of person has a wedding on Valentine`s day?! They are ruining this day for a lot of people just so they can have some damn special wedding. Fuckers! I know they are her friends and all, but Valentine`s day is not the best timing for a wedding. I did not say anything to the gal about my protests concerning the whole situation. I just smiled and said, `Oh honey! That is wonderful! I hope you have a good time.` It is her friends after all, you know?

Anyway, I gotta get my ass off to work now. Enough whining about things I cannot do much about. I will just have a few drinks after work and tough it up today. I do hope that everyone has a wonderful Valentine`s day. Go out and enjoy yourself.

An Oddity Among the Odd

I assume that most people are aware that the greaser look and lifestyle has its own special place in Tokyo. Just go to Yoyogi park on the weekend for proof. There are always great Rock A Billy parties and shows to go to in our dirty little city. While the Japanese have taken to this lifestyle, I have noticed that not many gaijin sport the high and tight pompadour,leather biker jacket, jackboots, and live the greaser lifestyle. I understand exactly why. The idea of a greaser fell out of pop culture long ago in the west. So, I find myself being the lone gaijin greaser in many situations. For the record I have not always sported a pompadour. In the past I would grow out a fine pompadour, keep it for a while, and eventually cut my hair short and start the process all over again. Hell, a few times I even dyed my hair some crazy color during transitions phases. These days I have decided to keep a pompadour until I am old and gray; or until I am forced to cut it. None the less, I have always had the greaser thing about me for the majority of my life. So I wonder: Where are all the gaijin greasers in Tokyo?

There is no way in hell that I am the only one. This city is just too diverse for someone to be totally unique. There are so many people, from so many different cultures and backgrounds, living in Tokyo that there must be a little gang of gaijin greasers running around in Tokyo. I just have not run into them yet. The funny about the whole situation is that I often lurk around the expected places to find greasers, yet gaijin greasers are not to be found in these places. So, where the hell to they hang? Maybe they are loners, which a lot of greasers tend to fall into, and don`t get out much. There are plenty of gaijin who keep to themselves due to the natural isolation of living in a different culture. Maybe they live so damn rough they do not last very long in Tokyo; i.e. end up getting deported for doing something unforgivable.

With the lack of gaijin greasers, I might just be an oddity among the odd. You know, being gaijin makes a person odd in the land of the raising sun. Hell, maybe I can bring the look and lifestyle back to the forefront of popularity along gaijin. Most likely, I am looked at as being just some odd ball with a strange obsession and way of living. Well, that is ok with me. I have written about being strange before. You know, I am actually comfortable with standing out in a crowd at this point. I mean, I add an interesting mix to the stock of teachers in my company. We need people who are different and interesting in my company to attract some more business. Now that I am a little higher up in the company I can add some flavor to the management team. We need to get the teachers to feel that they are working for an interesting company again. You know, like in the old days when things were rocking like Elvis and profit was high. Back in the day when we stood at the top of the mountain of English companies, there was no one cooler than us.

Anyway, if you know any gaijin who have greaser tendencies I would like to meet them. It would be interesting to meet some greasers from, lets says, Europe or even others parts of Asia. They might be a hell of a lot rougher than me but I can hang with even the toughest of people. We can get good and sloppy drunk together(I still have not learned about drinking, have I?), go to a good rockabilly show, and even become friends of sorts. If you do see me on the streets don`t be shy about walking up and saying hello. Just say: your the Tokyo gaijin greaser from the internet right? You never know, it might be the start of a great friendship.

J-Blog Of The Week #5 Our Man in Abiko

My life has been interesting recently. A lot of things are changing(no Obama reference intended) as of late. Life has been not so bad although not so good either. I do however, feel good about the near future despite big challenges in front of me. It is an exciting and interesting time for me. Speaking of things exciting and interesting, this weeks J-blog of the week is all about excitement and interesting thoughts and experiences. Our Man in Abiko is this week`s featured J-blog.

I have been reading this blog for a while and have left a few comments. I do not remember exactly how I ran across this blog but I am glad that I did. When I visit Our Man in Abiko it is rare that I do not find something interesting to read. I guess this is the mark of a good blogger. I mean, there are some popular English J-blog which I do not like but Our Man almost never lets me down. I do not know how popular his blog is but I think it belongs right up there with the likes of Neil Duckett.com.

Blogs which have the personal touch of someone daily life and all the thoughts roll around in their heads always interest me. Our Man in Abiko seems to have that factor in full effect. Another element to his blog is that it is updated very regularly; which is always a delight for readers of blogs. It is always nice to be able to visit a blog everyday and get something new to read. He also just does not focus on Japan related topics. From time to time he will post something totally apart from Japan. For example, I believe in a place called... and America in 2012: The view from the day before the day before yesterday. If you read his blog regularly enough he will post some thoughts about politics form time to time. He seems to be pretty knowledgeable about politics. For some funny and interesting post about politics in Japan check out the politics for dummies posts.

