Late Night Muse

WARNING: RIGHT NOW I MAY BE A LITTLE TOO DRUNK FOR MY OWN GOOD. I SHOULD NOT REALLY BE BLOGGING AT THIS POINT; BUT I AM.

Good evening everyone. I decided not to go home tonight. Why would I make such a decision. Well, I have no real reason to go home. I just do not feel like going home to an empty apartment. I think that most of you can understand the feeling of wanting to avoid an empty apartment on a Saturday night. So, here I sit at a Internet cafe in bukudo blogging. I got to pass the time away somehow; you know?

It has been an interesting night. I met, by pure random chance, someone who I have not seen in a long time. One of my favorite people in Tokyo just happen to be at the same bar as me. I was caught totally by surprise. Considering the amount of people living in our dirty little city, I never expect to see anyone I know without previous plans. Life is just like that sometimes. It was a very pleasant surprise to say the least. My plan was just to get a good drunk buzz going and head home. After meeting up with this person I decided to hang around for a while just to see what would happen. I wanted to talk but that really was not going to happen. It is a Saturday night and most people are looking to get laid. Hell, I cannot really blame them. There are few things better in life than getting drunk and laid on a Saturday night in Tokyo. So, I just kind of hung around and played the situation out a bit. You never know what might happen. Well, everyone did their best to try and hook up with someone. A few people got lucky and a few did not. As for me, I end up at an Internet cafe waiting for the early morning train. It is ok with me. I am happy and feeling good.

Although, this even has got me thinking about my personality. I wonder if I am just a little too rough for my own good. I know that I can be a little odd sometimes. I mean, when it comes to work there are not too many people who can out do me. Damn, I have pretty much begged the company to give me more work. I like working a lot. If I had it my way I would work everyday. I think that my desire for work has developed a roughness in the way I communicate with others in social situations. I tend to say things that do not fit the situation sometimes. When working I do not have to care about what people think of me so much. As long as I work hard everything is fine. I get reward for my hard work and that is that. There is no game to play. I do not have to earn any cool points. In social situations everything is totally different. It is all about cool points. You have to look the right way and say the right things. The fact that I work my ass off does not amount to a hill of beans. So, what is a guy like myself to do?

Well, it all depends on were I go. If I go at a punk club or greaser hang out I fair pretty well. I feel in control of the situation. It is kind of like being around people who feel and think the same way I do. On the other hand, if I go to a pub or night club things are very different. I am being judged only on how cool I look and how smooth my words roll out of my mouth. If I say exactly what I am thinking I end up looking like an ass. At the end of the day I am ok with this because it shows me where society is these days. The rules have changed and a guy like myself is slowly fading away. You know, the old school brand of man. The type of guy who works his ass off, while carrying others on this shoulders, does not appear to be valued in society much anymore. I am not saying that society is full of lazy sacks of shit because we all work hard to make a living. What I have noticed is that working hard is not enough anymore. People are much less likely to overlook a few minor cracks in a person`s personality; as compared to years past. These days you have to be perfect in order to attain social success.

Anyway, I remember gal I used to run around with back in the states. She was this really young gal from Tokyo; who somehow ended up going to college in West Virginia. I really do feel that she was a gal from a by gone era. She overlooked a lot of fucked up shit about my personality because she knew that I worked my ass off and would always look out for her no matter what happened. I used to get mad at her sometimes for no real reason. She overlooked it because she knew that I was a good person at heart. We never got romantic with each other but I looked out for her all the same. I guess I did it because I knew that if I did not do it no one else would. She was a gentle type who could be hurt very easy. She was real small and did not talk so much; even with her friends. Her shyness made her easy to cry. I get along well with people like her. They kind of jump on my back and let me carry them to the finish line.

So, what I have discovered is that a person who has a little roughness about their personality will not do so well in social situations in Tokyo. This fact I can accept. It is just the way things are in our dirty little city. As always, I am happy with life. I take life as it comes. Everyday is an adventure in the land of the raising sun.