Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Gotta hold It All Together

Life has been pretty crazy recently to say the least. At times I feel as if I am being bombed by 1,000 WW2 era Zero planes. You know, like when you were a kid fishing by the river and a swarm of bees decide to attack you for no good reason. I just cannot stop the flow of shit coming my way as of late. So far, I am handling most things okay; but I think there may be a few things that I am just going to have to let get out of control. I may have to make some real hard choices in the near future. I am not looking forward to some of the hard decisions but as always I will hold my head up high and laugh in the face of insanity.

My mental state is still not that bad at this point. Considering that the balance between professional and personal affairs is getting to be a real pain in the ass; I am holding up pretty well. There are days when I want to say fuck the whole deal and focus only on my own desires. I try to be the superman that a lot of people want me to be but I am not perfect. Sometimes when I get off work I hit up a bar to unwind. In those situations I do not want to take even the slightest bit of shit from anyone. Yet, almost every time I find myself dealing with someone you just will not get a fucking clue. I need to have fun just like everyone else. Why do so many people seem to want to get in my god damn way! I meet a lot of people in Tokyo. Sadly, most of them try to use me to make themselves look better. It is like they think I don`t know what they are doing. The typical method they use is to point out every little thing about me that can be made fun of so the girls will think they are so much cooler than me. What the fuck man! Really! I do not care if someone is trying to get laid. That is not my business. It is really so hard to be nice to people? Is it is a real challenge for people to be honest about who they are as a person? All the fake ass attitudes and personalities I come across get to me sometimes. I love living in Tokyo but some of the people in Tokyo can be really hard to deal with sometimes.

I guess I am just not good at pretending to be a weak ass person with no pride. I mean, what is the point of this kind of pretending? Why lie about who you are just so others will like you? I cannot understand this way of thinking. Like wise, why down others so you will look better? I don`t see the point of it all. I just try to be myself and let everyone play the childish `game.` Despite all the sick childish behavior I see each and every day I still run across cool and interesting people from time to time. I guess I just have to learn how to deal with this childish BS that people just love to get into here in Tokyo.

Anyway, I know I should not care so much. Everyone is just going about their life. I guess it is my own fought for not making such strong bonds with people in Tokyo as of yet. My love of working has a negative side effect. In the course of my adult life, I have chosen work over social concerns. When I do have free time, I tend to wonder in places that do not require so much effort to gain a good drinking buddy or a nigh of wild abandonment. You know, the kind of places that as long as you do not fuck with someone they will like you and call you friend.

Well, don`t worry about me so much, I will be okay. I will find a way to make everything work out just fine. Tomorrow is a good chance for me to practice dealing with people in Tokyo. I got this really important nine hour business meeting tomorrow. I am sure that there will be some food and drinking after such a long day. I will work on talking with people. From what I have gathered, a few of the other managers like me so I got a spring broad to work with of sorts.


billywest said...

I think all of us who live in Tokyo as foreigners have felt the way you do at one time or another, even if the circumstances were a bit different. You're an upright guy; you'll come out shining soon enough.

TheGhost said...

Billy, you have always been so nice to me. I really do not understand why you have been so nice to me over the course of the past year. I am honored by your kindness. In Tokyo it is rare for someone to give a shit about a person like myself. Thank you Billy. You are a true friend.