There is a lot more I could write about Our Man in Abiko but just go over there and check it out for yourself. It is well worth the read. I am sure that you will be hooked in short order.

Are you a Manager or a Father?

There is this Japanese guy I have been doing extra `business` with recently. We get along well enough and he really is a decent guy to pal around with most of the time. Sometimes, we talk about stuff. I guess he is just as curious about my culture as I am of his. The little extra business we do together usually does not work out so well. It must be the current market situation which is making it hard for us to score some extra bread. So, we chat it up a lot. We talk about a lot of stuff. Usually the conversation is interesting and sometimes eye opening. The last time we were out and about `business` did not go so well, again, so we ended up chatting.

The subject of my recent promotion and the way Japanese run their business became the topic for the evening. I mentioned to him that since my promotion the office ladies have been treating me a little different. They have really warmed up to me in recent weeks. I asked him if there was any reason for their change in attitude towards me. He said that maybe they view me as a father figure of sorts. His statement shocked me, yet peaked my interest. I asked him to explain in more detail why they would view my crazy ass as a father figure. His answer surprised me, while giving me a inside look concerning the nature of a Japanese company.

He said that in Japan the people you work with are viewed as family. From what he says most Japanese people are hired as a generalist after finishing college; which means a person who can do anything the company asks of them. They usually get moved around the company every two or three years until they have worked in just about every department. After they have mastered all the different parts of the company they can get a very high position. He went on to say that the boss or manager is viewed as a father/mother to those under him/her. Despite me being gaijin, Japanese would most likely still be inclined to view me as kind of a father figure, though not as strongly as a japanese man.

It is hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of being viewed as a father figure in the eyes of the people I work with daily. I don`t know how closely this kind of thinking is followed in my company. After all, I am gaijin. However they view me, it is nice to be treated with at least a little respect at work. I guess I will just enjoy the habit of the Japanese to view a manager as some kind of so-called father figure. Hell, I might even be able to get some twisted humor out of the situation.

Poison

I finally did it to myself. Recently, I drank to the point of poisoning myself. I have not had alcohol poisoning since I was in college. Even then it was because I had been drinking MD 40/40 all night. I thought that at my age I would not have to worry about alcohol poisoning. I was confident that no matter how much I drink I would not get poisoned. Yet, on a recent bender with the rest of the management team I drank myself to the point of near death.

I like to get a good drunk going on just as much as the next guy. Hell, I have had many all night drinking fests in Tokyo. The problem with this most recent bender is the amount and time span I drank. After finishing up a meeting it was decided that we would go out for `a few drinks` to unwind. I knew that my fellow brass are hard drinkers. Our group included: a Scottish guy, an Aussie, a Nuzzie, one Japanese dude, and two Americans(including myself). I knew that I would have to drink a lot to keep to with these guys but I did not expect the amount of alcohol they were able to get down.

Anyway, we went to a bar that offered all you can drink for 2,500 yen; with a two hour limit. So, we had to drink like crazy people to get our monies worth. We tend to be mostly a rough bunch so before long the entire table was filled with large glass bottles of beer. The whole situation turned into a drunken boys club real quick. We transformed into a loud drunk gang of salarymen. We kept drinking glass after glass of beer while talking shit and swapping stories. Being the joker that I am, I told a few tales that got the full attention of everyone. I did not noticed that everyone was listening to me until the other American guy said, `Damn, we are all hanging on your every word.` I guess I am just one of those people. I am good at telling a good devilish Tokyo story.

Well, I had a damn good time but the next morning was not so much fun. I woke up at the crack of dawn; as usual. My entire body felt like it was shutting down. My skin was crawling, stomach twisting into knots, and my head felt like an exploding A-bomb. It took me a while to even be able to get out of bed. I tried to drink a cup of coffee but I threw it up as soon as it hit my stomach. Before I left the house I threw up two more times. When I smoked a cig it only made me want to throw up even more. Every time I changed trains I had to rush to the bathroom to puke my guts up. Nothing would stay in my stomach. By the time I reach the Ikebukuro station I was fully aware that I was poisoned.

When I arrived at work my office lady quickly realized that I was completely hung-over. She laughed at me real hard. She knew who had been with the night before so I guess that fact made my condiction even more funny. She asked if I was ok and I told her, `Hell no I am not ok.` My responce only made her laugh even harder. She is a nice gal so she was gentle to me while at the time no showing me too much mercy. Before I started the days work I puke one more time. The last time had to be the worst. The stuff, a bit of coca-cola, sandwich, and some water, came flying out of my stomach like a monkey on crack. After that I started to feel a little better. I was able to perform at the expected level; but I still struggled a little. I was not really able to eat much until late Monday night. Before I went to bed I was able to get down come curry soup.

So, have I learned my lesson? For now yes, but I know that the next time the boys ask me to go drinking I will jump in head first. Oh fuck! Will I ever learn?